Thai Banks -vs- Efficient Street Money Exchange Kiosks (I AM CURSED)

Having read DANA's "Nine Little Stories", (his 55th posting) I'm prompted to pass comment on his story number 8 : STUPID and RIDICULOUS. Everything therein is accurate. However, I still find myself disagreeing with opinions against Street Money Exchange Kiosks; because I Love Street Money Exchange Kiosks. The reason that I Love Street Money Exchange Kiosks is because, unlike Banks, they are quick, - and very EFFICIENT.

My first trip over to Thailand in 2003 I was warned that if I was taking Sterling banknotes that they should be of a 'crispy variety', so I went to my Bank and got 'a few hundred quid in reddies' as a secret (just in case) safety net. I instructed the cashier behind the counter that the banknotes should be as crisp as a freshly laundered snow white Egyptian cotton bed sheet on a hot summer's night. (Actually, I said no such thing. I just put that in to add a little poetry to my story). Anyway, I had some Thai Baht to tide me over, but the bulk of my war chest was made up of American Express Sterling Travellers Cheques.

Anyone reading this, if they have ever visited the UK will not have failed to have noticed that a lot of our banknotes have seen better days. I mean it is not unusual to be given £5 or £10 banknote in your change that has a Pizza Shop telephone number scrawled on it. It is not unusual to get a banknote in your change that has a corner ripped off. It is not unusual to be given a banknote in your change that has been torn in two, (and joined together by what would appear to be a two year old child), with adhesive tape. It is however unusual to get a banknote in your change that has all three of these defects. Unusual, - but not unknown.

I was told that if I were to take any of this type of banknote into Thailand I would most certainly be bringing them out of Thailand. The Thai's will not accept them I was warned. I was also warned that Hotels gave the worst of all exchange rates. Hotel Receptions were to be avoided.

The time came when I was running out of Thai Baht. Time to change some of my Travellers Cheques. I wanted to keep my UK banknotes intact and even take them back home with me if at all possible, and so with my Travellers Cheques and my Passport it was off to my first, (and my last) expedition to a Thai Bank.

I don't know about you but I hate to queue. By that I don't mean that I dislike queuing. I mean that I HATE to queue, - for anything. We Brit's are Masters of the Universe when it comes to organizing queues. You are at a bus stop and there are two little old ladies in front of you waiting for a bus to arrive. The bus arrives and except for the driver it is completely empty. Everyone is stood on the kerb. The bus stops and the doors open right where you are stood. Whatcha gonna do? You hop on. Of course you do. Wrong."Really, some people!!"  and "Hey You!! Yes You. There's a queue here don't you know!!"  You could be a psychopath out on day release, it doesn't matter a jot. These two little old ladies would still give you a piece of their mind. In other countries that I have visited and I have lived in people quite sensibly just get on the bus. This has absolutely nothing to do with my story but I thought that I would mention it.

Now then, where was I? Oh! Yes, queuing. When I entered the Thai Bank I was ever so pleased to see that there was only a small handful of people in front of me waiting to get served. I hate queuing, - for anything. Did I tell you that? A small queue translates to me as a short waiting time. A short waiting time means that I can get away out of the tedium that is waiting around to get served in a boring Bank. I'm unsure but I think that this Thai Bank was operating a 'take a number' system. Despite the queue being a rather, (to me), small one it seemed to be taking an eternity for all of the other folk in front of me to be dealt with. "Never mind, I'm just unlucky", I thought. "Obviously the counter staff probably have to deal with some awkward enquiries". Eventually it became my turn at the counter. It won't be long now. (Tee-Hee).

I returned the Bank Tellers smile and gave her my American Express Sterling Travellers Cheques together with my Passport together with another smile.

She examined the five £100 Travellers Cheques very carefully. Turning them over she then examined the backs of the Cheques, too. She rubbed them between forefinger and thumb feeling the quality of the paper and held each one up to the light. I can't really bitch about this, after all, 'they could have been' duds. Then she scrutinized my Passport. I wasn't in Bangkok Center, rather out in the Provinces and I am guessing that this may have been the first UK Passport that this Bank Teller had ever held. Every single page was examined, - even the blank pages. The Bank Teller smiled once more and placing the Cheques inside of Passport she left me standing at the counter. After some time she returned with whom I  took it to be was her supervisor, or perhaps an assistant manager. Both of these ladies smiled and I nervously smiled back in return. Both of these ladies then, (without any smiles), stared at me with unblinking eyes. Then they both examined together the photograph that was on the inside of my Passport. Then they both stared at me very intently once again, all of the time muttering something or other to each other. I was beginning to wonder if it was after all very true that all of us "Big Nosed Farangs" actually DO all look the same. My mouth was very dry and I could've killed for an ice cold Heineken. It wasn't as though the photo in the Passport was showing a person that was clean shaven and I had grown a beard. The more that they stared at me and the guiltier that I was beginning to feel; but guilty of what, exactly? And I could feel that my face had developed a nervous twitch. Both of these ladies left and this time I really did think that they had both gone out together on their lunch break. They were away for ages.

Finally, after a couple of days standing at the counter my Teller and the assistant manager came out and began counting my cash. She counted it, double checked it and then counted it over again. The assistant manager did the same. The Teller wrote out the pink slip with the currency exchange details. Yip-pee!! Home & dry. (Tee-Hee).

Before the Thai Baht, my Passport and the pink slip could be released there was the formality of counter signing the Travellers Cheques. I'd already signed them once and was expected to sign them a second time in the space provided. This HAS to be done in the presence of the Bank Cashier for security purposes, and quite rightly so.

I don't know about you, but my signature can vary considerably. My signature isn't consistently "rubber stamp-like" identical. Lots of people are the same as me. I'm even willing to wager a large amount of money that many Thai people are like this, with the possibility that some of the Thai people who are like this are even working in Thai Banks?

The signature that I'd signed in the presence of the Bank Teller wasn't quite the same as the one that I'd signed earlier. This allowed for my Nightmare to continue . . .

I know nothing of Thai TV programmes. I was beginning to wonder if Thailand, like many other countries, had their own version of "Candid Camera". I was looking over my shoulder half expecting a Thai camera crew to make an appearance at any moment and for the TV show host to step forward to shake my hand and slap me on the back in good natured brotherly sportsmanship. I could envisage entire Thai families laughing themselves sick watching this hapless farang being teased without mercy. There was no camera crew. This was all for real. This was how this Bank conducted its business. Derrrrrrrr!!

In comparison to Banks I find that the Street Money Exchange Kiosks really are very Efficient. I am given the impression that all that they want to do is to conduct the transaction quickly, without all of the fuss and palava that I associate with Thai Banks and be rid of you so that they can attend to the next customer, (who may walk off if they have to queue for too long).

AFTERTHOUGHT:

Perhaps it wasn't the Banks fault? Perhaps the fault was all mine?

Whenever I enter the UK, I get STOPPED every time. This never happens in any other countries, only in the UK. Whenever Her Britannic Majesty's Customs Officers go on a refresher training course they must be instructed to be on the lookout for tell tale signs that signals a villain with contraband in his baggage. I must display all of these classic signs. As soon as I've collected my suitcase from the carousel and I am making my way towards HM Customs I start to sweat. I start to sweat because I know that I'm going to be stopped and have all of my baggage searched. I never ever smuggle anything because I know that I am going to get stopped.

When these two Thai ladies in the Bank saw me and my Passport photo they must have thought of America's Most Wanted, - DESPERADO!!!

(I AM CURSED)

© Richard Mather. All rights reserved by the author.