Darling? Surprise, I’m back home

It actually could have happened anywhere with anyone (and it probably does every day) but it spices up the story to tell that as a matter of fact it happened in the City of Fallen Angels (Sukhumvit, Krungthep, Bangkok) in the second year that I found my “better place to live” (Krungthep, Thailand).

In 2000 I came to live & work in the Land Of Smiles and as I had been there before I was actually quite quickly involved in some kind of relationship with a peasant girl from Buriram. Of course she was working in the entertainment section of Nana-Tai and she was sweet, fun and sometimes very drunk. I worked sometimes for weeks up-country and my times in Bangkok were always a big party where my sweet little Khmer girl always welcomed me home. It took us a year to settle down and become a couple. She did quit working (of course we still went back to her former workplace) and the apartment building where we were living was full of former colleague’s of hers. But looking through my pink rose-tinted glasses I did not see anything coming.

As normal I returned back home to Europe on a yearly basis, so I also did in 2001. Back home the reality-check woke me up a bit and I started to realize how could I have ever thought that I could have a real relationship with an un-educated, much younger as me, party bargirl? Where would this go to? Nowhere of course! How could I expect her to live the life of me, a “much older” man? I had made up my mind and would end our relationship when I went back. Better for her, and better for me.

But, while planning my flight back to my new home, back to the party life, and back to that sweet lovely smile, other plans submerged. Like a yellow submarine! I had told my sweet Khmer girl that I would arrive Saturday, but as I was bored in my cold & rainy Europe I just changed my flight back to 2 days earlier. I would surprise my sweet little Khmer girl who told me that she was missing me very much; although her answers on the phone were short the past few days.

I still remember the approaching of Don Muang airport. I arrived at 5:30 in the morning and while approaching the airport the sun was rising and I could still see all those thousands of little lights of The Big Mango. Some of these lights represented the place where I had such a good time with my sweet little Khmer girl (and many other girls of course). For the first time I really had the feeling of coming home. I had been on holiday in Europe, and now I was coming home. Because a house is not a home if there is not someone waiting for you. And there was someone waiting for me. My sweet little Khmer girl!

I had a quick baggage claim and went past customs and immigration in a smooth way. I had a big smile on my face, and everybody could see it, even the taxi-driver who drove me over the toll-way back to my apartment at Phra Kanong. It was still early in the morning when I arrived at my apartment building. Some half drunken girls were sitting near the swimming pool and in the elevator I was greeted by one of the girls of Nana-Tai.

I walked to my room, and, as I did not have keys with me, I knocked on the door for my girlfriend to open the door. It did not surprise me to hear some music, coming home at this time of the day was normal for me and for my sweet little Khmer girl also. She opened the door and before I can hug her to say hello the door is closed again, firmly closed; so I tried to open the door but she was holding it. But it does not take me much effort to enter my room and after a few seconds after the initial opening of the door I’m inside. She stands in front of me with a angry and shocked face “Why you come home already?”

Me : “I wanted to surprise you.”

She : “What if I have a man inside?”

Me : Thai or falang?”

She : “Thai.”

Me : “Where?”

And a nearly dressed young Thai boy comes very afraid from the bathroom. Both are afraid that I will give him a free lesson in flying from the 8^th floor. But I just ask him to leave. He is even so polite as to bring my suit-case inside. Then he takes the rest of his clothes and he leaves. There we are; me in bit of a shock, and she, afraid that I will beat her to hell. But at this moment I’m not angry or whatever; I’m sad and just want to hug her, hug my sweet little Khmer girl.

Then the story comes. It’s her ex-boyfriend who just happened to live in the same apartment building (or did he come to live here after she came to live with me?). She was so lonely and needed someone to talk to; someone Thai, as I, as a falang, did not understand her. She had always loved me and did still love me, but not as a boyfriend, but as a sugar-uncle who was always good-hearted to her. Slowly I started to understand the weird in-house calls we had sometimes, and that for a few months she did not kiss me anymore, and her weird moods sometimes of coming home very late and being bloody drunk (or under the influence of other things).

Breaking up is not easy, but it is much easier if you are the one who is breaking up. I wanted her to stay! She left my room to talk with the sister of her boyfriend. My room was emptier than ever and it was not fun at all anymore. She came back in the evening to tell me that she would not stay with me anymore. But of course she left all her cloths and whatever in my room. Later I realized that all in the apartment building must have known what happened. The guard at the entrance gate, the lovely older lady at the reception, the wife of my German friend from upstairs. Nobody warned me, nobody said anything (Now I wouldn’t do that also).

Sad weeks of lonely days & nights followed, interrupted by stupid meetings with her at her work (of course she went back to work again) and with her in the dirty hotel-rooms on Nana-Nua. The easiest customer is your ex-boyfriend, right? Well no way for both of us. And when her boyfriend was arrested she came to the only one who would help her … me. And I did help her. She gave him everything he needed, money, telephone, beer and whiskey. Actually exactly the same as I did with her.

There were days that I was happy that I did not have my guns with me. I had been dreaming of me sitting on the rooftop of the opposite apartment with my IMI Galli sniper and HIM in my vizier. Or her? No HIM. He was the one who took her away from me. Actually it was of course our age and culture difference and the fact that I did everything to fuck-up a relationship. Did I really think she did not know all I did when I was not with her? Sukhumvit road is a village!

There were days & night of listing to sad love songs at very loud volume. But, it is the best way of losing weight. Within 3 weeks I lost 6kg of weight. At the good advice of not such a good friend I was now ready to really finish with her. To her surprise this time I told her that all her cloths and whatever were in big plastic bags and that she had 5 days to pick them up. If not I would put them outside. First she did not believe me, but she came to look and realized that she had to do something. The next day all the memories of her in my room were gone. No more cloths, no more teddy-bears, no more pictures. But the memories in my mind, they were still there (and still are).

A new stage was beginning, a stage of partying with as many girls as possible. Whatever, it was to make me forget all the sad memories. But of course we did meet again, and I could not forget her. Luckily I had my work tours of duty to forget her. As I had a lot of work and would not be home for 2 months I ended the rent of my room and asked her if I could store in her room the few things I had. She was now living in her own room that I actually paid. In between some work tours I came back to Bangkok and we did even stay together again. Her boyfriend had run away again because he thought that she loved me. But I could never win her heart. Like she wisely said, “A good movie is only made once” (indeed I hate sequels). Every night she was looking outside to see if her boyfriend would come back. But he did not of course. Did he have a new girlfriend? Or did his parents put a leash on him? One night she became so angry that she started to burn his cloths that were also in her room. I had a little struggle to prevent to prevent her from burning down the whole building.

The next day I started a new tour of 2 weeks that would end in Pattaya. While on tour I called her almost every day and after a few days I noticed a difference in her voice. Her boyfriend was probably back again. That made me finally make the decision to really end all this shit. And for me the only way to end it was to move out of Bangkok. Out of sight out of heart? So, when I came back to Bangkok I knocked on the door and she was home … and her boyfriend was there also. I had a very heavy conversation with him or actually a monologue from me to him, “You fucking bastard, you do not love her. You only love her money that she makes by working. You are a lazy asshole and I hope you will rot in hell for it.” Strangely enough he did not do anything back. He even helped me bringing all my stuff down. My sweet little Khmer girl was surprised “Where you go?”

Me : “Well, while in Pattaya I rented a house there and I am moving to Pattaya.”

I stopped a taxi and asked him to bring me to Pattaya. The 2-hours taxi-ride seemed to last for days and tears were rolling down my face. I left behind my beloved Bangkok and my beloved sweet little Khmer girl. What had happened?

I checked-in in Pattaya (but will I ever be able to check-out?) and a new party started; but of course out of sight is not out of heart. She called me once in a while and she did even visit me sometimes. But we were becoming friends. I was not angry at her, or him, anymore. Sometimes I did still miss her. Slowly our paths went different ways. Years later I did even meet her again, together with a customer. He even spoke the same language as I do and he knew exactly her and his role. She did look good; she had not changed at all. He even left us for some moments of private chat. It was good to see her and good to finally be able to say, “Goodbye, and take care.” I changed my phone-number to cut the strings forever. Once in a while I still think of her and wonder what has become of her. Would I ever see her again?

Chokdee my little Khmer girl. You have been a hard, but good teacher for me. I hope life will give you all that makes you happy.

Chang Noi

© Chang Noi. All rights reserved by the author.