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decreaseMr Foskin, I am a reasonably good looking male, recently divorced from a Thai wife, and not ready to settle down again. I am self sufficient, clean my place in about 20 minutes a day, and eat out mostly with friends.
I enjoy the company of Thai women. Since my divorce I have taken out quite a few from the bars. However, I prefer the company of ladies who do not work in the bars, as they are more likely to enjoy a night out for dinner and/or a movie.
My problem is that every time we’re ready to go home they all want to go to my place and stay!
I value my freedom. At my age, the sex doesn’t interest me so much. I am just looking for good friends. But all the girls I meet think I should take them in as permanent lovers even when I have only been out with them a couple of times. When I tell them I am not interested in getting married they don’t hear me. I am getting very frustrated. In Europe I previously had little difficulty dating ladies on these terms but, in Thailand, it appears to be impossible – and it seems to make no difference where I meet these ladies.
What can I do to find women who will accept my friendship without the sex? Where do I meet them? Please help.
Sincerely
Andy
Crikey Andy. What’s your problem? Here you are in the land of wonderful women, willin’ ter give youse everythin’ and youse are knockin’ it back? And then yer tell me youse’re frustrated?
Mate, I reckon youse are only goin’ ter find the right type of woman fer youse at a bloody temple. Some of them shielas with the shaved heads and white robes are there because they had bad experiences with men and needed a place ter hide out. Why don’t yer try enrolin’ in one a them medication classes? Youse might make a mental connection with one of ‘em without even movin’ from yer seat.
Y’know mate, I reckon with your problems yer really need ter go back home. Youse’ve been married to a Thai fer too long and it’s obviously bent yer out of shape a bit. Go on. Go home fer a while and see how well youse pull the shielas these days. I guarantee youse’ll be runnin’ back ‘ere in a few months with yer tail between yer legs….come ter think of it, yer tail will more than likely be between yer biceps by then!
Hey there Foster, here’s a question you haven’t answered in your column before, yet it’s one that a lot of us men are confronted with.
I am thinking of marrying this beautiful Thai lady who may be a virgin. I don’t know because we have never had sex, even though we have been going out for six months.
She tells me that it’s customary to give money to the bride’s parents by the groom’s parents at the engagement ceremony.
She says she doesn’t expect a lot of money and her parents would give it back to us when we get married. But she also says she would like them to keep a portion of the dowry anyway as a way to make merit.
When you got married, did you pay the Sin Sot (dowry) when you got engaged? If so, did you pay it to her parents? Did they keep it or give it back to you? And when did you pay it?
Puzzled in Esarn
Youse have been datin’ fer six months and yer’ve never slipped ‘er a bit? I reckon youse aught ter join Andy at the temple. The both of youse need yer heads straightened.
If a shiela doesn’t put out within the first three or four dates, it’s time ter move on, mate. How old is this virgin of yours? Your name isn’t really bloody Keith Summers, is it? He’s always rattlin’ on about virgins.
Now, if youse are still goin’ ter marry this shiela, here’s a few tips.
Me missus says that the Sin Sot is a rort, a rip-off perpetrated on gullible blokes the likes of youse ter extort money. But if a family does demand a Sin Sot, it should only be displayed at the weddin’ and given back ter yer new wife after the ceremony. That way, the family can feel secure that if youse do toddle orf in the future she’ll have some money ter tide ‘er over. Seein’ as there’s no alimony in Thailand, this is a pretty good idea. Us farung blokes enjoy a bit on the side just as much as any Thai bloke don’t we? Except fer blokes like youse, though, eh?
If this shiela is demandin’ yer pay the Sin Sot at the engagement I’d be takin’ a long, hard look at her mate. I reckon she’s a bloody gold digger and she’s withholding her favors ter get yer horny enough to do anythin’ ter get into her pants. Remember this: It’s your money. It’s your decision, not hers!
Hello again Dahkling, it’s me, Miss Helicopter!
Me velly solly to disturb you again. Me know you velly busy mek money and answer question alla time. But Miss Helicopter have funny plomplan me t’ink only you can know.
You know already that Miss Helicopter (Foster’s note: Screw this, I’ll change her name ter MH from now on, ok?) me hab many boyfriend. Me no like boring life me. Big trouble now, MH hab meet nice boy from Saweden. He tall, blond hair, blue eyes, and b-i-i-i-i-g one! Me like velly much, wan’ he lub me same same me lub he.
MH show lub he many times. Put finger me point to left shoulder me, look he inna eye make he gib answer. But I t’ink he big buffalo somtime. He no do same same tell me he lub me too.
Oh, Foster dahkling, MH velly sad. No can tell he how mutt love he. Wait he tell me first. What can I do?
Always good ter hear from yer Miss Helicopter. We can’t have me favorite lady in distress (Please don’t ask which dress, ok?) suffering such pangs and heartache.
Now, first of all, youse have ter understand that Thai sign language is not the same as we use in Aussie. Back there, if youse stick a finger in an upward direction someone is likely ter give youse a good punch on the nose. So, me little perambulator, don’t be too disappointed that the man of yer dreams doesn’t understand yer sign at all. In fact, it’s probably lucky he hasn’t given yer a black eye instead of eight inches!
If yer want the poor bloke ter know how much yer love him, come out with it woman! Just open yer mouth, somethin’ I know youse are very adept at, and make the sounds come out.
No, no, not like yer did with me when youse was tryin’ ter unstick me zipper that memorable day recently. I mean yer gotta look ‘im in the eye and say, “Do youse know what Mr Saweden? I – I – I – love you!”
That’s what me wife said not long after I met ‘er. Of course, she didn’t call me Mr Saweden, but youse get the picture, right?
By the way, yer forgot yer lipstick after the zipper episode. That was lucky. I put a bit of it on me face before I got home very drunk that night. The missus believed me when I said I bought it for her and wanted ter test it out before I gave it ter her. Dunno why she threw out a perfectly good lipstick. But maybe that was a sign too, eh?
I should be allowed back into the house next week, with any luck.
© Marc Holt. All rights reserved by the author.
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