The Mother-In-Laws Birthday.

The Mother-In-Laws Birthday.

Actually I’m not 100% sure it was her birthday, neither is she all she knows she was born in January and really doesn’t have a clue of the date or year she was born. She thinks she’s 70 or maybe 71-72 or 73, no idea what so ever but anyway she “felt” it was her birthday.

I do actually like the old crone, so after a bit of a discussion with the wife about what we can get her for her birthday, the general consensus was to go to a nice posh restaurant and take half the tribe with us.

As normal, the food order was controlled by the Thais along with the mandatory bottles of whisky etc. After a short while plates and plates of all sorts of Issan specialties were bought to the table and they just kept coming and coming. After about an hour or so the waiting staff cleared the plates away then came back then placed clean plates around to all of us again. That’s when I saw it, an exquisite suckling pig, roasted crisp brown rested in the centre of a silver salver surrounded by host of carved vegetable decorations, it looked fantastic, a true work of art just like you see in the movies when a scene shows a banquet from medieval times. Unable to look away, I watched in rapt consternation as the two waiters set the little beast in the centre of the table.

That’s when the “native” in my Mother-In-Law came through. As soon as the waiters made off, she rolled up her sleeves and then her long arms shot out towards the thing. After a few seconds of throttling tearing and wrenching, she had torn the little fellow's entire head off and set about devouring its face with an abandon normally reserved for animals in Stephen King novels.

With her teeth that resemble the Yellow Brick Road, it truly was a sight to behold; seeing her trying to devour the pigs head with all the juices running, well let’s just say it was less than inviting to say the least. I swear, when she eats she could win the worlds Gurning Championship, in fact her whole face looks like she came from an egg that was impregnated by seven different sub-species of ape.

Bless her, she has a heart of gold, a truly nice lady; unfortunately she never went to school let alone a school of etiquette. So please take this advice from me, if you ever invite an Issan dwelling tribe to a “posh” restaurant, it may not be the best judgement you have ever made!!!!.

CF