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decrease6 July, 1905 - My Room in the Chao Muang ’s Palace - about noon
When I awoke this morning, the girls had gone. I had slept badly - perhaps because I have never before had a girl on either side of me in bed - or perhaps because of the wooden pillow. But more likely it is the result of my exertions on the altar - ‘altars’ I should say - of Venus (or whatever is the Siamese equivalent).1
That they were women was evidenced by their ample bosoms, but they behaved like two giggling schoolgirls. Neither spoke a syllable of English, though I managed to learn their names: Gai and Gaeo. They began by undressing me, and by the time they had got as far as pulling off my breeches, my manhood was already standing to attention. They marvelled at my size, giggling, gasping, and saying over and over again, “Yai! Yai!”2
Then they washed me - all over - with an intimacy that I have scarcely experienced since I was too young to remember - and then our devotions to the goddess of love began. I have heard that the orientals have treatises in the arts of love - and once glimpsed a forbidden copy of the ‘Kama Sutra’, translated by Capt. Sir Richard Burton. It seems that these harem girls are schooled in such arts, and if my two were anything to go by, they are diligent pupils. Their accomplishments make my dear Mina seem like a first-grader, for though she always receives me with love and tenderness, she knows no other art than to lie modestly on her back with her nightdress carefully arranged to conceal her private parts.
Together, Gai and Gaeo orchestrated a symphony of kisses, strokes, scratches, love bites, love cries and couplings in every imaginable position that drove me to a seventh heaven of ecstasy. And when I had poured my libation of love onto a willing altar, and turned on my side to sleep, they massaged me with scented oils and in no time at all I was ready to make a second sacrifice. Altogether, last night, I made the supreme offering to love’s shrine no less than three times - I tried for a fourth, to make the honours even between the two girls, but there was no more wax to spill from my candle - no wonder I am feeling so completely spent!
I have other feelings too - feelings that are growing upon me as I think over the events of last night - they are feelings of guilt and shame. Yes, I sowed my wild oats as young man - who hasn’t? - but when I married Mina, I made a vow before God that I would “keep only unto her” so long as I live, and for ten years I have kept that vow. Last night, not only did I break it - I enjoyed breaking it. In fact, I enjoyed breaking it so much that I am already yearning for tonight’s revels! Oh, surely God will punish me - a sinner!
6 July, 1905 - Letter to Mina Harker
My Dearest Mina,
How long this letter will take to get to you, I dread to think. However, I know that you and Quincey will be longing for news of me.
The journey here was tedious beyond description. Perhaps one day that remarkable invention of the Wright Brothers - the Flying Machine - will be able to whisk travellers from one country to another on the wings of a bird. But then, why would anyone want to come here where the conveniences of the modern world are so lacking? Yes, they have a half-finished railway, but where is the phonograph, the telephone and the horseless carriage? Last night, the Chao Muang did his best to put on an entertainment for me - but it could not compare to our theatre, opera - or even to our music halls.
I hope to complete my business by tomorrow or Saturday, and then I can begin my journey back - to where my heart is - with you and Quincey in the green and pleasant land of good old England!
Your loving husband,
Jonathan
6 July, 1905 - Letter to Dr Van Helsing, M.D., D.Ph., D.Litt.
Dear Abraham,
I hope your researches are going well and I look forward to hearing about what you have discovered. No doubt you will get another book published on the strength of it, and perhaps even that much-coveted professorship at the University of Utrecht.
I have just had the most astonishing experience of Siamese hospitality - too astonishing to write about here. Suffice it to say that at last I have some experiences to match your anecdotes of your revels in Achterburgwal in your student days! Nay - even to surpass them!
I hope to be on my way back by the end of this week, though my discussions with Minister Rattamontrii suggest that the main problem in concluding the sale of Carfax Abbey is that the Chao Muang cannot accept that the fee simple (to use the legal term) does not include the fee populus (which was abolished in England after the Peasant’ Revolt of 1381). In layman’s terms, purchasing the Abbey Estate, gives him no rights to compel the men to do forced labour, or the women to serve in his harem!
1381! - it just goes to show how uncivilised this country is! Still, if last night was anything to go by, I will be the first to admit that civilisation may not be all that it is cracked up to be!
With friendly regards,
Jonathan
6 July, 1905 - My Room in the Chao Muang ’s Palace - about 2 pm
When I had sealed my two letters, I called for my two maidservants, intending that they should take them to whatever in Chiang Mai serves as a Post Office, or failing that, to arrange that they be taken to Bangkok. However, they were in a distracted state. They were at once very afraid and very upset, and though my request was simple enough, failed to grasp what I wanted. At last Minister Rattamontrii arrived on the scene and, sending the girls away, explained what was troubling them. It seemed that one of the harem girls had been found dead this morning. Death was caused by loss of blood from a wound in her neck. Nor was this the first incident of this kind - two others having taken place since Songkran (a festival in mid-April celebrating the Siamese New Year). Minister Rattamontrii concluded his grim news by informing me that the palace would be in mourning for the next few days, and consequently, there would be no ‘entertainment’. I was saddened at the news - and angry with myself - because, upon self-analysis, I realised that I was saddened more by the loss of my carnal pleasures than by the news of the poor girl’s death.
Minister Rattamontrii bowed his farewell, and promised that he would take care of my letters. He said he would come again on Tuesday, when he hoped that the Chao Muang would be ready to do business.
7 July, 1905 - about 9 pm
I had another lazy day and had neither washed nor dressed, and though there was no point in the latter, since I was to be denied any entertainment that night, I was anxious not to let my standards of cleanliness slip - a thing that could be dangerous in a tropical climate. I asked my maidservants to bring hot water, which, presently, they did, hurrying in and out of the room as though they thought I might be the murderer!
I had propped my shaving glass on a bedside table, and was just beginning to shave, when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, and heard the Chao Muang’s voice saying to me, “Good Evening.”
I started, for it amazed me that I had not seen him, since the reflection of the glass covered the whole room behind me. In starting I had cut myself slightly, but did not notice it at the moment. I was surprised that the Chao Muang should visit me so unexpectedly, and even more so that he should not trouble to knock, but almost to creep up upon me! Then I noticed the cut, and that blood was trickling over my chin. I laid down the razor, turning as I did so half round to look for some sticking plaster. When the Chao Muang saw my face, his eyes blazed with a sort of demoniac fury, and he suddenly made a grab at my throat. I drew away and he suddenly calmed down and said in a stony voice, “Take care how you cut yourself. It is more dangerous than you think in this country!”3
I thought perhaps that he was referring to the impurities in the water that could enter a cut, and felt that his warning was in that case not so untoward. I dabbed away the blood and wiped the shaving soap from my face, then said, “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit from your Royal Highness?”
“I wanted to warn you to take care,” he said, and went on to tell me about the death of the girl. I thanked him and told him that I had already heard the news from Minister Rattamontrii.
“In that case,” he said, “there is only one more thing I can do. Your maidservants will be replaced by two armed guards. They will serve you as loyally as they would me, and what is more important, they will protect you from this evil that roams my palace.”
And with that, he left. A few moments later, I opened my door and peeped outside. Sure enough, the sweet little maids had been replaced by two armoured guards, each wielding a curved sword4. However, they did not add to my sense of security - on the contrary, I felt that, rather than preventing anyone or anything from coming in, they were there to prevent me from going out!
1. Thais are Theravada Buddhists, but also respect some Hindu gods, so the nearest equivalent to Venus would be Shakti, who represents the dynamic principle of feminine power.
2. Yai = ‘big’
3. This description is closely based on a similar scene in ‘Dracula’.
4. Here Jonathan would be referring to the ‘roah’ – traditional Thai armour, and the ‘darb’ – a curved slashing sword.
© Rob 2006
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