Pushing the Envelope

“I’m thinking of starting a website” says Gav one day.

“Oh,” says Kev only half-listening, “what about?”

“Bangkok of course.”

“Gawd. Don’t you think there’s enough of them already?”

“Mine will be different.” Says Gav.

Gav and Kev are sitting in Morning Night. It seems like an appropriate location. They have just spent the night, and most of the morning, bonking themselves silly with a bunch of Thai tarts.

“My idea,” Says Gav. “is I want to have stuff Stickman and them won’t touch. People get enough information about teaching jobs and how much sinsot to give their greedy bloody in-laws. What blokes want is the real nitty-gritty.”

“You know Gav. I think you may be onto something. How about the video from last night? Can I put it on the website?”

“Course you can Kev. Anything you like mate. This could be your chance to be a porn-star. Talking of porn-stars I might do an interview with that Naughty Nigel bloke. What do you think? A lot of people are curious about that big scar on his stomach.”

“The sod would never agree to it.”

“Alright then I’ll make one up. I don’t give a toss. He ain’t hard.”

Gav and Kev are mulling over the pros and cons of their new venture when they are interrupted by a couple of waitresses. The girls have been sent over to try their luck with ladies drinks. Kev thinks he had one of them already but he’s not sure. Gav orders a big bottle of Mekong.

“And don’t forget the narm keng there’s a good girl. Where was I? Oh yes the website…I think I’ll have lot’s of anal sex on it. Push the envelope a bit. Attract traffic like.”

“What are you going to call it?”

“Oh I don’t know. How about the Bangkok Bum Bandit? Dot com.”

The waitresses come back. Gav offers them a swig from the Mekong bottle but of course the girls want colas.

“Ladyboys.” Says Kev.

“You sure?”

“Not these girls you twat. I’m saying you should have ladyboys on your site. Blokes like to see them getting it up the council gritter.”

“You like ladyboy?” asks one of the waitresses, “Hab.”

“Not me,” says Gav, “my mate.”

“Ugh bugger off,” says Kev with disgust,” I hate bloody ladyboys. Wouldn’t touch one with yours.”

“Like lady better?” Says the waitress.

“Yes,” says Kev, “boom-boom lady better. But not right now. I’m knackered.”

The waitress looks puzzled.“Nacka?”

“No power,” say Gav, “my friend too much boom-boom last night. Here I’ve got one. How about ‘Blow Job Bob?”

“You like samok?” the waitress is doing her best to get their attention. But Gav’s in full flight now. Nothing can distract him.

“See, the way I see it there’s just too many Thai pornsites. We’ve got to come up with something new. What we should do is get some bald ugly old git….some really burned out bloke on his last legs…and let the girls do what they want with him. You know …whips and strap-ons and stuff. Let the girls get their revenge. Move with the times. We could stoke him up with Viagra and see what happens. I think there’s a good niche market out there. People are ready for it.”

“It could be the next level.” Says Kev. “We could call him Prickman.”

“Or how about Sickman?” Gav and Kev are cracking up with laughter now. The waitresses look at each other. They feel a bit left out.

“Don’t mind us girls,” says Gav, “We’re just a couple of ba-ba boo-boo farangs having a little chuckle. Here get yourselves another cola each.”

“You’ll never do it.” Says Kev. “Start a website I mean.”

“Don’t be so sure,” says Gav,

“I’ve got some pictures I took at Lolitas.” Says Kev, “Can I put them on your website?”

“Definitely. We could make a weekly competition out of it. Lot of fellas would jump at a chance to flash their tools. We could call it ‘Where is this Plonker?”

© C. Woww. All rights reserved by the author.

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If you enjoyed this short story of C. Woww's his book 'Losing the Plot' can easily be purchased here at DCO Books online: http://www.dcothai.com/product_info.php?cPath=21&products_id=106

It can also be found in many local bookshops in Thailand, especially, we have seen, in the many Bookazine Bookshops in Bangkok and Pattaya.