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THE ARGUMENT: Thai girls are (1) beautiful, (2) fun-loving, and (3) sexy. They (4) value a good heart above looks or youth, and (5) follow the Thai code of courteous behaviour. They are (6) not spoiled by feminism, but are (7) traditional, with (8) strong family values. They will (9) love you to bits (literally, if you are not careful – see stanza ix). So (10) get one and go to heaven!

I

THAI women for their beauty are renowned
Above all women found in other places,
For in no other country have I found
Such slender figures and such pretty faces,
And Buddhism gives inner calm profound
That adds immeasurably to their graces;
They also have an air of the exotic
Which makes them seem incredibly erotic.

II

They have a well-developed sense of fun
Which in their own language they call sanuk.
Whatever it is that has to be done,
They’ll do it with a laugh or smiling look.
At partying they’re not to be outdone
And afterwards, they sure know how to f…
With Thai girls round you, you will never frown
And little things will never get you down.

III

Brought up in the land of ‘Thou Shalt Not’
The western woman is, at best, reserved:
Blow jobs, for example, may be got,
But only as a special treat are served.
Thai women, by comparison are hot,
’Cause they believe we get what is deserved
Based on our karmic debt and how we act –
So Buddhism makes them sexier – it’s a fact!

IV

Thai girls are not too bothered what they see
In terms of looks; you can be bald and fat;
And youth is not important. If, like me
You’re past your prime – they don’t mind about that.
What they desire is called in Thai, jai dee;
It means ‘good-hearted, kind’. That’s where it’s at
For them, so if you’re kind and smart,
You’ve all you need to win a Thai girl’s heart.

V

They live their lives according to a code
Which Thai culture has taught them to apply:
Deuhn sai – which means to walk the middle road;
Consider others – in Thai words, Grayng-jai;
Sabai-sabai – bear easily life’s load;
Be well-groomed and polite – be riap roi.
The only thing that we see as disgrace:
Is sia na – they can’t stand losing face!

VI

Feminism has a lot to answer;
It is a theory, and a dangerous one,
That through the western world runs like a cancer,
Till all traditional values are undone.
Equality? The humblest gogo dancer
Is just as good as me – but where’s the fun
If she’s the same as me? Yes, on the whole,
Thai women know they have a different role.

VII

Thai girls are traditional, and do
What women do; they don’t want to be men.
They’re not ladettes; they will look after you,
Shower you, then brush your teeth, and then
Blow your mind (and d**k) with sex (it’s true!).
They will do anything – if you look after them.
But that’s the deal – you must provide the money,
Do that, and they will never stint the honey!

VIII

Family – almost a dirty word
Back in the PC-dominated West.
But for strong family-values I have heard
That traditional Thai women are the best.
Of course, at first you may feel like a nerd,
Supporting mae and paw at her request,
But when it’s your turn and kids come along,
You’ll bless her for a family that’s strong!

IX

Thai women’s love is like a raging fire
Consuming them with passion all their lives:
Return it and you’ll get all you desire,
But thwart it and they’ll soon get out their knives.
They cannot stand a cheater or a liar,
Or butterflies who have a dozen ‘wives’:
A Thai girl’s like an angel, treated well,
But hurt – she is a devil out of hell!

X

So go for it, and get a Thai teerak,
Don’t fret about the stories found on Stickman,
Just love the girl, and she will love you back.
And it will work, if you don’t, like a thick man,
Choose a bad girl, self-harming or on crack.
Yes, choosing the right girl, that is the trick, man.
And when you do, your girl will, by her worth,
Show you the meaning of ‘heaven on earth’!

 

 

© Bangkok Byron, 2007. All rights reserved by the author.