Day tripping to Laos

A bargirl in Nong Khai told me Laos is like Thailand 30 years ago. In the case of Vientiane I’d say it’s more like 30 minutes ago. The road from the friendship bridge to Vientiane is excellent, thanks to donations from Japan, while various other countries have contributed to public works, including China with temple restorations. Thanks to the years of occupation by France, though, the French influence remains the strongest.

Vientiane is full of charming French-provincial architecture. Continental cafes and restaurants abound, which is never a bad thing. For a capital city Vientiane is tiny, but certainly cosmopolitan. Thanks to arrangements with certain African countries you have not only Asians and farangs, but also a good number of African expats enjoying the quaint streets of Vientiane. The city is teeming with backpackers too, whereas Nong Khai fails to have such a draw, despite the bizarre wonders of Sala Kaeo Kuu.

Getting across the border to Vientiane is a bit of a paperwork hurdle, but no more than you’d expect. After the epic 3-minute journey over the bridge, you discover that you need a passport photo for the Lao visa. If you don’t have one, just smile nicely and they’ll scan your passport. A bigger problem is finding a pen to fill out the forms. Apparently complimentary pens were too big a drain on the Lao economy, so you have to buy one for 2000kip. It sounds extortionate until you realise this is 30c or less. On the way back Thailand is much more generous, providing one pen for the entire bus.

There is then an additional entry fee (don’t ask me why they can't build it into the visa cost) but if you get things wrong don’t worry, they’ll point you in the right direction. A simple rule of thumb in Vientiane is most places prefer baht or better yet, US dollars. Another rule of thumb is that anything made in Laos will be dirt cheap, but things imported from Thailand or anywhere else will be expensive. The moral to this story is drink Beerlao. You should anyway, because it’s great. Beerlao Dark is also about the only dark beer in Asia outside of Japan. It isn’t especially dark, but it is strong at 6.5%. Unfortunately a 330cc bottle of this is the same price as a 640cc bottle of the regular Beerlao.

Anyway, back to my 5-hour odyssey. The tuktuk driver asked where I wanted to go in Vientiane. I said "anywhere". He charged me 150,000kip which I thought was a shocking rort, but then I realised he took anywhere to mean everywhere, i.e. a day tour. This worked out beautifully as I had no idea where to go and he drove me straight to all the hotspots (including the Thai consulate, which unusually for a farang I didn’t need).

At the first place we stopped I bought a hat from one of the tourist-trap stalls. The girl there asked for 100baht and when I actually gave it to her without bargaining she smiled like she had won the lottery. I figure three dollars is a small price to pay if it makes someone so happy. Nice hat, too. I still have it.

I saw the pointy gold thing, the Asian Arc de triumphe, some old temples and the really old upside down ice-cream cone. All very moving stuff. Best of all, though, was the obligatory riverside eatery where I enjoyed a large Beerlao beside the majestic brown Mekhong. A few angry ants on the railing aside it was a very pleasant lunch for about a dollar.

I told my driver to meet me in a couple of hours and went for a stroll up Luang Prabang, which offers most of the nightlife in Vientiane. Not much daylife as it turns out, but some nice monk joints to take photos of and one really great bar/restaurant called Khop Chai Deu. A Lao bargirl in Nong Khai taught me sabaidee (hello) and khop chai (thanks) before I left and as it turned out these were the only words I needed. I found more people speak English in Vientiane than most parts of Thailand and a lot of them speak French too. Khop Chai Deu has an excellent beer garden in front with perfect lounging music and happy hour from 9am to 8pm. Of course the happy hour prices are just regular prices for Vientiane and the other prices are inflated, but it’s the thought that counts.

I arrived at my rendezvous point (French influence rubbing off) to find my driver face-deep in some noodles, so I had another Beerlao while I waited for him to finish... number six I think. Driving back to the bridge I noticed how it took about a quarter-turn on the wheel for the Chinese-built Changan (Suzuki) tuktuk to change direction at all. I wondered how many times the 5-digit odometer had come back to zero, this year. Still, better than the noisy three-wheelers in Nong Khai that are flat-out at 30km/h. This speed machine nudged 60km/h on occasion.

With my many-beer-buzz going I watched the tree-lined streets disappear behind me and felt very much at one with my environment. I felt goodwill towards all people, until we got to the checkpoint and I encountered some white female backpackers. Who the hell are they kidding? They hate roughing it. That’s why they need a 40kg backpack, which they then complain about for their entire holiday. One sour-faced cow on the bus spent her time glowering at her boyfriend as if every imperfection on the road was his fault. Imagine what goes through his head when he sees Lao girls who don’t have a cent, carrying a child on either arm but still smiling as if life couldn’t be better. I bet it’s all he can do not to high-tail it in the middle of the night. He should.

They say if you still have kip in your wallet when leaving Laos you should spend it or give it away because it’s worthless anywhere else. I decided to buy a couple of six packs of Beerlao instead, leaving me with only a 500kip note. It might come in handy next time I need to use a public toilet. Luckily that night I had the luxury of my hotel toilet in Nong Khai.

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