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OK - easy answer to the usual question.
Girl: "Hungry."
Male: "Go eat something."
But transfer this to a family weekend outing in Pattaya with a mix of farangs and Thais and you have something a tad different!
My wife, the lovely Darlek, her niece, Boom (God help her if she ever comes to Australia with us!), and the Boy Katoey (See previous stories about the youngest katoey in Thailand), as well as the baby, Jing-Joe, and a mate's daughter all descended on Pattaya - DURING A DRY SEASON.
I am not talking weather here ? rather, no BEER. But never mind that.
After going to a buffet dinner the 'tribe' was hungry.
When I was a boy, and my parents wanted time alone, they said things like, "We are off to see a man about a dog."
This usually brought great hope to me, even though I already had one dog (Ankahli), I wanted another to go on adventures with. My parents were not dumb!
In my new 'tribe' we say to Jing-Joe, the only person who cares if someone is missing, "By hong nam" (Gone to the dunny.)
SOOO.
10:30pm Saturday night, the tribe, led by my wife DarLek, decide they need to escape the hotel room for more food.
One by one, they sneak away.
Jing-Joe, the little princess, a bit slow on the missing members of the room, finally triggers to the missing bodies.
"Pee Boom tinai?" ? Boom is older revered sister, even though she is a cousin, "Boom is where?"
Dad: "Hong Nam." (In the dunny little princess.)
Jing-Joe: "Pee Bang tinai?" ("Bang, elder revered brother, who is so cute I called him handsome, is where daddy who is handsome but not as handsome as Pee Bang?" - ok, another story there that needs to be told.)
Dad: "Hong Nam." (In the dunny little princess who must have bad eyesight if you think Bang is more handsome than me! Why just tonight walking down walking street didn't you hear?)
Jing-Joe: "Mummy tinai?" ("Where is the slack woman now that isn't bringing you beer now?") Yes I know - these are my translations - you do your own!
Daddy: "Hong Nam." (Slack piece of female-hood who dares to have PMS while on a family vacation and refuses to buy me beer is in the dunny little princess - see above for translation discrepancies.)
Jing-Joe: Who now looks into an empty toilet, "Hong nam mai sabai, Daddy?"
("Doesn't our dunny work daddy?")
Smart kid!
Anyway, the tribe had decided to go 'hunting'. What else do you do in Pattaya at 10:30 at night if you're hungry, call room service? NO - too easy!
GO HUNTING!
So my tribe of darlings, headed by the head hunter herself, DarLek, went in search for crabs.
I know this, not because numerous people had their pubic hair combed for lice (that was the night before), but rather the DarLek said to me, "Nam tinai?" ("Where did the water go?")
Me: "It's called a tide love, comes and goes according to the moon, that big round thing in the sky, and the water comes and goes."
DarLek: "So, if no water, I CAN HUNT CRAB?"
Me: "Yes, love." (Not thinking anything of her comment.)
And off they went, hunting crab. Much more fun than room service!
Did they catch anything?
Well, that's another even longer story.
Jimmie Blonde
© Jimmie Blonde. All rights reserved by the author.
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