Living with a Thai Girl – 8 a.m. on a Cold Sunday Morning in Bangkok

It’s a cold morning today, we sit outside in the sun and eat Lasagne for breakfast, and slowly warm up.

DarLek and the kids complain of the cold and the niece is hiding under her doofa. The niece has a tough day tomorrow, 16 and having braces fitted at 3.30pm. Good news is I won’t have to buy a cake!

So I am sitting quietly, thinking who is going to make my second cappuccino, seeing as the maid has gone for the day, when I hear strange noises. VERY strange noises.

Now as you may know we live in a quiet, small, but lively soi. The Street Movies were fun, but this is a new sound, never heard before at 8am on a Sunday. It’s the sound of a BLOODY AWFUL MARCHING BAND!

And I mean REALLY AWFUL!

My wife yells out from the balcony, and I walk out onto the soi and peer up and down and see in the distance, ok, 50 metres away, small people dressed in outrageous clothing and playing loud awful music.

Admittedly the procession, some 75 metres long, is led by three very pretty girls, but the noise can only be attributed to the odd selection of musical instruments, including one bizarre device that would make Kenny G sound even worse than he already does.

It looks like a mini piano keyboard with a breathing tube attached. I wasn’t too sure whether it was playing sound into the fat kid or if the fat kid was blowing into it.

The costumes, some nice, some bizarre, and all in all, it was an odd way to start the day. Now having grown up in a few places, but mostly Aus, why are Asians obsessed with dressing their little girls like toilet dollies? I don’t know if you know what a toilet dolly is, but imagine a Barbie doll with a Scarlet O’Hara dress that covers the spare toilet paper on top of the dunny (toilet).

I can’t quite imagine WHY you'd hide the spare toiletpaper roll, the first one is there in it’s naked glory waiting to be wiped on someone’s grannies arse. Ahhh, why a grannies arse, coz that’s where we Australians hide these awful dolls.

Now the little girls in the parade today are dressed the same, and I can only imagine why.

“Mummy, can I dress like that beautiful doll we saw in the old ladies toilet in Australia?”

"Of course darling, what a delightful idea. I wonder why that lady kept a doll in the toilet?"

And of course then there is the makeup.

“Mummy, can I wear make-up like the old lady we saw in (add which local horrifies you the most here) Gold Coast? Las Vegas/ Florida Disney World?"

"But of course darling, today you are marching through a deserted back street of Bangkok , only the best fashion for my daughter. Shocking Blue Eye Shadow, Pink Blush over the rest of the face, and green glitter.

There you have it, a fashion parade accompanying the world's worst music!

Oh – What where they celebrating you wonder, why, it's the annual procession from the local music school.

Jimmie Blonde

© Jimmie Blonde. All rights reserved by the author.