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The Amazing Ball Bag Guy!!



I spent a month at the Chateau Dale Condominium Complex in Jomtien Beach Thailand in July '98. This place has a great swimming pool area where my friend and I spent much time tanning and relaxing around the pool.

Well, one day I was broiling myself by the pool having a beer and taking an occasional dip when I spotted a newcomer walking toward the pool. He was a fairly big guy, about 6' 1" or 6' 2" and about 250 pounds. He was bare chested with a towel wrapped around his waist and wearing a cheap pair of tongs on his feet. His hair was black and medium long-ish and he had a large sharp nose which made him look a bit like a bird of prey. He walked over to the side of the pool opposite me and with his back to me took off his towel and draped it over a lounge chair.

I noticed he had on an electric blue pair of skin tight speedos bathing suit. Now I don't know about the rest of you guys but I find these types of bathing suits laughable on most men. Especially overweight guys who should know better than to wear them.

He turned around and walked toward the edge of the pool and I goddamn near swallowed my fucking cigarette! There in front of me was the largest bulge I have ever seen in a guys bathing suit. You could not help but notice it. It looked like he had stuffed a friggin' cantaloupe down his shorts!

"What the hell?" I said to myself in amazement as he dove in the water.

I took off my sunglasses and rubbed my eyes, mentally counting my day's beers, and cleaned any smudges off my specs. That can't be real! I must be seeing things. Maybe I've been out in the sun too long? I decide to wait for him to finish his swim so I can see this phenomenon again. I take a few slugs of my beer and light another smoke and wait.

After a little while he swims over and gets out at the shallow end of the pool and walks the length of the pool opposite me again. Now I get a side view and goddamn it still looks like he has a bowling ball stuffed in there! There has to be something medically wrong with this guy I think to myself. No-one could possibly have a ball bag that huge.

I get up and leave as my normal sized nuts are beginning to feel like B.B.'s and this guy is creeping me out! What the fuck, man? I go back to my condo and my friend is sitting on the sofa with the girls watching t.v. I explain what I have just seen to him and he says "Fuck you. You're fulla shit. That's impossible!"

"I'm not lying man!" I say to him.

"C'mere" I say and drag him onto our balcony which overlooks the pool.

"That's him," I say, pointing with my chin, "the guy with the blue speedos."

Even at this distance, across the pool and from the second floor balcony you could see there was something peculiar in this guy's crotch area. My friend looks, starts to say something, stops and looks again, and says "Wait a minute. I'll be right back."

He grabs a beer and his sunglasses and goes out he door.

A few seconds later I see him walking up the steps to the pool and he goes over and sits down on the chair I had been in earlier. I stand on the balcony watching. After a few minutes the Ball Bag guy gets up and walks over to the pool and dives in. I watch my friend's jaw drop like some cartoon character from a Bugs Bunny show. He jumps up and comes back to the rooms.

My pal walks in the condo and comes over to me and grabs my shoulders laughing saying, "Did you see that? That's fucking amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my whole life."

"I know," I say to him, "I fucking told you so!"

We're both incredulous and laughing like hell and wondering what the hell it was that we had seen. The ladies look at us as though we're nuts. We are, so what?

Still laughing and giggling we prepare to go out to eat and do some bar-hopping and leave. This guy and his affliction became an endless source of amusement for us over the next couple of weeks. We started making up nick-names for the guy, each of us trying to crack up the other. The Amazing Ball Bag Guy, the Coconut Nuts Kid, the Cantaloupe Crotch Boy, the Bowling Ball Bag man, Elephant Sack Dude, Melon Balls Guy, etc, etc, until we'd be on the ground laughing with tears in our eyes and saying, "Stop, stop my head hurts, I'm laughing so hard!"

We'd see this guy everyday at the pool and have the damndest time trying not to laugh as he'd walk by. We saw him with two Thai girls once and that started some serious speculation and dirty jokes and such. The girls did seem to be walking a little bow-legged to me. Another time we saw him with two definitely gay Thai men, which seriously started us up again. When I pointed out this guy's problem to my woman she looked and said something in Thai as her mouth dropped open, her eyes bugged out, and she squeaked and covered her eyes giggling. How'd ya like to get your hands on those suckers honey?

All in all another fun time in the Land of Smiles. Where else but in Amazing Thailand could we have seen "The Amazing Ball Bag Guy"?


Later sports fans,

Thingfish