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Yes I'm a dog grinch as much as I don't like dogs, not as pets that's for sure. Just to set the record on this, I don't go out hunting dog or doing anything malicious, I just don't like them.

A few days ago a medium-sized black dog, possibly a Labrador, showed up to play with the kids in the yard. We have an acre plus and live in a fairly rural area, dirt road, fields, etc, and the local dogs mostly run free. Free range dogs. Haven't seen any that appear to want to bite but they all howl and bark at midnight like wolves. Reminds me of living in Jomtien where the locals had both pets and strays, all of which would go off at 2AM. You could hear a progression from house to house. I did offer a 500 baht bounty for a small particularly loud white one but that's a different story.

Said black dog likes our 3 kids, Thai wife seems to have 'jai on' (soft heart) and insisted I go buy some dog food. She has assumed role as its guardian. It needs one, as I think it's a mentally deranged dog.

Dog slept on the front porch last night and underneath the house the night before. Wife has asked me a few times if it can stay in the house, and can we keep it. Refer to my opening statement. I won't do anything to 'get rid of it' but it sure as hell ain't going to live in or even come in the house. Bad enough she's fed the thing, as it won't leave now.

This evening our older boy asks me to drive him and brothers to the library and we hop in car, they wave bye-bye to the dog. Dog starts barking, starts running in front of the car, keeps jumping at the bumper and front tires as I'm rolling along at about 10mph. You might expect me to relate that it then slipped and got crushed under a tire, but no, not this time. All the way down two dirt roads it kept jumping in front of my car and trying to stop us. It did scratch the paint on the bumper too.

I stopped, got out, petted its head and told it to go back home, anyone's home... please. No. It kept up its stupid stop the car game. The boys were obviously worried what was going to happen from the looks on their faces. Then a break!

Another car coming the other direction caught dog's attention and it took to barking at it instead of us - I floored it! Dog notices and the race is on. I definitely rolled that stop sign and sped off down the asphalt road, black dog galloping in full speed pursuit and boys gawking out the back window.
I won.

Coming back home from the library, we pass a house on the main road and the boys see black dog playing in a yard with some kid and it's distracted enough not to see us. I look in the rear view mirror to check for pursuit and see a small white dog with a black spot starting to run after us. WTF does my car smell like? It gave up a block later.

Home for dinner, older boy and I tell wife what happened and that black dog now seems to be staying at a house on the main road. Wife looks at me like I just killed her dog. Our six yr old boy is mad at me too. While eating dinner, everyone keeps looking out the windows and looks quiet and worried. Six year old boy kicks me in the butt. Dog killer! Papa's fault.

Now look, I didn't drag the dog off - it ran after us. It will come back if it wants, but probably found a new home. I'm sure it will be OK with a new family and they will let it stay in their house at night. Whump - I got kicked again. Sigh.

Wife says I should take her and our older boy to go look for it after we eat. Certain arguments are worth winning, others, it's best abstaining the position. We got in the car and drove over to the house where we last saw black dog. Wife's sure she'll see it laying dead in the road and looks like she's gonna cry.

As luck would have it older boy sees it in the same yard playing with some kid. Wife tells him to get out go walk it back to our home. I start to drive back home and if boy loves dog so much he can walk it back to our house. And, as luck had it, stupid black dog repeated the game of chicken with my front bumper most of the way back home and boy was taking up the rear in full jog.

At home, stupid dog is fed and watered (outside), boys are happy again, and wife looks sooooo relieved.

Five minutes later the dog is still on the porch eating, a white car pulls up in front of the house, a guy calls the dog and it goes running and jumps into his car tail-a-waggin. Wife and kids are standing there with their mouths open dumbstruck, six year old says the guy is going to take it away and kill it. Nine year old reminds us some people eat dogs in Thailand. Well they don't eat dogs in Florida kid, don't worry. Besides, that was obviously its owner and they're both really happy now.

I'm still pondering the moral of this event, or at least looking for a good pun.



Raul Duke



(Raul Duke lived in Thailand for many years and now lives in the USA with his Thai wife and kids. He has some wonderful stories of the 'culture shock' of his family's transition from the Thailand to America.)



© Raul Duke. All rights reserved by the author.