The Two Hundred Baht Fashion Show

After all these years living in the Kingdom I am still surprised by how much fun you can load into a single night out here in the LOS. It matters not whether you are in Pattaya, Bangkok or Phuket, this country is still the place where the good times roll. February is high season, or should that be open season? Whatever season it is, it was all beer and skittles season by the sea for me, last weekend.

Today, I can’t get a vision out of my mind. I don’t think it was a dream because I still had lipstick on my shorts. I had to throw them in the bin before I got home. Thailand, the place where you don’t get lipstick on your collar, you get it on your shorts. Amazing.

I should have been going home really but I was in the vicinity ostensibly on business. I just couldn’t help myself, Your Honour.

We’ll pick up the story at about ten o’clock in the evening. I was already on the outside of a fair few bottles of Heineken. I had a business meeting with a contact in a bar in Banchang in the afternoon. When that was finished, I headed for Pattaya.
First off, I needed a change of attire. I’ve done this before, so I knew the drill. A cheap pair of flip-flops, a pair of shorts and one of those Singha Beer vest things replaced my workday business shirt, long trousers and black shoes. Total price, four hundred and fifty baht. I think he saw me coming.
After a quick change in the back of a bar on Second Road, I looked the part. I looked like I was on holiday and couldn’t possibly be taken for a local. I reckon the girls prefer tourists. They don’t like you to know too much you know.

I dumped my day clothes in the boot of the car and headed off in the direction of Walking Street. I had that ‘Yee-Haa’ feeling that you get when a Pattaya evening lays itself out in front of you.

I stopped at a fairly busy open air bar-beer that had a band playing music that I recognized. It also seemed to have more than its quota of good looking girls. I scanned the bar for one of its best and my undisguised leer came to rest on a long legged beauty in her mid twenties. She read my intent faultlessly and came over and sat down next to me. She introduced herself as Ann and we glided effortlessly into a conversation which picked up momentum very quickly. After a few minutes we had a light and breezy conversation going which some of the other girls around were also contributing to. Anybody would have thought we were all old friends. If any of these girls thought that I was a complete tosser I would never have known.

So, there we were sharing a laugh and a joke, drinking a bit and playing pool when along came one of those street vendors selling sexy dresses to the bar girls. She had a half dozen or so racy little garments hanging over her shoulder. They were the backless type with plunging fronts and slits up the sides. The girls around my table swooped on her and were soon holding these skimpy outfits against themselves and discussing the length (or lack of), the colours and which ones were ‘soo-ay’ and which ones were sexy.

Ann was holding a little red number up against herself which resembled a handkerchief with holes in it. I suggested she try it on but without the jeans and tee-shirt she was already wearing. She scampered off to the ladies to change. If I had been harbouring any doubts at all that Ann was not one of the best looking girls on Walking Street those doubts evaporated when she came back out in the little red dress. When she twirled around in front of me and did a little wai I momentarily felt short of breath, I kid you not.

Some of the other girls got into the spirit of things too and within a few minutes there were four or five bar girls strutting around the bar in these little dresses showing off like only Thai bargirls can. I’m sure they were hoping that I would treat them all but hey, I’m not Santa Claus after all.
However, I simply could not resist buying the little red dress for Ann and she positively squealed with delight when I handed over the two hundred baht to the street vendor. I even forgot to haggle.

Having been responsible for getting Ann into this little red dress my attention then began to turn to how and where I was going to get her out of it again.

She was great and agreed enthusiastically with just about every suggestion I made. The little red dress looked great on her but it looked even better on the bedroom floor.

Union Hill

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