Mom Tri's Boathouse Thai Cooking Class

MOM TRI’s BOATHOUSE Thai COOKING CLASS

Recipe For Brother Recovery

Recipe Copyright © 2007 Ms Teerak & Mr Gop

Dear Mr Gourmet Executive Chef Tummanoon Punchun, we have cooked up this Recipe for Brother Recovery with the idea of dishing out some food for thought to your attendees as a complementary course to your cooking class in Mom Tri’s Boathouse.

Of course we have put it through rigorous testing prior to submitting to you. Please let us know if you are interested.

As you will see below, we also believe that Thai cuisine is adaptable, innovative and dynamic. Indeed cooking can be meditative, relaxing, enjoyable and holidaying in Thailand has a special flavor that can be decomposed into five basic sensations, generally in the following order: spicy, sweet, salty, sour and bitter, the last is the one leaving that haunting aftertaste in your mouth.

This recipe illustrates how we brought out all of these five flavors to play together harmoniously.

Comments: failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. Truman Capote

Level: intermediate to advanced

Prep time: a couple of days

Cook time: a couple of hours

Serving: 3

Ingredients

1 desperate holidaying Farang in Thailand
1 sick Farang brother in Hong Kong
1 religious Thai girlfriend from Patong
A copy of a Buddhist chanting book

Step 1

1 small spirit house
6 joss sticks
Some flowers garlands, fresh and fragrant
Some cigars, no need Cubans, any origin is OK
1/2 cup of Red Thai whiskey

Step 2

1 large spirit house
5 Red cashew apples (or 1 big mango)
1 bunch of bananas, all yellow (brown freckles acceptable)
4 bottles (50 cl) of mineral water
3 joss sticks
1 foliage plant

Directions

Preparation

1. Reserve flights and hotel rooms for two Farang brothers that want to holiday ten days in Patong, Phuket Island, Thailand.
2. Place one Farang in a Thai Airways plane that will fly from Hong-Kong to Phuket. Please note that the direct flight TG609 is more convenient than taking two consecutive flights with a stopover in Bangkok.
3. Set aside his brother and let him burn with fever in his Hong Kong hotel room.
4. Add 1 pinch of guilty conscience and 1 pinch of enthusiasm in the Farang mind while he is traveling, so that they make up for each other.
5. Add the beautiful Thai girlfriend to the Farang. Buyers beware! For this recipe it is better to shop in the bars as you have not too much time to lose in the searching and selecting process. But as the best Thai cooking uses the freshest ingredients available to create the unique Thai taste, please make sure to choose a fresh and decent one, avoid the burnt out and beaten-up ones and also the newcomers that may be too green, otherwise the Farang brother will be toast.
6. Let them marinate four days in the Soi Bangla area. The marinade can contain: Singha beer, Ladydrink, bplaa ra?a, sea water, massage oil, sliced exotic fruits, lemongrass, chilli …
7. Once they will be together marinating, they will start to disgorge and exchange various body fluids and they may need to be rinsed again and again. Don’t forget to cover the Farang with the appropriate protection in the appropriate place.
8. Also, remove some cash daily from the Farang’s pocket and place it in the Thai girlfriend’s purse to ensure that the marinade will not turn sour.
9. As the news from the sick brother is not encouraging and in spite of the spicy and sweet, the Farang will get bitter and more bitter by the day. Thus he will want to stop his holidays and return to Hong Kong to take care of him. No need to stir things up as a plan is already simmering in the back of the Thai girlfriend’s mind…

Step 1

1. Like every other Tuesday afternoon, let her clean the small spirit house she has in her room, discard the faded flower garlands and empty the glasses of stale whiskey. Her moves will be efficient and graceful and she can be fast without giving the impression she is hurrying. Combine the Farang to this task as the lady is a little bit short and needs some help to reach the spirit house.
2. Dish up to Buddha fresh flower garlands, a few shots of that strange red colored whiskey and a bunch of cigars. Remark: the important thing here is to adapt the offering to the Buddha that has been chosen for the spirit house. As can be seen on the pictures below, the central effigy representing Buddha is a metallic statuette of a former King of Siam, accompanied by two women that have been his preferred concubines in a harem of two hundred and fifty. You guessed it, this king loved cigars, whiskey and women! Such good qualities made him a good candidate to be elevated to the rank of Buddha. The lady chose this one among many other possible candidates because she is a bargirl and this Buddha is supposed to bring her good luck in her job: good and kind customers with similar tastes to this king.
3. Skim through the Buddhist chanting book and strain the wheat from the chaff to find the appropriate prayers. Remark: this book must contain Thai and English transcriptions of the original Buddhist holy texts that are written in Pali because it is more convenient for both parties. A cheap one can be found at 75 THB in the Bookazine store of in Jungceylon mall.
4. Add the joss sticks and let her light them and share in 2 equal parts.
5. Place the Farang and the Thai girlfriend kneeled in front of the spirit house while holding the smoking sticks in their hands clasped together in a wai.
6. Let them bow 3 times and pray together to Buddha for the recovery of the brother.
7. As the Thai girlfriend is more experienced in these matters, and also cleverer, she will promise to Buddha to offer him 4 bottles of mineral water and some fruits if her prayers are answered.
8. Now relieved, as they are confident in the power of Buddha, you can put them back to marinate.

Step 2

1. 24 hours later; buy the cashew apples, the bunch of bananas, a foliage plant and the 4 bottles of mineral water. You can find these valuable items in Carrefour which is located in the already mentioned Junceylong shopping mall. The big advantage is that the prices are tagged.
2. Place these offerings near the big spirit house that is in front of the Farang hotel and reserve them. This is to remind Buddha what is his mission in case he forgot.
3. Go to the reception desk of the hotel and try to reach the sick brother in Hong Kong.
4. As everybody can expect, the brother is nowhere to be seen in Hong Kong.
5. Then very confidently, you can go back to the spirit house, dish up the offerings and do some thanks prayers.
6. Let the situation simmer a few more hours and put back to marinate for the night.
7. The next morning, just before serving, make a quick inquiry at the reception desk for the brother’s room number.
8. And then you get handed on a silver plate the Thai style brother recovery that will make everybody happy.

COMMENTS

The cashew apples, bananas and bottles of water can be retrieved and used for breakfeast. No need to waste food and to let them rot in the sun as Buddha has obviously accepted them as a valuable offering.

REVIEWS

[…] original and nicely done, please keep them coming. RESTLESS-IN-RAWAI

Amazing Thailand! This recipe is AWESOME! MRCHEFWANNABE

This is a great recipe, but can be made a lot easier with a couple of modifications.
Replace the Buddhist book by the Orange Book and make the brother swallow a couple of antibiotics pills before leaving Hong Kong. Take the Thai girlfriend for short time only and skip the offering stuff. ANONYMOUS

My husband LOVES this recipe! He likes it enough he will even cook it himself. Thanks for the great recipe. MOONSHINE666

INCREDIBLE, just like Mom used to make! I have been searching for a recipe like this one, and this is it! LUK KREUNG SOMCHAI

[…] It really doesn't scream "Authentic Thai" though. PHEOBS

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"Finalist in MOM TRI’S BOATHOUSE SECOND SHORT FICTION CONTEST 2008"

http://www.boathouse.net/short_fiction_contest_result.htm

The author can be contacted at : gatesofparadox@gmail.com