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1

7 p.m. For some reason the air-con bus drops me on a very big road on the outskirts of Udon Thani. I am trying to catch a tuk-tuk to my pre-booked hotel, but there are no tuk-tuks! Why?

I am tired, hungry, sweaty, need toilet, bag heavy, legs exhausted, shops closed.

No, one shop is open, a fruit garage, and now the lady walks towards me, a little child around her. No, please, no small talk now, I need shower and khao pad first.

She asks: "Ao tuk-tuk mai khaa?" - Do I need a tuk-tuk?

"Chai khrap", oh yes!!

She darts back to her shop and brings me a green plastic stool: "Siddown please". That was maybe all of her English. So I sit down on this green plastic stool which itself sits right on this very big road on the outskirts of Udon Thani. I throne on the slow lane of a commuters' road somewhere in Isaan. And smack in the middle of the busy road: my fruit lady, screaming for "tuk-tuuuk"!

2

Now I am well established in Udon Thani. After the usual switching I finally did settle with an agreable hotel. I steer my rented 125 cc fake Honda towards the fruit shop with that helpful lady and her young one. After some cruising in the heat, I even do find the place. I peel out of the helmet, and instantly there is her most charming welcome smile. Yes, she does remember me, and she is not offenced. I bring a smallish teddy bear for her young one. She smiles all over: "Baby loves velly much. Baby not here now, but loves velly much!!!" So even some more English from her. I am treated to a fruit juice from her repertoire, a little later I force myself to go. She is beaming and smiling as I disappear under that helmet and on that very big road. No questions or promises asked, only: "Chok-dii khaaaaaaaa!" Heartbreaking - I could take her back to Europe right now.

3

Ui, a few days later, Honda-ing back to my fruit lady, there he is: I already knew there is some "He", it is no offence to ask a Thai lady about that, "mi faen mai khrap?", you have boyfriend?, and with a serious face she had said, "Yes, mi khaa", she had a male someone. Nonetheless, I squeeze out of the steaming helmet in less than ten minutes. She is all beams and smiles, while his face goes bunker. When I finally have the moto-sai parked and the helmet disposed, he has vanished. Ok for me!

She is all smiles and relaxed. I receive another fruit juice, then khun baby bumps out of a back door. Sees me and shoves the teddy bear right into my face: Khun baby does remember I brought khun teddy and khun baby is screaming some kind of Thank You, I guess - volume making up for non-existent English skills. I didn't even expect to see the teddy again, and I never expected that khun baby remembers me and even remembers me as a teddy bear donor - a week after we briefly met in the dark of a very big road.

Then, customers queue up. With her Him vanished, she quickly recruits me to do the job: I cut and squeeze oranges and lemons which she refines and sells to bored fat uniformed school kids. I squeeze the tiny oranges to the max, but she teaches me to squeeze them more carefully, doing it too much is "mai alloy", not delicious. So there I am, a farang preparing 5-baht-fruit-juices for fat bored uniformed school kids. Some kids are just hanging out, uncertain to buy a fruit juice or not. The way she talks them into a purchase is heartbreaking, sweet mother's and sweet lover's talk in one track. I don't understand one word, but talk to me like that and I will buy YOU!! I'd even give  ten baht.

4

8.30 a.m. A telephone call for me? Slowly I arise from my dreams. Oh, I am in Udon Thani, right? That hotel again. Who might be calling? Oh, my fruit lady. "Sawas-dii khrap", I merely manage to whisper and cuddle back to the cushion, pressing the receiver to my ear. Half dreaming and half listening to her warm voice from outer world.

I am not sure what she wants. Our common vocabulary does not exceed a total of 30 words in two and a half languages.

"Sabai-dii mai khrap?"

"Sabai-dii khaa."

8.37, I try to speak a full sentence: "Khun mah hotel mai, chawp mai khrap?" I ask if she likes to come to the hotel. I had thought of having breakfast together. But I realize only after this longest Thai speech I ever made that I might sound sleazy: inviting, from out of my bed, a young poor fruit selling lady to a hotel. What with my bedroom voice, as I am still half asleep and fully horizontal. And there it comes: her very firm "NO", very clear. Seems to contain a little smile though, like "Maybe I like, but I cannot" or maybe like "I know you'd try, my little boy, but I am not like that". But who knows Thai ladies?

I feel bad now, indecent, so I try to make sure why I had invited her to the hotel. As we don't have a common word for breakfast, I say: "Drink coffee, yaak mai khrap?" She doesn't want. But she wants to know more about this exotic farang creature: "So you like coffee velly much, chai mai kha?"

 

© Hans Meier