Buddy - The Thai Neighbor in Surin - part 10

Chairman Mao is a fitting nickname. He is the "chair" man.
If you’ve been in enough time, and dealt with Thai people, you will notice some things that strike us farangs as a bit, well, different, from the way we do things in most western countries. Not bad things, just different, and really it’s these differences that I find appealing and interesting, and even, sometimes, plain amusing. I don’t set myself and my customs and my people as being better in any way than the Thai people. Just different. I see myself as a chronologizer of these differences, and try to show the silly ways they can strike a foreigner, and how they affect me and those who visit and live in the country of Thailand when learning the ways of the Thai, and dealing with these differences.

And yes, sometimes these differences can be annoying, frustrating, irritating, and even dangerous to those who haven't a clue, or especially to those of a disposition to be aggressive and insulting, or who have a superior and "colonial" attitude toward the Thais.

The thing is I enjoy learning about these differences, experiencing the oddities, quirks, idiosyncrasies, and customs of another people, even living among them and trying to understand it all, while having sanuk while doing so. It can be fun, and the Thais are usually nothing if not a fun-loving people at most times. I try not to sweat the small shit.

Hey, when it gets that bad, and it never truly has yet for me, I can always leave, be it for forever, or just a while for a break, as can most every other farang who finds himself doing mostly nothing but moaning and groaning, and bitching, and carping about the Thais, Thailand, and the things that they find that drives them a bit batty over time. Unless, of course, they are a farang bird shit (farang kii nok) who hasn't the funds to leave, or are just too stupid to leave, or they just have that certain predisposition for complaining, so that no matter where they are they sit around complaining like a fish-harpy cunt all the time. I've met and seen that type of punter, tourist, and expat before. They drive me nuts, and are not fun to hang around with. Tell you the truth; I avoid these whiners like they have the plague, or a new, yet undiscovered, form of airborne spread aids. Tiring twats to listen to they are. An un-joyous and forever miserable lot. Stay as far away from these guys as you can. Their negativity and misery is catchy I've seen; a transmittable disease that can infect a bar full of punters and expats in the time it takes to drink two or three beers.

I prefer the guys who have a more humorous outlook on these things, and who find the differences appealing and even enchanting to a certain degree. It's not something to take too seriously most of the time.

So, back to "Chaiman Mao" as I call him. Mao is one of the "bosses" of the neighborhood. He's respected and looked up to. He's got some money, and flaunts it a bit, or uses it to his advantage I suppose you could say. He's a nice enough guy I feel, and can be interesting, funny, and entertaining. We practice our respective languages on each other, and share a few brews on occasion. His wife is a nice lady as well, and is an English teacher. Her conversational English is about the best in the neighborhood, behind my wife's and Sis' that is. We chat and practice language whenever we meet, usually in the shop over a bowl of noodles. A pleasant and friendly woman, whose English I can understand for the most part. During my next few months stint in Surin I am going to hire her to teach me to read Thai.

Chairman Mao is the guy that always sits at the head of the table. He always takes the seat of honor, and yes, he always pays the bill too, occasionally slipping money to the older guy (EminEm) who enjoyed killing Viet Cong so much, so as to give him face by having him pay the bill. I've seen this surreptitious banter and passing of the baht a few times. The old guy usually accepts this with just a bit of an argument. It does remind me of the "fight" for the bill or check you sometimes see among farang guys when hanging around having a few drinks and a meal. But, we farang haven't really the "chair of honor" anymore that entails the seated "boss" to pick up the check, and which causes any loss of face if anyone else tries to pick up the tab. I see these guys argue with each other over the check, then ninety percent of the time defer to the "Chairman" when he insists on picking up the bill. It's fun to watch this pecking order arguing over the end of the night's festivities and drinking, especially when the guys are truly three sheets to the wind. It can become quite comical.

Where it doesn't become quite so hilarious is in the situations, usually among family gatherings, but I've encountered it in other gatherings as well, where you, as the lone farang, the debatably "important" guy, the supposedly "rich" guy, are sat at the head of the table and designated the "pay the tab" guest of honor guy. This usually isn't a problem among family, but there is always one "relative" or "friend of the family" that you'll notice takes serious frigging advantage of this when they are "invited" along (usually it's more of a "they've invited themselves along" type of deal) with your Thai friends and/or family. You'll see these suckers ordering the most expensive drinks and foods, grinning like the monkeys that they are, as though you are too foolish, or rich, to care that they are taking advantage. And this seems, to me at least, to happen far more often when a farang is seated in the "big face" chair, rather than a fellow Some truly do seem to believe we farang either have too much money than is good for us, or that we are just plain too stupid to speak up or care. My wife takes care of these situations when they arise, usually by doing all the ordering of drinks and foods herself, and/or by running the requests by me first for my approval. I'll usually tell her in advance how much I intend to spend on a party or gathering, and she keeps the bill in this range of painlessness for my pocket and wallet, slapping down the miscreants who try to take advantage or go overboard in their excitement of having someone else footing the bill. She knows I am not rich, hate being taken advantage of, (as she herself hates this also) and has explained to these arseholes that, no, farang do not shit out U.S. dollar bills every time they take a dump in the hong nam, as some Thais, especially poor village Thais, seem to feel is the case. There are a few people that I've told my wife before about that are not wanted, nor invited anymore, to ANY of my parties or gatherings. They abused their rights to any future good times at my expense, so much so that it attracted my attention and displeasure. (A couple of nieces and nephews these were, and their boyfriends / girlfriends / husbands / wives that leeched along a couple times. The younger Thais seem to be the worst for this crap I've found. A lack of respect for others it seems, or maybe just a lack of respect for the farangs, or plain greedy stupidity.)

The best way to avoid this stuff is to tell your lady or wife ahead of time exactly how much you are willing to spend on a gathering of this sort where you'll be footing the bill, and even to tell her who you want invited, and who not to invite even, letting her help you in the list of invitees, just so there are no problems with lost face for her in the invitations of guests to your "bash" or party, or evening out sometimes. It's truly amazing how a party can grow with leeches and hangers-on once it is let slip you are springing for a meal or a party. There are big ears everywhere! At my village wedding we even had "bouncers" to keep the uninvited "guests" out from the reception and festivities in our outdoor wedding party. It was a necessary thing too, as many of the drunken village leeches showed their faces and tried to "crash" the party for free booze. Worked out well actually.

These problems don't manifest themselves at the shop though in Surin. It's our 'shop'. The neighbors coming there are buying their own booze and victuals and stuff. I occasionally spring for a round of beers for the guys and gals if I am invited to sit and chat with them, something I don't always accept to do, as I am busy myself, and can't spend all my time partying with the neighborhood boozers. Chairman Mao is cool though, as he will almost always send me a beer even if I am just working around the shop while the neighbors are sitting about chatting and drinking their Leo Beers. He asks though first if I'd like a brew. (It's known I prefer the stronger Beer Chang over the Beer Leo as well, and I am usually sent a Chang, if I accept to drink one. I don't always. No problem refusing this either. Just a quick explanation that I have stuff to do will usually suffice.) I usually will come out to play just before closing time (8 p.m.) and relax over a beer or two, or share some soda water and brandy with my good friend and neighbor Dee.

Dee is the best guy in the neighborhood, and we've become very friendly and hang out quite a bit. I'll explain this relationship/friendship with a Thai next in part 11.

(To be continued)

Cent
(The Central Scrutinizer)