Hot, Wet, Bald Pussy, An Apple a Day, and the Freebie

The Viet Nam war was in full throttle. Every twenty minutes a flight of seven F-4C fighter bombers would take off from the Ubon airbase, their afterburners streaming out 100 feet behind them as they clawed their way into the sky. The would rendezvous with a refueling tanker on the way to give them the legs to get to Hanoi and then go on to drop their bomb loads. Living next to the airbase, just 200 meters from the runway, it was difficult to get a good night’s sleep.

I was in the Royal Australian Air Force working in a communications bunker jamming the Commie’s radio broadcasts, and gathering Sig-Int (Signals Intelligence) that was passed to the CIA based in Hawaii. I was doing my bit to combat communism. Yay!

I worked 24 hours on and 48 hours off. The work wasn’t very difficult, but we had to be on it all the time, so when I got time off I really liked to relax and play hard. I was young enough back then.

I’d been in Ubon about two weeks when I went with a bunch of my mates to The Bunny Club. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Beautiful bunny girls, cocktails, sex oozing everywhere, right?

It was just a large building with corrugated walls and roof, a Thai band up in one corner, and a mezzanine floor in the opposite corner. The place was packed with American airmen and heaps of hookers when we walked in. Our small contingent of Aussies was a mere drop in the crowd. We headed for the mezzanine floor where some of our mates had already commandeered a table overlooking the crowd below.

Someone ordered a round and a large bottle of Mekong and a half dozen bottles of beer arrived. We got down to some serious drinking, as we Australians know how. The Thai band was playing The Doors, The Beatles, and CCR, etc. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t much good either. They just provided a musical background noise. The place was buzzing. Lots of partying going on. Some of the guys down below us might not be alive tomorrow, so the pace was full on.

I was sitting there minding my own business, feeling no pain, when a skinny little bitch came at me and sat down on my lap. She was so skinny she would have had to jump around in the shower to get wet. But she had a pretty face, and I have always been partial to thin women. I poured her a beer and we started the usual introductions. You know. “Hello, what you name? Where you come fom? How ol’ you?”

Her name was Joy. She was from across the other side of the Mekong River, somewhere in Laos. I never did find out where. But she was over here and that was enough for me.

The more beers we drank the less talk passed, but we were communicating well, having fun, laughing and joking. It was turning into a good night.

Suddenly, she screamed out “I kill you!” and pulled a long knife out of her bag. I thought I was dead for sure. But she wasn’t after me. She jumped over the mezzanine floor onto the tables below and ran screaming through the crowd chasing some US airman out the door.

Stunned, I asked my mates what that was all about. They all laughed and said, “Don’t sweat it. She’s not after you and that’s all you need to worry about.”

Well, about twenty minutes she comes back and sits down on me again as if nothing had happened. I asked her what she was doing chasing that bloke. She looked at me, shrugged, and said, “I sleep with him last night. He no pay. I catch he and get my money. All ok now.”

“Well jeez love, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll pay you.” She smiled and we partied on some more.

I took her back to her hooch. It was just a little room in a long line of rooms outside the US airbase gates back in 1967. Each room had a bed, a rudimentary bathroom with a concrete tub of water and a scoop, and a squat toilet. Up the road from the hooch was a rough pen holding the biggest, fattest pig I have ever seen. She would loll in the muck munching on whatever food was thrown to her. I never saw that pig get up on her legs. She was probably too fat to walk.

That first night I took her home I was drunk, but not too drunk to have a good time. The trouble was, there wasn’t much to play with. She had tits like a 12 year old, and when I looked down she looked even more like one. Not a hair to be seen!

I’d never seen a woman that old that looked like a little girl. I have to admit it was a turn on, and we ended up having a great night together. Talk about hot, wet, bald pussy! She was a hot one for sure.

The next time I was off work I met her again and spent the 48 hours with her. By this time we were getting on very well so I proposed that I see her each time I was free. She was happy with this arrangement. As she said, “You go work 24 hours, I go work 24 hours. You no work I no work, stay home be with you.” So that’s what we did.

She also told me that she loved me and that I didn’t have to pay her any more. She would make her money while I was working.

Well, I was happy she felt that way, but also a little uncomfortable. I hadn’t forgotten the night we met. But she wouldn’t take my offer of some money as I left for work. “No. I no want money you. I love you. You make me happy, look after me good. I do same for you.” So that was it then. I had a girlfriend.

I would buy her presents instead of giving her money and she was happy with that. But she didn’t want it to be a one way street. She would buy me things too. Usually shirts from the market, size Thai man. They were a little small for me, but I wore them to show I appreciated her gifts.

There was only one fly in the ointment as far as I was concerned. Her best friend had the hooch next to hers. The separating wall didn’t reach all the way to the roof and there was no ceiling. We could hear everything going on next door, and so could they.

Now, you’ve all heard the joke about the hooker who lay there eating an apple while the John was doing the business? Well, it actually happened to me. I would bring her fruit from the mess. She loved apples and pears. They were flown in especially for us from Australia, so I would snag a couple and take them to her. She loved them so much that she would happily eat them while I was banging away on top. If her girlfriend was next door they would even carry on a conversation as well. I didn’t understand Thai, but from the laughter it was obvious they were discussing our performance.

But who cared? I was young, having a ball (literally), and she was good fun to be with. She must have been saying nice things about me to her girlfriend because she propositioned me once, saying that she wanted to see if Joy was telling the truth. I assured her Joy was, and left it at that. I always remembered that long knife!