ThailandStories.com - Thai Girls, Sex and the Supernatural, Part 3

So what’s ‘Neomancy’? I hear you say. Another name for it is ‘Stars of the Body’. Still no wiser? Well, have you ever been outside on dark night and enjoyed gazing at the heavenly bodies? This is similar: it’s being inside on a dark night and gazing at a different kind of heavenly body. This time, the backdrop is Isaan-brown, and the stars are dark brown - or in other words, moles.

I found out about this unusual form of fortune telling when I was with a young thing from G-Spot in Nana Plaza. While giving her heavenly body the once over (this was early in the evening, so we are only talking about face, cleavage, midriff and legs at this stage) I noticed a tiny mole dead centre between her eyes. When I commented on this, her eyes lit up and she told me that a fortune-teller had told her that it was very lucky, and that she had other moles in other places which she would just love to show me.

I don’t know whether the moles or the places were the most interesting, but she was still talking about her moles and her fortune long after we had finished and I was nodding off to sleep. Next day, I decided to look it up on the Internet. I was not disappointed, because, as you know, this very valuable educational medium is dominated by two things - pornography, and supernatural mumbo-jumbo (which is why I love it so much!)

From my researches, I made a list of the 30 basic mole positions, and jotted down a few notes after each one. This is the basis of ‘The Dumbo’s Guide to Stars of the Body’ which you will find below. Another useful aid is the interactive diagram at http://www.flickr.com/photos/hey-gem/75173087/ though it doesn’t include all the mole positions listed in my Guide.

If you find memorising the mole positions difficult, then you could try a visual aid. A blow up plastic doll is ideal - the standard model will do - you don't need the deluxe model, because you're only going to draw on it (maybe you have one left over from the time before you discovered LOS). With a felt-tipped pen, mark in all the moles on the list, and then keep testing yourself until you get most of them right. If 30 is too many to remember at first, start with the 10 most important ones - which are indicated with an asterisk.

The next step is to practice on yourself. If you don't like what you read, either reform your character - or remind yourself that this is all nonsense anyway.

By now, you should be ready to try Neomancy for real. For this, you'll need a girl who is willing to let you take all her clothes off and examine her all over. No problem in LOS (but don’t think of trying it out on your western girlfriend!) Here's what to do next:

1) Undress (it’s hardly fair to stare at her stark naked when you’ve got all your kit on, now is it?)
2) Gaze (but don’t forget what you’re supposed to be gazing at!)

If your girl comes out with the usual chorus of “I shy”, keep the lights low and start by examining her back. As well as helping her to keep (some) of her modesty, there is another big advantage to this position - she can't see the moles on her back, so you can tell her anything you like! Say something nice about her to build up her confidence, e.g, that she’s suay (beautiful). Then you can turn her over and start reading the moles on her front. Start with her face and work down, stroking each part of her body as you come to it. By the time you get down to her feet she'll be climbing the walls and ready to swing from the chandeliers (or whatever the light-fittings are in that bargain basement dive you call a hotel) - but if she's still feeling kii-aai, or you want to wring out the pleasure to the last drop, massage her with baby oil. There are two reasons for this, a) it makes the fainter moles easier to read, and b) it'll drive you both wild!

Of course, if your girl is the opposite of shy, i.e., if she has moles in positions 15 or 16 (i.e., a nyphomaniac) she'll probably wrap herself around you like a boa constrictor that has not eaten for a week. In that case you have to make a decision: a) give in and bonk, or b) tell her to concentrate, and carry on reading her fortune. The second option is not as stupid as it sounds. By the time you do get round to bonking, she'll be so frantic with lust and frustration (and so slippery with baby oil) that you'll think all your birthdays have come at once!

The Dumbo’s Guide to Stars of the Body

If you can manage to drag your eyes away from all those cheeky bits - this is where to look:

*Forehead: if between the eyes, exceptionally good luck (watch out - she’ll be expecting a lot!)
Nose: danger from water - or is it just a bogie? (that’s booger to our US friends)
*Lips: greedy (for sex - you hope, but more likely for baht!)
Cheek: poverty (and guess who she’s hoping will help her out?)
Mouth: a mole anywhere around the mouth is called ‘the gourmet mole’ (has she got a gourmet gut as well?)
Ear: filial piety (can you give her 10,000 baht to send to mae?)
Chin: dominant personality (you want an afternoon sex session, but you end up in Robinson’s Mall.)
Throat: she's a chatterbox (put something down it to shut her up - cow pat, your tongue - use your imagination!).
Right Breast: lazy - she'll make you do all the work (her favourite position for sex is the ‘missionary’ position (i.e., with you on top).
Left Breast: energetic - she'll do all the work. Her favourite position for sex is the ‘Roman’ position - ‘cowgirl’ to our US friends - (i.e., with her on top).
Right Nipple: she’s a magnet to the guys (how many are sending her money already?)
*Left Nipple: unfaithful (the question is: is she being unfaithful with you or to you?)
Navel: lucky (well, she got you didn’t she - or was that unlucky?)
Abdomen: surgery will be necessary (teerak, it’s only 50,000 for a boob job.)
*Hips: very sexy (= worth barfining)
*Genitals: a nymphomanic (= well worth barfining - but how come you’re looking here before you’ve got her out of the bar?)
Thigh: wounds (her Thai boyfriend does Muay Thai - and he’s watching you!)
Hip: cars pose a danger (everybody who’s ever tried to cross the road at the corner of Sukhumkvit and Soi 4 has a mole here.)
Right Leg: sensitive (she’ll be upset if her tip is less than 4,000.)
*Left Leg: extravagant - (wait till she takes you shopping!)
Ankle: has a sense of humour (but you've probably found this out by now because she's been giggling since you started.)
*Shoulder Blades: inhibited (= starfish - look at her shoulders before you pay bar.)
*Left Armpit: has a guilty secret (it’s usually a husband and kids.)
Right Armpit: gets what she wants (she’s got you already - a Honda Wave is next - and a house in Isaan would be nice)
Elbow: Unlucky (she got you - and you’re kii-neow - a skinflint)
Forearm: She’s broke (all Isaan girls have moles on their forearms - that’s why they thank Buddha for sending them farangs)
*Right Hand: wants to travel (and the only place you've taken her so far is - bed - but start saving up, she’s working on it!)
Left Hand: loves money (so don’t forget that 4,000 baht tip)
*Finger: dishonest (if you think you’ve heard some porky pies tonight, just wait till she’s your regular teerak!)
Butt: likes to get straight to the point (she's probably wondering why you don’t cut the neomancy crap and just get on with it)

Well, that was fun wasn’t it! Because after all, you can’t be at it all the time, can you? Neomancy provides a little light relief for your friend, Richard, in between sessions. Better still, it can also encourage him to stand to attention again all the sooner!

After a few sessions you’ll have those mole positions memorised - then you can donate your blow up plastic doll to one of those I’d-never-pay-for-it kind of guys who call themselves your friends back in Boredomland - and if they ask about the black spots, tell them not to worry - they won’t catch anything!

Thai Girls, Sex and the Supernatural, Part 3

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