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I
WHEN amatory poets sing their loves
In liquid lines mellifluously bland,
And pair their rhymes as Venus yokes her doves,
They little think what mischief is in hand;
There’s greater mischief when it leads to droves
Of lonely men going to a distant land
To seek the love they cannot get in Blighty,
Lured by a dark-eyed, brown-skinned Aphrodite.

II
It seemed to Jim like he was coming home,
When once again he walked down the Sukhumvit;
It had been fun throughout Thailand to roam -
Though he’d had reservations ’bout some of it.
Now seeing again the sights that he had known
And loved, he felt assured good would come of it,
And promised to himself he would make merry,
And lose a second time his Bangkok cherry.

III
He’d almost got as far as Asok station,
And stopped to gaze in the Mercedes showroom,
When three young girls approached with hesitation,
And said, ‘Hey hansum man, you want to go loom?’
Jim was excited by the situation,
But said, ‘I’d like to, but, alas, there’s no room,
In my small bed, for three – let alone four!’
‘No plomplem – we will do it on the floor!’

IV
Jim popped a double ration of Viagra,
Determined to get value for his cash -
That meant that when he’d shagged her, and he’d shagged her,
He’d still have power for another bash.
He felt quite confident, that as a stag, or a
Don Juan, he could cut quite a dash -
So different from that first night’s rough and tumble,
When one night in Bangkok had made him humble!

V
They seemed to take for ages in the shower
And after that seemed very, very shy;
They wanted him to turn the lights down lower,
And none of them would look him in the eye
Or show their bodies – they preferred to cower
Behind their towels with many a modest sigh.
Oh well, thought Jim, there’s nothing new in shamming,
They’ll drop the act as soon as we get slamming.

VI
One said, ‘I give you blow job to get started.’
Which Jim decided was exactly right.
The others soon joined in – they weren’t faint hearted -
But sucked as though they would go on all night.
At last Jim said, watching as their tongues darted
Over his glans, ‘Steady! You’ll overexcite
Me – and I’ll c*m before I’ve half begun,
And miss the f**k – the best part of the fun!

V
They all lay down, but they still wore their towels,
So Jim, to see their beauty, made a pass
To pull their towels off. They shrieked like owls,
But hugged them tight – and then one lovely lass
Said, ‘Start with me – I take it in the bowels -’
‘I beg your pardon?’ Jim said. ‘– in the ass.’
‘Not in the ass!’ said Jim, with clear conviction;
‘I’ve tried it and it’s not my predilection!’

VI
‘What about you?’ he asked another beauty
‘Will you agree to take it up the fanny?’
‘No plomplem,’ she said, offering her booty.
‘No, no! in th’English sense, I mean! – don’t any
Of you like to do the rooty-tooty,
Roly-poly, in the usual cranny?
To say it plain, my meaning clear, up front -
Will any of you take it in the c**t?

VII
‘I will,’ a tiny voice came from the third.
Jim looked again, and guessed she was a hot one.
‘But why won’t they?’ Jim asked his little bird.
‘The reason is,’ she said, ‘they haven’t got one!’
‘What! That is the craziest thing I’ve heard!’
‘Well, I’m are girl,’ she said, ‘but he is not one!
And nor is he!’ ‘Your trick’s not very funny!’
Said Jim. ‘I’m sorry, but we need the money.’

VIII
‘I’ll make it up to you,’ she said, ‘I’ll show you sex
That’s more exotic than the Perfumed Garden
Or Kama Sutra – both my best subjects
At university.’ ‘I’ve got a hard on,’
Jim complained, ‘we’ll talk about it next – ‘
But first we’ll get it up! I beg your pardon,
But I’ve been waiting several hours – I’m gagging!
Stop talking, and get started on the shagging!’

IX
She made it up all right! He was in heaven!
She went right through the index of positions:
First, the Bamboo, the Cobra and the Pestle,
And then the Stag and Tigress dispositions;
And finally the Yawning, where you nestle
Between her open legs – these old traditions
Were made anew each time he made it go in -
And the extra Viagra kept him going.


© Bangkok Byron, 2009. All rights reserved by the author.