Living with a Thai Girl - Bridge Over the River Kwai

I wonder if any of the poor buggers working the train line knew the river was called after a beast of burden?

Chanchanaburi is a very pretty area, this was our second visit, the first in our own car :) and as usual we loved the area.

Being a long weekend we left Saturday morning. Not having maps but a excellent sense of direction, I found the city, but not by going the highway, rather the low way.

The trip there was pretty good as we went past Ladlumgow, an area I work in, then eventually on to the river. How ever the area has been flooding a lot lately and the scene was very interesting, but most interesting was a MOTHER FUCKING HUGE BUDDHA that slowly appeared on the right.

At first I couldn’t believe it, we are on a small back road and here is this HUGE MOTHER FUCKING BUDDHA standing upright.

So we drove into what was one of the best things I have ever done in Thailand (apart from the two sisters from 5 Star).

Have a look at the photo’s, on the way in is an army of Buddhas, average size 6 foot sitting! Some double that, and behind them, the General! Standing I have no idea how tall, but on wide angle it still took two frames to get it all in, sadly the sun was behind the Buddha, but have a look at the size of this beast!

NOW you say, that’s cool, but it ain’t, NO SIR, there is something’s FAR MORE COOLER!

Like what you ask,

Well,

Like 7 balls of the word covered in gold.

NAH BORING (I thought it was cool).

OK – How about some 'BUDDHA PORN!'

Yes, pornographic, 3d, 20 meters tall porno statues in a Buddha theme park! You know, you’ll never see something like this in Vatican City or Salt Lake, and Disney land is sad compared to this hallucinogenic wonderland.

Devils worshipping Buddha, Naked women getting their tongues cut out, wild sex scenes, people being thrown into vats of burning hell!

It was COOOOL! And it was better than Cowboy (Also it was Buddha Hell where everyone who goes to Cowboy also ends up in Buddha Hell)

And so, leaving the highlight of the trip over and done with in the first 1 ½ of travel, we moved on to the river Kwai.

I think the name of the place we stayed was Pong Ping Guest House, what ever, the Chalet was 1000 baht a night, room with two mattresses and a fan was 180 baht a night.

So – With myself, DarLek and kids in the room with Air Con and a luxury view, we wondered how the maid and niece were fairing in the “cell” downstairs, but soon forgot them.

Hours later we ventured out for a wiz around town, lunch under the bridge, the best value food I have found in Thailand on a huge floating raft, in clear water, 4 adults and 2 rodents (the kids, not the food) had a huge seafood feast for 850 baht!

A little shopping and then back to the hotel, for afternoon drinks as the sun set.

Dinner at the hotel, followed by bicycle hiring and wife and niece and I found a bar that let us play pool for free and drink for hours.

Swerving home, a damn good day.

Sunday was up and early, and off to the monkey school.

DON’T GO THERE.

Now I often claim with due pride how I get charged the same rates as the Thais at National Parks, well, let me tell you I continued that record but with sadly a down side.

We sent the niece, not a demur girl, off to buy tickets. She comes back, hands over a few satang of change and tells us it was 200 baht each.

EACH

Yes each. Smart girl knowing I hate to pay more than Thais she said she, wife, and me all paid same amount of money.

OK I think and we walk into a really crappy show.

It ends soon after, that’s it! BORING.

On leaving I notice a Thai entering, and paying 20 BAHT!!!

WHAT, turns out the new scam is if Thais are with a Farang CHARGE THEM ALL FARANG $

FUCK ME THAILAND

So off we went to a temple nearby that was a POW camp and had an underground cave.

VERY interesting place, except Jing-Joe suddenly decided she didn’t like where Dwarfs lived and wanted to go back up top. So we went upstairs.

Then a quick trip to the look-out within the temple grounds, and back to hotel for lunch.

Following lunch we went to the Railway Museum. Now I have written before about the other museum beside the Bridge, a bizarre affair with real bones, and a floor devoted to Miss Thailand entrants.

This one was a more serious and somber affair beside the main cemetery. I had trouble explaining it all to the DarLek and Jing-Joe, but I did the best I could,

On leaving Jing-Joe was very upset, the hospital recreation in particular fascinated and interested her. She demanded to see where the “Dead People” were now, i.e. the cemetery, but frankly I wasn’t up to it! Dar wanted to buy a book about “This war” as she had no idea about it, but none sadly in Thai!

So the rest of the day passed pleasantly, with numerous interjections from Jing-Joe asking questions about the “Bad People”.

We went down to the bar again and played more pool, and went to bed again.

So Monday morning comes, and we head back to Bangkok, but not before taking the niece and maid to the Railway museum. I felt they needed to get a bit of education, and also I was up to visiting the cemetery.

Jing-Joe and the Niece and I walked around the cemetery. At last I could tell Jing-Joe where the dead people were.

As I walked I read aloud to myself the names of those who died. I stopped, but then Jing-Joe and the niece both asked me to continue, seemed very poignant, but they, the dead, deserved to have their names heard again I felt, and oddly my niece and daughter felt the same.

I also started to read out the ages, 23, 27, 28 43, 32, 24, 25,

It was a interesting and sad experience, we found the Aussie section, walk in and it’s on your left, I had been to the Brits and Dutch section first.

Again the same recitation, name and age, a small thought for these sad men.

We walked from there to the museum, Jing-Joe burst into tears this time, being nearly 5 it’s probably a bit much, but the niece and maid stayed for a long time while we waited in the car.

When they came out the wife quizzed the niece at length on her thoughts. It turns out, even she has never heard of this war or the incredible cruelty by the Japanese.

I then found a book beside the car in Thai, which the wife spent the trip back to Bangkok reading.

A great area, beautiful, and well worth the visit.

Jimmie Blonde

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