Adventure of the Blue Carbuncles Conclusion

We found Sorkan, still tied to the chair, lying behind an aisle of boxes. The next hour passed in a blur of phone calls, police cars, and congratulations. The only sane grounding to which my tortured nerves managed to cling, was when we finally stole away to the Ugly Parrot for a quick drink.

“We only have time for one, Wil,” said Sorkan as our wall-eyed saviour darted behind the bar and reached for the vodka bottle. “The news conference is in thirty minutes.”

“We?”

“I assumed you would be joining me, Mr. Spanner. You deserve credit for solving this case as much as I.”

“Not the first time yer in tha’ news today, by tha’ way Captain.”

“How’s that Wil?”

“While you ‘as messin’ about wit’ yer fancy South African friend, a big story broke regardin’ tha’ riot last night in Chon Buri.”

Sorkan went silent.

“What?” I demanded, “What are they saying now!”

“Jus’ ‘at it was all Lastradisomp’s doin’.   Two reporters ‘ave come forward sayin’ tha’ they was beaten by Bureau men under tha’ lil’ bastard’s command, then was told to run tha’ false story about tha’ Captain’s men bein’ at fault like…or face reprisals from tha’ bloody Bureau! Jus’ a bunch a thugs, that lot.”

“That’s excellent!”

Sorkan just hissed a thoughtful sigh. I watched him curiously.

“Ner’ mind ‘im lad,” said Wil, nodding at Sorkan, “ ‘Ee’s jus’ keepin’ his cards close is all. Goes against ‘is nature ta’ revel in another’s misfortune, like. Even when tha’ misfortune is as well deserved as Lastradisomp’s is.”

“Wil,” chided Sorkan gently.

I chuckled as the barman rolled his eyes and drifted away down the bar.

“So my client’s husband, Jerry Tonnage, was their American buyer!” I said as Lek curled herself around me like a warm sweater. “Man, that’s spooky.”

“My men took him into custody a half hour ago, but I suspect he was just one of many buyers, Mr. Spanner. We may never know how large their web was spun, but I suspect it entailed hundreds of shipments involving at least dozens of other customs officers.”

“We only got acquainted with the unfortunate ones that rocked the boat, I guess. That’s what happened wasn’t it?”

“Yesss. Most of them I’m sure, were convinced that they were receiving rather generous pay-offs for the volume of sapphires that they believed they were moving. Most of them were loathe to bite the hand that fed them so well. However, we know of Mr. Balaem’s big pipe dreams of course, and the third victim’s junkie-desperation for heroin, but why the other two victims decided to break open the orbs and extract the stones, may always be a mystery.”

“Greed, I suppose. Or just plain curiosity.”

“Perhapsss.”

“When I was babbling about them hiding gem stones inside the orbs, you confirmed my theory--though at the time it must have sounded ridiculous--as though you knew it to be fact. How come you were so sure?”

Sorkan looked thoughtful. “The curious qualities of the glass fragments we retrieved from the rubbish heap confirmed my findings in the custom’s log. That being: that it was a similar orb to the ones present in the fragile glass shipments corresponding with each of the relevant time-windows. Then it was a simple matter to compare the weight of the glass we found against the weight of an unbroken orb. It was a fine line, yes, but it did suggest that there was mass missing from the victim’s sample. Why? Because he’d broken it open and removed something. Something (or some things) that were very small. This rather drastically narrowed the list of possible items they could be smuggling.”

“And with a re-examination of the words printed on the bribe envelopes, you deduced that Lastradisomp and his men had misread the word ‘geuda’ and thought it had said 'gouda'.”

Sorkan hissed a phoney sigh of disappointment but I detected a grin tugging at the corners of his broad mouth. A snake-smile.

“Here’s to Lastradisomp’s vigilant cheese patrol,” I said, raising my glass.

The barman shuffled back down the bar with a yellow-tusked smirk and the three of us drank to our success.

“Thanks for distracting Big Yannie for me back there by the way.”

“Well I had to do something,” hissed Sorkan. “He had you at a bit of a disadvantage weapon-wise. Although, Mr. Spanner, you’re pitching abilities are impressive.”

“Oh thanks,” I mumbled. “I’d thought you’d escaped somehow.”

“No, I’d merely tipped over my chair and inched my way just out of sight when I called to the suspect.”

“Well it was a good bluff. It gave me a clear shot at him.”

“I’d say we both have Wil to thank for his timely arrival!”

“Damn! I’ll say!”

“Lucky tha’ Captain ‘ere tolds me ta’ follow ‘im if he didn’t report back in two hours.”

“Damn! I’d a been a gone'r if you hadn’t come along!” The deadly flash of the knife blade was still fresh in my memory.

“Ahh. Denna mention it lad. It was me pleasure ta do tha good Captain ‘ere a nice turn fer once. Although, to be honest, it ‘ouldn’t serve me visa situation well if it was known I was messed up in a killin’ like. Weren’t me first of course, jus’ me first one ‘ere.” He winked at Sorkan but the concern was clear to read on his face. “Similar circumstances back ‘ome make it a wee bit difficult to go back to if they kick me outta Thailand, I mean.”

“Don’t worry Wil,” said Sorkan reassuringly, “Your name won’t even show up in the report.”

“Jus’ like I says, eh Spanna’? ‘Ee’s tha’ bloody salt, init he?”

I nodded and smiled my hearty agreement.

“Sorkan.”

“Yesss.”

“Something is still bothering me though. How did you know that I was from California that first night I met you? I never told you. Then later, when you introduced me to Lastradisomp, you even told him I was from San Francisco !”

“Well it’s perfectly obvious that if you went to South Churchill High School, you must be from San Francisco.”

“Huh?” I just gaped at him in wide-eyed amazement. “How the hell did you know that?”

He chose his words thoughtfully before speaking. “Sir Author Conan-Doyle once wrote that sometimes clues are so obvious that only the trained eye can recognise them for what they are. You are aware, I believe, that I attended Stanford University in Pao Alto?”

“Yeeaahhh…?” I said, still puzzled.

“Conan-Doyle’s grasp of our profession was truly remarkable. And for that matter, Tiger-Cats is a rather remarkable name, I believe, for a high school baseball team. There is only one team, at least in the bay area, that I know of called the Tiger-Cats. Might only be one anywhere,” he hissed. Then he pointed up at the tussled peak of my ball cap. “It could be said that our entire adventure has been, shall we say, a ‘tip of the hat’ to Conan-Doyle himself.”

“Of course!” My fingers touched the crest of my hat and I chuckled. Lek purred seductively in my ear. “I might…ah…stop by here again later…after our news conference. Do you think you’ll join me, Captain?”

“I thank you, Mr. Spanner, but the fatigue of the last several days has started to catch up to me. Tonight, I believe, I shall finally sleep.”

I guess I couldn’t hide the concern that flashed in my eyes.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Spanner. Thanks to your assistance in unravelling this puzzle, opium will not be necessary tonight.”

                      *                      *

The news conference was exhilarating. I didn’t understand any of the questions that they asked Sorkan, but I did understand enough to see that he was suddenly a national hero. For my part, I smiled and concentrated on not playing with my hat in front of the cameras.

After, I went back to the Parrot and actually drank myself up enough courage to arrange a date with Lek.

And that brings me back to here and now. This is truly an amazing place. Jom Tien beach they call this one. I moved to a hotel down here yesterday. It’s just south of Pattaya and a little quieter. The sand seems to stretch all the way to the horizon from here.

I can see Lek padding her way around the pool, smiling at me all the way. She’s in a little form-fitting white dress that frames her in all her most delicious angles. It might be a glow from the whiskey talkin’, but I think I can just make out the outline of her nipples as she gets nearer. Delicious! She’s carrying a tiny basket of lychees and other strange fruit as well as a bottle of massage oil.

I’m a bit of a mess. I’ve got chilly sauce all over my fingers now, and a sticky trail down the front of my shirt where a prawn went tumbling. I’m not worried though. I’m sure Lek will tidy me up before she starts.