The Foster Foskin Dunny Song

The Foster Foskin Dunny Song

I was sittin inside the outside dunny
When a red back spider came my way
It was big and black and nasty lookin’
He looked real hungry on that day

I jumped up off the dunny seat
With me daks around me knees
And I backed out of that dunny door
And whaddaya think I sees?

It was the Ipswich Ladies Choir passin by
They all waved and said G’day
Now I’m not a really bashful bloke
So I grabbed me wang and said Hey! G’day!

There I was waving me wang around
When they all got down ter pray
Their eyes they were all fixed full on me
And this is what I heard em say

Oh Foster’s got a beautiful wang
It’s long, and hard and looking grand
So I told em ladies look around, there’s only me
But they all yelled out Please give it to Me! No me! Oy, Me!

Well what’s a bloke to bloody do
When he’s obviously in demand?
So I pulled up me daks and cinched me belt
And said the lot of youse’ll be grand

The ladies they were all accomplished flautists
They played that pipe so well
And when Foster reached a crescendo
Miss Daisy rang the bell

So when they ask what happened to Foster
You tell ‘em he’s ragin like a bloody bush fire
He’s singin tenor in the chorus
Of the Ipswich Ladies Choir for us

Oh Foster’s got a beautiful wang
It’s long, and hard and looking grand
So I told em ladies look around, there’s only me
But they all yelled out Please give it to Me! No me! Oy, Me!

But alas this happy dream I had
Was interrupted by the accusing sound
Of a bell that rang inside my head
Obviously designed to wake ya from the dead

And so I woke up in a bloody stupor
That godammed bell still ringin’ in me head
I looked at the shiela beside me
And wished I was bloody dead

This was no bloody Ipswich Ladies Choir
It had all been a bloody lovely dream
I’d gone to bed with Miss Thailand
And woke up with a Pattaya dragon queen!

© MarcHolt. All rights reserved by the author.