Pattaya Inferno. Canto I

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
   mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
chè la diritta via era smarrita.
 
In middle life I lost my way somehow
   And found myself inside a wood so dark
That I had no idea which way to go.
 
   The situation that I faced was stark;
No job, no money, no friends and no lover –
   Hardly a walk, as they say, in the park!
 
My year-long love affair with Lek was over.
   She had run out on me with all my cash;
Bled me white, then left me for another.
 
   With hindsight I can see that it was rash
To seek a lover in a gogo bar –
   It was inevitable that we’d clash.
 
I met her in Soi 8, in S_ _ _ _ _ S_ _ _,
   A shy new girl – well, that is what she said –
We only have their word for what they are,
 
   And it seemed true – she was so shy in bed
At first, then gradually she got bolder,
   And before long was wildly giving head,
 
Practising what her bargirl friends had told her.
   But other lessons too she’d learned from them,
That made her attitude to me grow colder.
 
   They taught her how to manage a farang:
Blow his mind with sex at night. By day,
   Blow his wad at the nearest ATM,
 
Then blow his nose and send him on his way!
   Lek learned her lesson well. A Honda Wave
Was first, then an expensive holiday,
 
   And then she wanted marriage, so I gave
My notice, sold my house and came to Thailand –
   And found I was another kind of slave,
 
And worse off than when I was back in my land!
   What capped it all was when I bought a house;
In her name of course (we cannot buy land
 
In our own name, but only for a spouse).
 It cleaned me out financially, and yet
She wanted more – treated me like a louse.
 
   The loan fell due last week. She was upset,
Not about my debt – she couldn’t care less –
   But about the allowance that she didn’t get.
 
   And then on top of all my other stress
She told me if I couldn’t give her more,
   She’d find another pathway to success.
 
That means another man – I know the score;
   I’ll have to face my problems on my own.
That’s why I’m going to the 14^th floor –
  

   I’ll take the lift up – but the quick way down!

© Bangkok Byron, 2007. All rights reserved by the author.