Planning to Get Married in Thailand?

While the recent political and legal events are making some people re-think their plans to live and work in Thailand, I have met others who can’t wait to relocate here. I hope the following advice will give you some tips and help you make the right decision.

Before you do decide to come and live here, you might want to come to Thailand at least a few times and get to know the country, the people, the culture, and the customs. All of these are important, especially if you will be looking for a Thai girl to marry.

Take the case of one young Englishman I met the other day. He came to see me at my office about buying a condo. He was preceded by a rather rough looking dark skinned Thai who said he was the young man’s tuk-tuk driver, and was this the right office they were looking for? He looked a bit scary. When my secretary confirmed that it was he beckoned the young Englishman into the office.

Now, picture this if you can. He had one of those floppy bush hats with a wide brim He wore a dirty T-shirt, and a colorful pair of floppy hippie trousers. No socks. Just sandals. His face was covered with piercings, unshaven, and he clasped a large bottle of Chang beer. You can imagine what my secretary and I were thinking.

He told me he had just sold his house in the UK and he wanted to buy a condo fast so that he could settle down and get a job. I didn’t ask what type of job he expected to get, because it was obvious he would have no chance of getting one dressed like that. Here was a man who had already burned his bridges and expected to move to a new country without any difficulty. Naturally, I tried to explain gently that he might like to observe what the Thais wear and buy some clothes to help him fit in. Of course, I also recommended he read Stickman. I wish him luck. He will need it.

Moving to a new country is difficult enough. If you have not done any preparation it will be even harder. You need to do your homework first. How do I know? Because I came here and stayed without planning to. But at least I was offered a job almost immediately and I bought some decent business clothes before I started work. Besides, that was more than 25 years ago and it was much easier back then. Visas and work permits were issued without any trouble. Bangkok was so small that I didn’t need to worry about transport or even traveling anywhere further away than Sathorn, Silom, and Suriwong roads.

One of the first things I did after I settled in was to start learning Thai. I was lucky. I made friends with some Thais in the apartment building where I was staying. We used to take a couple of bottles of Mekong whisky, my guitar, and some food up on the roof each evening and they would teach me. They also taught me the rudiments of Thai culture: Don’t point your feet at someone; don’t touch their heads, etc. It was a fun way to learn, and it gave me an opportunity to get to know the Thais better than if I had gone to a school. I began to use my new language skills at work and around town and was amazed at the difference in my treatment. The Thais bent over backwards to help me. Learning the language is essential if you plan to stay here. But these days, there are so many other things to consider that I would never move here like that now.

Skills

For a start, you need to consider what work you can get. If you have no skills in demand here, you will end up taking anything you can get your hands on, which is how quite a few young men have ended up in jail. Some have even taken to begging on the streets. Is that what you want?

You are a carpenter, a bricklayer, an artisan? Forget it. Thais always do those jobs. The best job you might find would be a construction management job…if you are really lucky.

Even if you have a TEFL certificate, that’s not enough to get a teaching job at a school or university where you might earn a reasonable salary. If you plan on working in any of the local language schools, be prepared to lose weight, because you will never make enough money to live comfortably.

So, you need to have a marketable skill that will pay you a reasonable salary. Without that, you are going to find it very hard to stay here. The new visa rules ensure that anyway.

Appearance

Appearances can be deceptive, especially in Thailand. What you see on the surface is exactly what you get. So if you turn up dressed the same as our young British friend above, you are not going to be well received. Thais dress very conservatively, although that is changing these days. But even so, when they ‘dress down’ you will find that their jeans are not only clean, but they are pressed. They will probably sport a prestigious label too.

If you plan on getting a job, turning up with multiple piercings will guarantee a rejection, especially if you are dressed inappropriately too.

We are a lot more relaxed in the West, but Thais judge you by your appearance first. To impress them you had better learn to dress up.

Women

Dressing well is also a requirement if you are want to meet women. Even the bar girls will judge you by your appearance. Try a little experiment if you don’t believe me. Dress in a business shirt, a clean pressed pair of slacks, put on good shoes, and head for a bar. You will be welcomed with open arms.

Now try dressing in a baggy pair of old shorts, a torn T-shirt, and thongs and go to a bar the next night. Forget to shave too if you want to accentuate the impression. The girls will walk a wide berth around you for sure.

If that’s how your appearance affects bar girls, imagine how important it is to dress well if you are chasing non-bar girls. Let’s say you are dressed in your best clothes and you walk down Silom Road at lunchtime. Slow down and smile. I guarantee you will see the girls smiling back. Even if they don’t, you can bet they will be thinking, “handsome man.”

Somewhere to Live

Staying at a hotel gets expensive, so if you plan on staying here beyond a few months you need to think about accommodation. There are plenty of apartments for rent, some for as little as a few thousand Baht a month, and going up the scale from there. Naturally, the cheap apartments will be cheap and nasty. They probably won’t have air-conditioning, and you most likely will be sharing the building with lots of Thais. If you have never tried it, take my word you don’t want to. They make noise all hours of the day and night. Strange cooking smells will waft down the corridor into your room. You will be approached all the time to lend money to them. Drunks will be fighting and singing in the corridors. The litany is endless.

If that’s not enough, one of these cheap rooms is rarely more than 30 square meters, which includes a small bathroom, usually with a squat toilet. If you are going to rent an apartment, look for a building with at least some foreigners in it. The more the better. Of course, you will be paying more, but you will actually be able to live in comfort in return.

After you have an apartment, you will probably want to think about something more permanent. Perhaps you will want to buy a condo. You should do your homework in advance. Find out the cost of condos in the area you like. Check out the real estate listings in magazines and online. Compare prices. Read up on the condominium act to find out what you are allowed and not allowed to do as a foreigner.

To buy a condo, you need to be able to bring in the full purchase price from overseas. Your real estate agent can tell you the exact process. But you should know that you do not bring the money into Thailand until you have found the property you want to buy. A good source of information is www.holt-realty.com.

Finding Your Wife

Now you have mastered the basic skills you need to live here comfortably you are ready for the next big step. But how do you find the ideal wife? Good question. When you find the answer tell me, will you?

As we have read in recent submissions, finding a wife is not easy. We all have different tastes. But you can improve your chances if you follow the advice above about dress, learning the language, etc.

You might find someone at your office. Or perhaps you will meet a salesgirl in one of the department stores. I never had to go looking. I usually let the girls make the first move. Of course, I wasn’t deluged, but I did manage to meet quite a lot of girls who were looking for a farung. I still meet them even today, although the question now is, “Do you have any handsome friends I can meet?” Such is the tragedy of being married in Thailand. You finish up sending the good ones to your friends!

Here’s how I met my wife. I had just broken up with a girl, and I was out walking through a Central department store around Xmas time. I was congratulating myself on being a free man again, able to chat up any beautiful woman I fancied.

I walked past the perfume counter and there was this gorgeous girl working there. She looked up as I passed and we both smiled at each other. I walked about 5 more steps and thought to myself, go back and talk to her. She spoke no English so I had to use my Thai. It must have been good enough, because we have been married more than 7 years. You just never know when that special one will turn up. So much for celebrating my freedom. It lasted less than one week!

Legal Issues

Ok, you’ve found a girl you want to marry. It’s time to face reality and work out what will work best for you. Your first concern is where to live. Do you want to get married and live in Thailand? Or would it be better for the both of you to live in your home country? Would she like to go there? Will she be able to fit in? Again, the best way to figure that out is for you both to visit your home country first. Observe how she likes it. Does she fit in well with your culture? Does your family like her? Can she eat the food? Does she start pining for Thai food?

She will be watching you too during the courtship, to see how well you fit into the Thai way of life.

Should you get married legally, or just live together?

If you can live together at first, that is probably a good idea. You both need time get to know each other and decide whether it is going to last. But when the kids start coming, that’s the time to get married for sure. It will make things much easier for the kids. They will have no trouble getting a Thai passport, going to Thai schools and qualifying for government benefits, such as they are.

Schooling is a difficult question. My wife and I discussed it and we decided to put my first daughter into a Thai kindergarten. In the three years she was there, they taught her to read and write English and Thai. They also taught her mathematics, to swim, and to dance. When she graduated, she was well and truly ready for primary school. But where to send her?

Is it worth sending your child to an international primary school? Again, we discussed this and we finally decided to send our daughter to a private Thai school teaching both Thai and English. She has a very good English teacher at school, and of course she has me at home.

She is getting a well-rounded education and I am very happy with her progress. So this is one route you might want to consider. Once my daughter is ready for high school we will place her in an international school. I don’t feel it is necessary until then. But that’s my choice. You may think differently for different reasons.

Ensuring You Can Stay

Unless you already have a very well paid salary job, perhaps the best way to stay here is to become self-employed. This is not for everyone, and it can be very difficult. But the rewards can also make it well worthwhile. For a start, you pay your own salary, so it is easier to conform to the visa regulations that stipulate what minimum salary you should receive to ensure a visa and work permit.

As long as you show that you are paying taxes at the minimum allowed rate, you will not face any problems. For example, you might pay yourself 50,000 Baht on paper, but in reality you only take home 20,000 Baht. The 50,000 Baht on paper pays your taxes, and this will help you when applying to renew your visa.

Owning your own business means your company can also employ your wife, or you could even make her the owner of the company. The new visa requirements say that your combined salary should total 40,000 Baht to qualify for a married visa. So the company could pay her that much, and then she could employ you on a minimum salary so that you pay a very low tax rate. The law is satisfied, and you have no worries. Of course, you would still have to keep the boss in line, right? But you could also stay to work late and perform some additional duties with her on the executive desk. All work and no play…..?

These guidelines are by no means complete, but they will give you a starting point to help you make the decision whether to give up your life in the West to come and live in the exotic East. Just remember that relocating to a new country and culture needs a lot of serious thought and preparation before you make the move.