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Part 1

As you can see by the extended title this story is about driving in Thailand.

--WARNING-- What you are about to read is not for the faint hearted. Don't try to replicate these stunts unless you are a professionally trained American drunk driver with at least 30 years of training. If you have heart problems, a pace maker, hemorrhoids, bad night vision, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, diabetes, bladder problems, or a short temper when driving on roads with small Asiatic mental patients who seem bent on suicide and drive like they are being chased by all the demons of hell DO NOT attempt to recreate these actions!


Well, to start off I had been in Thailand for about 3 weeks. I had spent time in Bangkok, Phuket, Pattaya, Chiang Mai and now was finally in Surin. (Or Sue Lynn as my lady claims it is called.) I checked into the Thong Tarin hotel after an exciting (not) 8 hour mini-van ride from Pattaya, which I had sworn I would never do again, but extenuating circumstances put this out of my control at this time.

Now, my lady lives in a village about an hour's drive from Surin. There are no taxis in Surin. What to do? Heeeeyyy, just rent a truck or mini-van from the hotel front desk! No problem! So for 1,000 baht a day (At the time about twenty bucks a day.) I rented some guys personal vehicle for a week. A 1996 Toyota, Mighty X, extended cab pick-up truck with all the trimmings. A hundred flower wreaths hanging from the rear view mirror, Buddha voodoo writings on the ceiling over my head, and 15 talisman thingies glued to the dash board for good luck too! Also thrown in were 5 cassette tapes of Lao music. What more can you ask for in personal safety and entertainment, huh? How about airbags and a frigging steering column on the left (right) side of the vehicle? Yeah, that's right, some guys personal truck. They have a deal with the hotel to rent their autos to people in need of wheels. No money down, no credit card, no showing a driver's license, no extra insurance, shit, hardly even any freaking gas in the damn truck!

Okay, no problem. I can do this. By the way, most of the vehicles use diesel fuel, and it is cheap. 300 baht fills the tank from almost empty and lasts 2 or 3 days of driving, unless you tour the countryside extensively as I did. I don't know about you other people reading this but I'm from New England. There are a lot of Orientals were I live. (Mostly Cambodians, Viets and Lao.) In the U.S. the oriental driver is notoriously known as a slow, careful, and basically a pain in the ass type of driver, at least according to some of us non-oriental drivers. Maybe it is the shock of the cost of auto insurance that does this to them. I don't know. But, something changes them from the total goddamned maniacal drivers they are in their home country into the little old lady drivers we've come to abhor and despise in the states! Yeah, it's gotta be the money. Most Thai guys I encountered on the roads of Thailand drive like a cross between Evel Kinevels (sic?) evil twin brother and Mario Andretti! They'll pass you on the crest of a hill. They'll pass you on a blind curve. They'll pass you with a Mac truck bearing down on them with lights flashing and inches to spare! They are totally frigging nuts! And this is in the parking lot. WOW! Insanity. These guys are crazy man!

So I get the truck and park it in front of the hotel and hit the sack for the night. I need my rest for an early morning pole position start in the Thailand Grand Prix. The next day my lady and I jump into the pick-up and head for the village. Happy village it's called. Sabai village. Well, it's not too bad of a start. The weather was a bit cloudy and rainy for most of my stay this trip with only a few major cloud bursts per day.