A Work of Deconstruction

I don’t consider myself a violent or impetuous person. I don’t really consider myself a revengeful person either. In my nine year marriage to Fiorina I never hit her or even thought of doing so. I didn’t even think of doing that the night she slammed a plate into the side of my head. That one required eight stitches. Even the night she came up behind me and asked me to turn around and then slugged me in the nose I didn’t hit her like maybe I should have. But that night I did call 911 and let them take her away for a night in jail. That was the end even though I didn’t know it. She filed for divorce the following week. If she hadn’t done so I might’ve done so I thought later.

It was almost five years before I made my first trip to Thailand. At the time I was fifty-four and hadn’t been with a woman for seven months. I had a few qualms about going with the girls in Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy but not too many. I’m not exactly the church-going type. The girls were fun and they more than gave me enough for what I paid them. I don’t think I could have continued going to them for long though. But who knows? It always amazes me how little I know about myself or those around me. Fiorina was so sweet and gentle our first several years together. We went everywhere together and ate good and made good love too. It was only after she found herself unable to leave the bottle alone that she turned violent and I could not control her. I tried many times but didn’t have any luck at all. It was a good thing we didn’t have any kids.

I met Ruch on the Sky Train. I was sitting and she was standing and holding several packages and looked tired. I offered my seat and she refused at first. Two stops later I offered again my seat and she took it. We talked a little bit and exchanged names and where I was from. Her English was pretty good. When I said I would be getting off at the next station she insisted on giving me her phone number. She told me to call because she owed me a favor. I did and we had dinner and went to a movie and had a good time. I saw her twice in the next week before flying home.

I returned to Thailand four months later after I was laid off and thought I would take a break before getting another job. I have good credentials and didn’t think this would be a problem. On my return to Bangkok I saw more of Ruch and we got serious. After two months or so of dating I bought her a ring and some gold she wanted and we talked about getting married. She thought it was a good idea as long as we lived not too far from her village outside Roi Et. She didn’t like her bank job and living in Bangkok. I didn’t know if it was a good idea or not. I had always lived in big cities and thought Bangkok was okay.

I met her parents and liked the quiet rural environment more than I thought I would. I stayed there in her village about a week the first time. A couple of months later I stayed for almost two weeks and I bought some land. I was thinking ahead and Ruch knew what was on my mind. Six weeks later we got married and soon I had the foundation laid and the roof put up not long after. It was going to be a nice house. It would have three bedrooms and a big living area and a nice large kitchen. Ruch liked to cook and I had taken a liking to Thai food. I thought of putting in a swimming pool but thought maybe later down the line.

In the next eight months I had to spend three of them in Chicago. I had decided to forget about another job. I would take early retirement and sell my house and my cars and my condominium investments. I did have one problem to deal with. My mother had had a stroke in my absence and I had to make sure she would be well cared for. I had a brother who lived in Indianapolis and he could help out. I wasn’t sure it would be enough but I had to take a chance. I had fallen pretty hard for Ruch and she wasn’t going to move to Chicago. She made that clear even before I told her what the winters were like. She only had one older sister and she was living in Singapore. That left her to do whatever had to be done to take care of her parents.

Everything seemed fine after both of my trips to Chicago and Ruch and I moved ahead quickly with the house. She handled the labor issues and the many problems better than I could. I could trust her with money and knowing what to do for the benefit of both of us. I had learned a little Thai but felt uncomfortable speaking it. I had even more problem understanding it for some reason. It was like this in college when I learned French. Speaking was easier than understanding.

Toward the end of the first year Ruch said she wanted to spend a day or two with her parents each week and did I mind. Her mother had bad arthritis and her father had a degenerative lung disease. I could tell he wasn’t far away from needing an oxygen tank around him all the time. I had no problem at all with the idea. I had my mother on my mind often. Also I’ve always liked some free time alone and much as I loved Ruch I sometimes felt like we needed to be apart. So it became a regular pattern. She would go to her parent’s house on Tuesday morning taking our car. Then she would come back in the afternoon on Wednesday. We would talk once or maybe twice by phone and that was it.

I had a small hobby throwing pots and I brought my wheel from home when I closed everything down. I enjoyed two days of making plates and cups and sometimes rather large vases for flowers. I gave some of these to our neighbors and they were grateful. I wasn’t sure they always liked how I had glazed them or the colors I used but they too polite to say anything.

I think we had been married just a little over a year and a half when Ruch said she wanted to spend an extra day a week with her parents. This meant she would leave on Tuesday morning and not come back until late Thursday. Some days it was Friday before she returned. I had seen her parents on several occasions and could appreciate that they were bad off. I gave them some money above what I was giving them already and tried not to be resentful that I was seeing less and less of Ruch. I figured from what I heard that family was more important in Thailand than in America.

When I had first gotten to Bangkok on my first trip I had met an Englishman by the name of Ray. He was from Liverpool and he had a small bar down the block from Nana Plaza. He was married to a Thai woman and had two kids with her. I took a real liking to Ray and he had similar feelings about me. On my first visit and subsequent visits to Bangkok we would have a few drinks now and then and sometimes go to Soi Cowboy. I didn’t do anything when I was with him because he was faithful. We would sit outside Tilac or one of the other nearby bars and watch people going by. Ray taught me more than I’d ever known about soccer and the English way of life. I don’t know what he got from me other than my corny jokes. Maybe beyond that it was just a little bit of quiet companionship with someone different.

Ray and his wife wanted to take a small vacation and get away from the kids for a spell so I invited them to our place. I wasn’t sure Ruch would like Ray because he swore a lot and smoked even more. She didn’t like being around anyone who smoked. I figured I could entertain them on my own. I invited them to come when Ruch would be with her parents during the week. They didn’t say how long they wanted to stay but I guessed that a couple of days would be enough. There just isn’t much to do where we live.

Ray’s wife wasn’t feeling too well the second day after they arrived. Ray though it would be good if she just slept as much as possible and we could do something together. That made sense to me. We had a few beers and I tried to show him how to throw pots. He got frustrated and said he’d had enough. We tried to think of what to do next and he said he wanted to meet Ruch. In all the time I’d been in Bangkok I hadn’t brought Ruch around to meet Ray. But I had told him a lot about her and how well we got along. We hardly ever fought and everything else was good too I had told him.

It must have been about two or so in the afternoon when we arrived at Ruch’s parent's place. I thought I would surprise her. I gave a knock or two on the door and when no one answered we just went in. This is what Ruch did when no one came to the door. So once inside I called Ruch’s name and there was no answer. I thought it was a little funny for the time of the day that no one was around. That’s when I went to the room where I knew Ruch slept. I opened the door and she was on one side of the bed getting dressed and this young Thai man was on the other side doing the same thing. I had never seen him before. He was a lot younger than me. He was quite handsome and had long hair that sat on his shoulders.

When I saw them there like that dressing I didn’t have to be told what was up. I just shook my head and let her see the look on my face.

Ruch didn’t try to explain or say a word to me after the young Thai man left. She just told Ray and me to get some beer and leave her alone. That’s what we did. I didn’t want to make a scene in front of Ray. I didn’t even know what to say to her then anyway. It was that same kind of feeling I got when Fiorina would hit me for no reason I could understand other than the alcohol talking.

Ray and I sat outside and barely said a word to one another. He knew I felt bad and he didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t know what to say either. It didn’t need saying for what we saw. I had heard some stories about this kind of thing but didn’t think it was in the cards for me. We had a good one going I thought. I had given her lots of love and pretty much whatever she wanted. She told me all the time she loved me and just me and I believed it.

Ray and his wife left the next morning and I was alone with my thoughts. I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea how long this had been going on. Maybe it was just a one-time deal I wanted to believe. I also thought it might have been going on for a very long time and that rattled me a whole lot.

Ruch didn’t return until late on Friday and I was already in bed with the light out. She got in bed and didn’t say anything and I kept quiet too. I wanted her to say something and explain to me. There was nothing from her and before long she was fast asleep.

We were like strangers all day Saturday and Sunday until nearly noon. Then I said to her, Is this serious or just a little mistake?

I don’t know, she said.

Try to explain it to me, I said.

She shook her head and walked away and I didn’t see her until about the time the sun went down. I don’t even know where she went. As soon as she came in, I said, Ruch, you have to explain this to me. Just tell me what’s going on.

I think I’m pregnant, she said.

Wow, I said. By me or him?

He’s the one. I’m pretty sure.

I was too. We had been trying since we got married and had not had any luck. I had a feeling I had sperm that didn’t move around. Maybe it was all dead for all I knew.

Okay, I said after she said he was probably the father. That’s all I said that night and pretty much after that. I stayed in the room where I had my potting wheel. I slept there on the floor on a mat and got food when I didn’t think she was about in the house.

She left Tuesday early with our car to go to her parents. She didn’t say goodbye like she usually did. She always gave me a kiss before she left. That too didn’t happen and that really got me thinking.

Tuesday afternoon I called Ray at his bar and said, Could you do a real special favor for me? I’ll pay you for everything and whatever you want for taking time off.

What can I do? he said. I’ll do what I can to help.

Get hold of a big pickup and two large sledge hammers and a case of beer. Can you get here by tomorrow night?

If I’m lucky and leave soon, he said.

Tomorrow night would be perfect, I said. A couple of other things to bring along if you don’t mind, Ray. Put about half a dozen large petrol cans in the truck and fill them up in Roi Et before coming out to my place. Can you also bring some piles of old newspapers?

Am I getting the picture of what you’re going to do? he said.

I think so, I said. And, Ray, reserve me a plane ticket to Jakarta and another one to Manila. Have one leaving on Friday late and the other one on Saturday. Doesn’t matter which is which.

Ray got there on Wednesday late in the afternoon and I explained what I had in mind. By then I had packed a few things I cared about and two or three small pots I could fit in one of the three bags I had. I went through our photo album and took out all the wedding pictures and all those of the two of us. I burned them right away in the sink in the kitchen. I put the album and her jewelry on top of one edge of the fence we’d had built. Everything else she owned I put in our bedroom on top of our large bed. I put all her dresses and shoes and purses and all the gifts I had gotten her since we were together. I don’t think there was anything of hers that didn’t go into that pile.

Ray and I had a couple of beers watching TV until I couldn’t take anymore. I then said that what we were going to do could be thought of as a work of deconstruction.

I don’t know that word, he said. Is that the reverse of construction ?

Pretty much the case, I said.

I don’t think it took us more than three or four hours to poke several large holes in all the walls in all the rooms. We had some nice hardwood floors in the house and Ray and I did a pretty good job of making a mess of those too. After that we took the sledge hammers to the stove and refrigerator and nearly every last one of the appliances and lamps and tables and chairs. I didn’t have the heart to take the sledge hammer to my potting wheel. I just left it where it had always been.

I guess it must have been after midnight when we finished. Ray asked me how I felt about what I was doing.

I’m sort of numb about the whole thing, I told him.

I bet you hate her, he said.

I don’t really. Maybe I just never understand her and I still don’t.

All this deconstruction of your money bother you? he said.

Well, if I just got up and left all this belongs to her and her boyfriend or whatever he is . That sits a little hard on the mind.

It was about the kid, right? Ray said.

I don’t know, I said. I can’t separate that from what she had going with that guy and wouldn’t tell me what’s up.

Would you do it again?

Marry her like I did, you mean? I said. Sure. Well that’s saying as much from where I was back then when you can’t know what will happen. It was like with my wife Fiorina. I told Ray about her and how much I loved her and how it all changed when she became an alcoholic.

I guess we got one more job to do before I get too drunk to drive, Ray said.

I guess we do, I said.

We scattered anything that would burn good all over each room. Here and there I tore out some paneling to add a little more fuel. Then we took the newspapers Ray had brought along and crunched them up good and stuck them among the wood and Ruch’s clothes and other things. I told Ray to sit and have another beer while I spread the gas around on everything.

I had Ray get the car going and I started at one end of the house with a box of matches. I made sure I had a fire going in each room before I got to the front door and then closed it and locked it.

A couple of miles down the road we pulled over to the side of the road and could see the smoke in the distance. I didn’t have many thoughts then and the few I had were about the good times I had with Ruch. Most of my thoughts went back to that day on the Sky Train when I offered her a seat the second time. If I hadn’t done so the second time it never would have come to this. I might’ve stayed in my job and taken care of my mother and just grown old thinking about the few nice trips I had to Thailand.

*

I called Ray a couple of days ago from Malang on the island of Java. I hadn’t talked to him in nearly five months. That was the night he left me at the airport for the trip to Jakarta. I asked how he was doing.

Good personally, he said. But not so good in the marriage.

I didn’t ask him what was up. I figured it was none of my business. I did say, You get some time I’ll fly you down here and you can spend time with me and my girlfriend.

You going to get married again? he said.

We haven’t gotten that far yet, I said.

What’s holding you up? he said. He laughed. This was unusual because Ray didn’t laugh much except about my little jokes.

I said, I’m trying to find out if she’s got to have a kid.

Is that all you want to know?

Well, one or two other thing too I suppose. I’ve got to see if she’s going to feel a special obligation to take care of her parents.

© Korski. All rights reserved by the author.