Buffalo Eggs

Here are a few expressions that I have recently learned which have opened my eyes a little. There are also some that I have known for a long time.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Well it all depends what you’re talking about; if you are talking about the Thai alphabet, it’s the chicken that comes first [gaw-gai is the first consonant in the Thai alphabet and it’s the “G” letter that starts the word “gai”, which means “chicken”]. However, if you are talking about eggs, the egg comes first – the second consonant of the Thai alphabet is “kaw-kai”, and that’s the “K” letter that starts the word “kai”, which means “egg”. When talking about eggs, one must specify the species that spawned the egg, as in “kai-gai” for the egg of a chicken, “kai-bpet” for a duck’s egg, or “kai-jora-ke” for the egg of a crocodile. I believe that this convention can be applied across the range of egg-laying animals. As you can see from these three examples, the egg comes first.  If you walk around any town in Thailand, you will see "kai ya" to announce the whereabouts of a pharmacy.  This uses a different tone to that used for the egg word, and it literally means "sell[ing] medicine".

The “kai-gai” expression can also be used in a less common manner [or should I say: in a more common manner?]. A man may use this term to refer to his reproductive glands in a manner that might make his mother blush. That’s right, they also call ‘em “eggs” in Thai.

If you want the correct term for the male equipment, it is “alueng” which is the polite, proper name for that part of the male anatomy.

One expression that the long-haired dictionary tells me about, which is used to refer to the male genitalia is “ga-daw”, and she tells me that it is definitely not polite. “Hum” is another one, but you might be able to use that one in bars; “hum yai” = big dick, “hum kairng” =hard dick. Don’t use it at work!

And now for a talk about buffaloes. When I retired in January 1998, I spent some six weeks in Australia tying up loose ends, then returned to Thailand, and lived in Khon Kaen province until mid 1999. While living there, I travelled to Bangkok every three months to get an extension on my Thai visa and a visa for Laos. Four weeks later, I would be in Vientiane applying for a new Thai visa. Each time I visited Bangkok, I would visit my former place of employment, and the local staff would ask me whether I was learning Lao. My standard reply was that I was not learning Lao, I couldn’t get past the buffalo word, and they would have a giggle about that. But why?

The term for “buffalo” in Thai is “kwai”
The term for “buffalo” in Lao is “kuay”
An impolite term for the male organ in Thai is “kuay”
That’s right; a Lao buffalo is a Thai prick.

And for anyone who believes that the River Kwai is the “Buffalo River”, let me clear up that misconception; the buffalo word is spelled, in Thai, [kaw-kwai, waw-waeng, sara aah, yaw-yuk] and the river name-word is spelled [sara air, kaw-kwai, waw-waeng]. If you use the current transliteration convention, the river name would be spelled, in English, “kwae”, and it means “tributary”. While I am spelling, the Lao buffalo is spelled, in Thai, [kaw-kwai, waw-waeng, yaw-yuk].

Finally, a quick word on Harry Potter.  I suspect that J.K.Rowling has used a few details for her stories from Thai.  The romantic interest in book 5 is Cho Chang Which is one way of representing the 10th letter of the Thai alphabet [I personally use "chaw-chang"], and Voldemort's serpent is called "Nagini", which looks good next to the Thai expression "Naga", the Great Snake.

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