Ballade of His Last Bargirl

There is nothing quite like that first trip – or the inspiration for writing that comes from it. My Bangkok Don Juan cantos were based on the experiences of my first few visits. But it is not long before young flesh becomes a commonplace instead of a fantasy, and then you start to see through the act that 90% of the girls put on – the faked moans and groans, the ‘I miss you’ messages, the lies, the scams. I’ve not written much about the dark side, except maybe Pattaya Inferno – and even that had a very un-Dante-esque happy ending. That’s something I’d like to do more of, and I am planning to write something based on T. S. Eliot’s The Hollow Men. What about the 10% of girls who are not faking, who really like you – love you, even? In a way, they are an even bigger problem, because you get involved and the roller-coaster begins. So you can’t win – though it definitely beats the slippers and fireside! On my last trip I experienced the usual series of disappointments, but I also experienced one girl who was as good as it gets, and she scared me most of all because I’m not ready to go down that road again just now. The Ballade of His Last Bargirl reflects those experiences, and my need to take a break from the bar scene, and from writing about the bar scene. I want to write something better than mere parodies, develop a more original style, and write about a wider range of subjects with greater depth and authenticity. So this is my last Thailand poem – for now!


Ballade of His Last Bargirl

One Happy Hour I popped down to Soi Cow-
-boy, and got more than I ordered with my beer:
A bargirl sat beside me and began, ‘How
Are you? What your name? How long stay here?’
She was quite pretty, so I said, ‘Let’s go!’
But the sex was just mechanical and boring,
And halfway through the night she started snoring!
She’s definitely my last bargirl – for now!

But last night when I went to Nana Pla-
-za, I saw a girl who swept my heart away.
It was her first night working in the bar,
And so I barfined her without delay.
But she was shy in bed, and cried out, ‘Ow!’
When I began to have my wicked way:
A non-performing starfish! What dismay!
She’s definitely my last bargirl – for now!

Well almost, because when I went to Pat-
-pong, I met a girl who made me change my plan:
Jiab was just as sexy to look at,
But needier, 'cause she'd divorced her man.
She was a one-girl, all-night orgy – wow!
But wouldn’t leave, and begged to be my faen*.
When I said no, the arguments began –
She’s definitely my last bargirl – for now!

Envoy

Oh Reader! I have spent too long in Thai-
-land, and not found my true voice, or the tao*,
Or Miss Thailand Right, I don’t know why –
So this is my last Thailand poem – for now!

*girlfriend
*spiritual path

© Bangkok Byron, 2008