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decreaseWell this day they decided on a certain shop that sells a certain noodle soup, which they seemed to decide was what they were in the mood for. The place is really just a four posted, thatch roofed, outdoor picnic area, but today the shop was open, and it was the right time of the day I was informed to go there.and eat. It's weird, but some of these places are only open on certain days, and only for a few hours then. Sometimes we'll drive a half hour or more to go to a certain village, on a certain day, on certain hours, to have the one special dish the place in question will be serving. So we climbed in the truck and went to eat.
I had never been to this certain food shop before. I didn't really know what the heck the food was that they were telling me was so damned delicious. At times like these it's best to just shake your head yes and go with the flow. It's always an experience, whether you end up liking the food or not. The only thing I insist on is the places have some sort of cold beer available, or at least a shop nearby where we can get some. This is never a problem in the villages it seems. There is beer sold everywhere! Sometimes the Thais have their priorities straight.
We pulled up where my lady's Sis told us to. There was a house, not a very nice house either, an old ramshackle wood thing on stilts, and a thatch roofed four post place out front, with a couple of rickety wooden tables and the ubiquitous plastic stools where she told me to park. Piling out of the truck we grabbed a stool each and planted our asses at one of the wooden wobbly split bamboo tables. An old man, and an older looking lady, came out of the house and started talking to my lady and her sister. They asked me what I wanted. Of course I said, "Beer!" My lady asked me what I wanted to eat, after making sure I had my beer, and pouring it in the glass for me herself. Ya gotta love these Thai ladies don't ya? I love it when my woman pours my beer for me. I told her I'd try whatever the specialty of the house was.
"Huh?" she said.
"Same same you eat, darling." I explained.
This brought a smile to her face. They love to see farang eat what they eat. Makes 'em happy for some reason.
While sipping my beer my attention was brought to the decor. Hanging from two of the wooden posts, which supported the thatch roof, were two posters, one on each post. Both of the posters were of gorgeous, naked, posing, Thai models. Interesting decor! I ogled for a while until my lady kicked me under the table. I turned my attention elsewhere, which was less painful.
Now this establishment sits on a dirt road, which is off some other dirt road, which is off the main road. It's in our village. My attention is drawn to a bunch of guys, late teens really, sitting about on a wooden platform on the side of the dusty, dirt road across from us. They were playing around with each other, doing some rough-house boxing, and slapping each other and giggling. Most had a beer near them, which they'd suck on occasionally. I seemed to be a topic of interest. I ignored their stares.
I ask my lady's sis what these fellas do for work. She laughs and looks at me as though I'm nuts.
"Not work." she says.
"Why?" I say back, just to keep the conversation flowing.
"Mama give money." she elaborates.
Eloquently, I pose another question, "Why?"
The floodgates open, I can tell she's thought long and hard on the subject. "Mama give boy baht (money). Buy beer. Buy whiskey. Boy no work." she states in a disgusted voice.
Changing tactics I ask, "What for?"
"Don't know what for. All Mama just do." she sighs.
I tire of this verbal jousting, and hit her arm with my open hand, jokingly of course. "I'll have another beer please." I say. The old lady cracks me a fresh one and my lass pours my glass full. While she's doing this I sneak a glance over at the prettiest of the two poster girls. Damn, she is cute!
I grab my, now full, glass and slurp down at least half the beer. The boys goof around noisily some more, distracting me from whatever thoughts were noodling about in my wandering noggin. I wipe some sweat from my brow and play with the moisture rings my beer glass has left on the table. I start again, for some reason falling into my Thainglish Tonto speak, which I hate doing, but it does become a nasty habit if one doesn't watch oneself.
"I don't understand why Thai ladies give baht to the boys for beer and whiskey. Why aren't they working? Why do their mothers spoil them like this? Why don't they tell the boys to go find work to do if they want baht for beer and whiskey? In the U.S. we call these boys Mama's boys. They are not men, they are boys. Only boys expect Momma to give them money without working for it. Why Thai ladies do this? Why Thai ladies think Mangda okay? Why Thai Mama treat boys like this. I think no good, mi dee (no good) for boys, mi dee for Mama. Why Mama do?"
Looking a bit stunned by this softly spoken tirade by me, she closes her eyes and shakes her head slowly, her brow furrowed with a frown, as if she's trying to come up with an answer for all my questions. Opening her eyes, and raising her face, she looks at me square on, and shaking her head, sadly says, "Don't know why. Me think same same you, mi dee. Mama just do. Up to she."
I frown and sip some more beer. The old lady brings the food and places a bowl in front of each of us. My lady starts preparing my dish with a flurry of efficient condiment mixing. I watch while she puts the chilies on, just in case she forgets herself and thinks it's for her own tastes. The sun was piercing a shaft of liquid fire through a small hole in the thatch, which was burning a section of my right forearm to a crisp. I moved my plastic stool in the dirt and got out of the line of fire. Reaching down, I vigorously scratched a few fresh mosquito bites on my ankles.
I look at Sis and mutter. "Well I think mi dee. Same. Don't know why Mama do. There's nothin' worse than a Mama's boy you know. Can I have another beer please?"
The food was good.
The end.
Cent
(The Central Scrutinizer)
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