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My wife DarLek loves her bicycle. It cost 1000 Baht from the Big C superstore, and we have two, one for her and one for me. As Bangkok is very flat, and we live on the edge of town, away from the traffic, it is an easy way to get around.
"Better than walking!" as DarLek always says. However, if you are thinking of doing the same always carry a big stick.
There are packs of stray dogs living in the area. On the first day I went out by myself. DarLek said going on a bicycle at 2pm in the afternoon was for mad men. "Or Englishmen." I said in reply. However early 20th century English novels or quotations is not her strong point and she just looked at me like I was a mad man. So I went out by myself.
Of course I would have to discover a pack of dogs living behind a restaurant that had developed a taste for Farangs (foreigners).
One thing that really annoys me is badly trained dogs (or Thai girls), and mistreated dogs. Having lived with a Vet for a long time I learned most dogs are cowards if you have a big stick. So I got off my bike, picked up a big stick and run towards the leader of the pack, shouting in my limited Thai "Mai doo pom!" (Don?t look at me!) "Mai pood gup pom." (Don?t talk with me.)
The leader fled, and the rest followed. The poor dogs ran for their lives. Upsetting the afternoon siesta, the local Thais stared in amazement as a crazy Farang talked with the dogs and chased them, instead of providing entertainment and being chased by the dogs.
I was not content however, so I went home and got DarLek to come with me to the local restaurant. Thinking as always of her stomach, she eagerly agreed. However, I introduced her to the dogs instead. "Anee Paliar Khon Pom." ("This is my wife (I hope I am saying)." I yelled. The dogs seeing me return, ran cowering under cars trying to evade any new conversations with the crazy farang.
Not deterred, I chased them from under the cars, all the time yelling, "Mai Pood gup Paliar khon pom." (Don?t talk with my wife.) and "Mai doo Paliar khon pom." (Don?t look at my wife.)
By now the locals where in hysterics, and DarLek was shaking her head in shame at the crazy farang she married. She is wondering if we will ever get around to eating mid-afternoon lunch, apart from the dogs she likes the restaurant I have chosen to embarrass her in front of.
Wisely she tells me, "Khun Ma gup Pom kitwar Sarmee dink donk". ("Mr Dog and I both think my husband is nuts.") The locals all agreed, and the dogs stayed under the cars, and run there now whenever I bicycle past. DarLek had her 3rd lunch for the day, and I went on my way bicycling around Muang Kong Thani.
Jimmie Blonde
© Jimmie Blonde. All rights reserved by the author.
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