Happy in Thailand

I was totting up the years the other day and I was astounded to realize I’ve lived here almost 30 years. Amazing! I only came here for a one-week holiday. Despite all those years since I still feel like I’m on holiday.

Living here can be very comfortable, provided you take some basic precautions. Maybe what works for me is not for you. But I offer my own experiences here and you can be the judge.

Jai yen yen – Keep a cool heart – Mai pen rai

Almost one of the first phrases I learned when I came here was jai yen yen. It means to keep a cool heart, or don’t be hot headed. Yeah, I was a hotheaded young fella when I arrived. We come from a society that expects perfection. Jobs must be done on time, and they must be done well. Not so in Thailand. I wanted everything done as fast and efficiently as we did it back home. So I often heard jai yen yen from my Thai colleagues.

You can still do the job well, but do it at a Thai pace. It will get done with a lot less stress.

Here, it’s important to enjoy whatever you are doing. If it’s not Sanuk (good fun) Thais will quickly lose interest. They also rely on a close-knit group of friends at work to support them. This can mean that ‘face’ comes into the equation as well. Somchai is not going to do a job so well that he makes his other friends look bad. It’s important to care about the other people in your group.

This caused me problems many years ago when I was technical manager at a large computer company. I had a team of twelve technicians and programmers working under me. I would hand out work assignments and give them a deadline for completion. Invariably, the assignments were either incomplete or not even started.

When I dug into the reasons for this I realized that even though I was nominally in charge of the team, the real leader was the chief programmer. He led the team and made the decisions on what was to be done. If he decided that an assignment I had handed out was not as important as something he was working on, my assignment was pushed to the rear. I soon learned to work closely with him and ask him to help me make decisions and assign them to the team. If I had not already learned jai yen yen. I would have not been able to resolve the problem. It’s very easy to let ego get in the way, instead of cooling down and working the Thai way.

One excellent way to build up good relations with your staff is to bring some kanom (sweets) for them occasionally, especially if you have been away traveling. If you go overseas, bring them a treat from the country you visited. If you go upcountry, buy them a bunch of Thai kanom.

You don’t have to do this every day. But if your staff have done a good job, you can bring them some kanom, or even better take them out to dinner somewhere. Of course, you pick up the tab at the end of the evening.

You must walk a fine line though. You can’t be over friendly. They are not your equals. You are the boss and must act like one. But at the same time you can’t be overbearing. By bringing them kanom, or treating them to a meal for a job well done you gain a lot of face and they will respect you. Respect is very important to them. Step over the line and lose it, and you may well find it impossible to continue working with them.

Like offices the world over, you should also avoid an office romance. You will lose face, you will find that your staff do not respond any more, and you will certainly have trouble with the girl you have an affair with. One of you will have to leave the company eventually. Guess who that will be.

Face

This brings me to the Face concept. Every Thai has face. But what is face, exactly?

Basically, it is the self-esteem Thais hold themselves in. Destroy that self-esteem somehow and you will make an instant enemy. You may not even know you have done it if you are not careful. When dealing with Thais, always be careful to maintain their dignity. If you have an issue with someone at the office, take them aside and have it out with them in private. Don’t berate them in front of their colleagues.

And remember that you also have face to the Thais. This is why you always need to maintain a certain dignity. Yes, you can laugh and joke with people who are socially ‘inferior’ to them, but never lower your guard or they will take advantage of you. This is where a lot of farung have problems. If you know a Thai very well and one day they come to you with a sob story and ask for money, be firm and polite, but say No.

If you give in, you immediately lose face, because they know you are a sucker and they can take advantage of you. The only Thais you should ever help are close family members, and only then if you have a high position in the family. Since my wife’s father died, I am the senior male in the family. Her mother is still in charge, but I am the one they look to if there is ever a real problem that requires the family to help with.

So far, in the eight years we have been married, I have only been asked twice to help a family member. My cousin had a serious medical problem that needed urgent treatment. Her father, my brother in law, asked if I could loan him the money for the operation and he would repay me within one week. Of course, I helped them. And true to his word he repaid the money.

The second time was with my wife’s next oldest sister, a lazy and dare I say it, stupid girl. She had borrowed 15,000 Baht from a moneylender five years ago. She had been paying a usurious interest every month ever since then without being able to repay the original loan.

I agonized over this request with my wife. We discussed the many problems the sister had created for herself. The loan business was just one in a long string. In the end we decided not to help her. If we had, she would have done something else equally stupid and asked for more money because she would have seen my help as a loss of face for me. Instead, we told her to leave the job and get away from the moneylender. She had more than repaid him with the interest she had been paying.

But she refused, saying that she liked her job and didn’t want to leave her friends. What can you say to someone like that? She is still paying interest now, more than two years later.

Buddha is always with you

Thais believe the only perfect thing in the universe is Buddha. And he is always with them.

Have you ever noticed how bus drivers sit on the side of their seat squashed up against the side of the bus? That’s so that they can leave room for Buddha to sit beside them. When you realize that, it’s a bit worrying isn’t it? After all, it really means they are not confident about their driving ability and expect Buddha to guide them. Kind of like that woman who let go of the steering wheel in the US and cried out for Jesus to guide her car…just before she had a major crash.

This attitude towards perfection carries over into all Thai life. Nothing is ever done to perfection. It would be an insult to the Buddha.

This is especially evident in the construction industry. You hear stories from foreigners all the time. They come here to build a dream home for their retirement. But invariably the tiles are laid wrong, the wiring is a mess, walls are not straight, window frames have gaps between the wall and frame. The list is endless. An extreme example of this was one chap who ordered a home in Phuket. He gave the builder the plans, and then he was called back home for three months. When he returned the house structure was almost finished. He was impressed. At least, he was impressed until he walked inside. At first, he couldn’t put his finger on what was wrong. Then he realized that the builder had read the plans upside down. His house had been built back to front!

But he has lived here long enough to know there was no sense in getting angry. He just shrugged and worked with what he had. He had to move windows and some inner walls to achieve something livable. Mai pen rai.

Noise and pollution

Westerners coming here for the first time are often amazed at the noise and pollution. How can you live here, they ask.

The answer is simple. Do what the Thais do. Look for the beauty around you and ignore the ugly.

Living in Thailand comfortably

Officials: The biggest headache you will face here will be your dealings with officials, especially immigration police. Remember that these people have the power to allow you to stay, or they can kick you out; depending on how you interact with them. No matter what they demand, and how inconvenient it is for you, keep smiling, do exactly what they ask, and always be polite.

Soon after I arrived here I made the mistake of antagonizing my immigration officer. I received a message from my secretary to go and see him. This was on the last day of preparations for the first ever business exhibition at the new Australian Embassy. Needless to say, I was extremely busy. I told my secretary to tell him I would go and see him the next day. Nothing more was said.

I arrived the next day. He had a big grin on his face. “Give me your passport.”

I handed it over and he pulled out a huge stamp and banged, “Visa Cancelled” on the page. Then he looked at me and told me that next time he called he expected me to arrive on the same day. He gave me 24 hours to get out of Thailand and apply for a new visa. You don’t make that mistake twice.

Next time I saw him I took a bottle of JW Black, and gave him a deep Wai. He looked after me very well after that.

Work and Home: You don’t have to ‘go native’ as some people try to do. You can live very well here as long as you keep your relations with those around you on an even keel. Whenever something goes wrong, and it will, getting angry will only make a bad situation worse. Learn to control your emotions and you will do much better.

Angry at something? Don’t blow up. Wait until you are out of sight of any Thais and let off steam. Thais sometimes do it by kicking a dog. I don’t recommend that. But you can beat the hell out of your pillow. Or go out for a drink and a good whine with a farung friend. After you have got it out of your system you will be ready to face life until the next crisis.

When my brother was up here a few years ago we had a small problem. I don’t even remember what it was any more. But I do remember his reaction. He got angry. I kept my cool and resolved the problem. Afterwards, he turned to me and paid me what I consider the greatest compliment he has ever given me, “Marc, you are very Thai.”

When people start saying that to you, you know you have finally got a handle on living in Thailand.

2007 © Marc Holt. All rights reserved by the author.