default
increase
decreaseBangkok Don Juan
Canto the Fourth
No Paedophile
I
That night Jim heard the siren calls once more:
“Hey, hello hansum, come to C _ _ _ _ _ 2!”
The cute Hello Girl led him through the door,
Showed him the stage and said, “A girl for you?”
But all of them looked horribly hardcore.
He sized up the Hello Girl: “I’ll take you.”
“I cannot go with men,” she said, “no way.”
“2000 baht for short time?” “Oh, OK.”
II
Her name, in keeping with her size, was Noi;
Her height, with shoes, being barely 1 metre, 57.48 centimetres*.
Her chest was almost flat, just like a boy,
Her head, a doll’s, with pony tail hairdo.
“How old are you?” he said with some alloy.
“Eighteen,” she said. He gawped. “Honest. It’s true!”
On hearing this our hero’s mind was swung,
For, though no paedophile, he liked ’em young.
III
Jim said, “Let’s take a taxi to soi see,”
“I can’t,” she said, “go in a big hotel.
But there’s a short time place where they know me.”
“OK,” said Jim, although a warning bell
Was ringing in his head. Was her ID
A problem? Underage? Well, time would tell.
And so he went along to make the booking,
While looking forward very much to f...finding out more about her.
IV
Her body was a treasure - smooth and taut -
The light caressed her skin in sensuous ripples.
Her nom (her breasts) were fuller than he’d thought.
Her hua nom were large and brown (her nipples).
Then from her lips Jim drank, and then he sought
Her nether lips - that headiest of tipples.
Then - seventh heaven - she headed down below
And like the wild west wind began to blow.
V
But every silver lining has a cloud
And just as Jim was rammed up to the hilt ’n
Going like a steam engine, doubt cowed
His manhood. He withdrew with guilt ’n
Shame, wondering if this liaison was allowed,
Or if he’d end up in the Bangkok Hilton
Rotting away with AIDS or bad hygiene -
Young stuff is fine as long as it’s eighteen.
VI
A dream come true turned into a nightmare
When on the door: a sharp, official knocking.
“They’ve come!” thought Jim, “To take me - God knows where -
Imprisoned as a paedophile - how shocking!”
“I thought she was eighteen, your honour, I swear!”
(But it’s no good - I hear the cell door locking.)
He stumbled from the bed, still nice and warm,
And opened to - a man in uniform!
VII
But, oh thank heaven, it wasn’t the police!
Only a porter sent up by reception
To ask about the room: how long the lease,
And to sell condoms to prevent conception
(Or worse), and water, or anything you please,
To make an honest baht without deception.
What joy to think he’d sleep in his hotel
And not a rat infested prison cell!
VIII
Determined now the honest truth to glean,
He turned to Noi and asked if he could see
Some evidence to prove she was eighteen.
Reluctantly she showed him her ID.
The date of birth said 2519.
“What’s that?” He panicked at the mystery.
“That’s Buddhist - 1975 to you.
I’m sorry that I lied - I’m thirty-two.”
IX
“Oh happiness!” cried Jim. “Now that the nagging
Doubt is gone!” Why aren’t you mad?” said Noi.
Said Jim: “Because I’ll know I’m shagging
A girl who’s legal. Oh yes, I’ll enjoy
It much more now. So hurry up, I’m gagging.
Take off that towel and give me that sex toy!”
Despite all this, Jim likes ’em young and naughty,
But now, by “young”, he means she’s under forty.
*In politically-correct Blairland the law now states that, to comply with EU directives, metric measurements should be used - but they’re a bit of a mouthful, as this example shows. Try reading the line again and substitute “five foot two”.
© Bangkok Byron, 2007. All rights reserved by the author.
Print Article
Send to a friend
Save as PDF