She's Home Again!

She’s home again! I knew she would come back. We’ve been through so much together. You don’t just throw that away, do you?

We met at a night club one boiling hot night last year. It was like a furnace outside. The middle of the hot season in Bangkok is always hard to take. So I ducked into the ice cold night club in the basement of some hotel that happened to be near where I was strolling. It was too hot and lonely to stay home on a night like that.

The interior was chilled to almost freezing point, goading the patrons into dancing feverishly out on the dance floor.

I wasn’t there for the dancing, or the numerous girls who seemed to be everywhere I looked. Just sitting at the bar enjoying a long tall Collins was enough. I turned on my bar stool to watch the crowd. It was still early. But the place was almost full already.

My eyes slid over some of the stunning looking women without really stopping on any of them. I’d been in Bangkok long enough to have become blasé. Too many easily available women, some for a price, some not. Who cared? Who had the energy in this awful heat?

I didn’t notice her at first. She was just another blur in my peripheral vision as she jostled up to the bar to order a drink. At that moment, the man sitting next to me got up to leave and she plonked herself down next to me with an audible sigh.

I only noticed her when she turned her stool like I had to watch the scene. I glanced at her quickly, taking in her long straight black hair, her slim, elegant body-hugging electric blue dress; just a quick glance.

She gave me a shy smile, but turned back to her watching. So I did the same. The ever changing patterns of people in crowds had always fascinated me. I watched as tables crowded with gaggles of giggling girls, only to be become bare as they got up to dance. At other tables, boisterous young men laughed and drank, competing to see who could drink the most the fastest.

The place was huge. I guess it took up most of the basement of the large hotel. From where I sat at the bar it was hard to see the other side of the room. A huge stage dominated one end. A Thai band pumped out hard rhythms, accompanied by women singers too energetic for my taste. Just watching them perform tired me out.

Sometimes, one of what seemed to be several katoeys would strut out on stage and perform a hilarious song and dance routine. At least, I guessed it was funny. The Thais sure laughed a lot, raising the fun quotient several notches each time.

I felt a gentle tug at my sleeve. Turning, I found myself looking directly into the eyes of the girl who had taken the bar stool next to mine. I think that’s when I fell in love with her. Eyes so dark and beautiful they drew me into their depths and I stopped breathing for a moment. If you’ve ever experienced it, you will know that feeling. If not, I hope one day you will.

She was asking me a question. I missed it at first.

“What was that?”  I shouted as I mimed deafness.

She smiled a white-toothed, perfect smile and leaned in close.

“You look very lonely.” She breathed into my ear.

“Oh, I’m fine.” I lied, shivering at the touch of her breath on my face. “I just came in here to cool off. I enjoy looking at the people.”

“Me too. It’s so hot outside. My name is Took.”

I introduced myself and we carried on our conversation, slowly getting to know each other. Neither of us mentioned getting up to dance. I guess we both feared we would lose our prime seats at the bar. I ordered drinks for us. We talked and laughed together for the next few hours.

Then she said, “Do you have aircon at your place?”

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I usually judge whether I want to continue a relationship with a woman when I wake up from our first night in bed. If I look at her and see beauty, despite her mussed up hair, no makeup, and sleepy breath I figure she’s a keeper. For a while, anyway. Living in Bangkok it’s never a good idea to keep a woman around for too long. I get bored too easily. And let’s face it, living with a woman is a lot different to sleeping with her a few times. At least, that’s how I felt until I met Took.

Our first morning together was different. I couldn’t feast my eyes on her enough. She was stunningly beautiful, even in her natural state. Her body was tight. Her skin color was just slightly off-white, enough to give her a warm glow. Her breasts were not large, but they were perfectly formed, with small brown nipples that hardened every time she looked at me. It was an exciting feeling knowing she felt the same as me.

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Time passed and our love grew. The passionate nights melded into the love-glowing days. Every minute we were at work seemed like an eternity. We phoned each other three, four times a day. If I had overheard myself speaking to her I would have blushed at the syrupy words that flowed. I yearned for her with all my being.

No woman had ever had this effect on me before. Deep down, I would sometimes think to myself that I didn’t deserve this. But then I would stop myself and say, “The hell I don’t!”

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More time passed and we settled into a comfortable routine. We still made love often, but somehow the shine wore off a little. I still loved her, and she said she loved me. But for some reason I started feeling that something was missing. There I was, only twenty eight years old. Took had just turned twenty four. She still looked wonderful. She turned heads wherever we went. But there I was asking myself if this was enough. What was wrong with me?

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Then one day something happened. I couldn’t pin it down at first. Puzzled, I looked up from my workstation as I felt the hairs on the back of my neck hackle. Someone was watching me.

It was Nok, the cute little secretary who sat just a few yards away from me outside her boss’ door. I’d noticed her before, of course, but this time there was something else. She was watching me with her mouth open and big wondrous eyes.

As soon as she saw me notice her, she put her head down and pretended to be working. I turned my head, but kept a lookout from the corner of my eye.

Yep! She was staring at me again. I felt a shiver course through me. I hadn’t felt the thrill of the chase for a long time. That was what was missing from my perfect life with Took.

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Well, things happen in life. Sometimes we do things without thinking of the consequences. Nok came up to me at midday and asked when I was going to take her to lunch.

“Right now!”

It didn’t take long for her to take me home to her place.  That first time was great. I watched as she settled me onto a huge sofa that dominated the living room in her small condo.

I watched as she poured me a drink and set it down in front of me, leaning over so that I could see past her cleavage to the white panties she was wearing beneath the loose dress she was wearing. I asked her to cool the aircon because I was getting hot. She took the hint and we were soon hard at it in her bedroom.

Afterwards, I rushed home. Feeling guilty. But before I got there I stopped and took stock. As long as Took didn’t find out, where was the harm in a little something on the side? With that thought in mind I bought Took some roses and strode confidently into our house.

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The fling with Nok didn’t last long. I usually make it a rule never to have anything to do with women who work with me. I don’t know why I bothered with Nok. Did I have a self-destruct wish? Did I want to see my life crumble around me?

Because that’s what happened. Nok fell in love with me, naturally. Innocent women without much experience in love usually do that with men they have slept with. Doesn’t the old saying go, ‘She took seriously what was poked at her in fun’?

Whatever. She started getting possessive. I tried to break it off. She cried, threw things, and became surly at work. No longer did she smile at me. Instead, I had to sit at my workstation and feel her eyes searing into the top of my head.

My work suffered, and one day my boss called me in for a ‘serious talk’. I was given one month to get my old performance back.

I couldn’t do it. Things deteriorated between me and Nok. By that time, we had stopped seeing each other after work. But a woman scorned doesn’t let go, especially when her man sits so close to her all day long. I started dreading going to the office. My work got worse. Until the inevitable happened. I was fired.

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Things at home during this time started going bad too. Took could see there was a problem. I was irritable, moody. I would not touch her. At night I went to bed early and turned my back on her.

I knew what I was doing, but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve. It’s just the way I am.

Finally, she couldn’t take it any more. We had a big fight. She demanded to know what the problem was. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. She asked me if I still loved her. Of course I do I screamed inside, but I kept my mouth shut and just looked at her sullenly, ashamed of myself.

Then I blurted out that I had had an affair with a woman at work and I had lost my job.

She didn’t say anything. She just stared at me stricken. Then she packed her bags and left. No histrionics. No accusations. No scratching nails or biting teeth. She just calmly packed and left. That hurt most of all, I think.

I was devastated, but also relieved. I shut the door as she walked out and just stared unseeing at her retreating figure through the glass panels.

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It took me six hours before I came to my senses. I picked up my Nokia and called. She didn’t answer. I called again, and again, and again.

Finally, she answered without saying a word.

“Took. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I breathed. I could hardly get the words out through my choked up emotions.

Silence. She didn’t say a word. Silence for a minute. An hour? An eternity. Then she hung up.

The next few days were hell. I suffered agonies, asking myself over and over again why I had been so stupid. But there was no answer was there?

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I woke up this morning in yet another sweat. I have no job to go. No job. My money is running out and I have no prospects. If only Took would come back and forgive me I could get my life back together and we could work through this awful period in our lives. We could make it work. I just knew we could. But if Took didn’t take the first step and come back to talk it over what could I do?

The phone rang. I raced to pick it up, frantically hoping it was Took.

It was!

Ah, joy, such joy when I heard her voice asking, “Can I come over?”

“Yes, yes, yes, a thousand time yes!”

I didn’t even ask her why she wanted to come over. It was enough that she had asked.

I ran around cleaning up the house, stuffing old dirty clothes out of sight, sweeping the floor, tidying the books, and throwing out all the empty beer cans and fast meal packs.

The place was ready just minutes before she rang the door bell.

I took a deep breath and walked calmly to the door. Opened it. Looked into her beautiful eyes once again. I reached out to embrace her.

She sidestepped me and slid past into the house. Without a word she went into the bedroom…our bedroom…the one unsullied by any other woman. I followed her like a hungdown faithful dog,

She rummaged in our bedside drawers until she found the Piaget watch she had bought on an overseas business trip.

“I forgot this beautiful watch Pierre in Paris bought for me. That’s all I wanted. Good bye.”

She left again.

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Please excuse the blood stains on the page. I am writing this final goodbye as I sit in the bath and wait for my life to ebb out. Took, I love you. I can’t live without you. Goodbye.

© Marc Holt. All rights reserved by the author.