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"There" always looks better than "here". But once you are "there" you will simply obtain a new "here" and again see a better "there".

I read a story about the phases of culture shock and I thought by describing my own stages I could find out where I am now. But let me begin by saying that I think that some people (when moving to a new culture) may already be in a certain stage at the moment of arriving there. Maybe the "moving" has already started before actually moving. I think in my personal way of "moving" that has been true. First of all because I came to this "new" culture already fifteen times in a time span of ten years. And secondly my mother was born into this culture and at home we have never lived the standard way that is normal to the culture where I come from. I have always felt some kind of roots here in South East Asia.

Stage 1: Meeting Thailand

The first stage started for me in 1985 when I was on a 1-month holiday in Indonesia and Thailand. I did fall in love with the Asian way of life and I did feel at home. And from 1991 onwards I continued to come back to Thailand, Laos, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Vietnam and China. In that time I more and more started to like the Asian way of life, of which I, of course, could only see a glimpse of while being on holiday here.

Stage 2: Falling in love with Thailand and all that comes with it

The second stage began for me in 1998 when my wife and I traveled for six months in SEA. My wife could easily fall back into her old life again, I could not. Plus I started to work in China and Thailand. At this time I did not only fall in love with Thailand, but also with the nightlife of Bangkok and the sweet Angels that come with it.

Stage 3: Party

The third stage happened during the first 1 or 2 years that I lived in my new home country. I escaped the traditional way of "living & working" and life was now one big party. I did not understand anything of the local language or culture. Of course I did not think so at that moment. I did work once in a while and made good money, which I spent just as easily as I made it. This was a stage in which I saw myself as better than and smarter than, 'those' Thais and other guests of this wonderful country.

Stage 4: Wake-up the day after the party

And then somehow, somewhere, I slowly transformed myself to the fourth stage. Maybe it has to do something with the fact that at least I started to understand a little bit of Thai and some cultural things? It for sure is a stage where I realized that returning back to my old home-country would be very difficult. I started to accept more of the new culture and not seeing it all as bad. I also started to read more about daily life & politics in Thailand. This stage has maybe a second stage where I made the decision that my future life must be here in Thailand. Also it was where I realized that life in my old home-country was not so bad after all. Actually there are a lot of good and nice things. Then I also started to realize that I have to overcome in a better way the cultural and language cap between me and my new home country.

I think at the moment I am at the end of stage 4, or at the beginning of stage 5, whatever that might be. One thing is for sure; returning back home would be more difficult than ever before, but on the other hand not as impossible as it seemed in the beginning. If for some reason I have to go back I will not choose the 'body-bag' way. In the meanwhile I did find my own 'home sweet home' and the best girlfriend I could think of. More and more now I look to the future, instead of only to today. "Carpe diem". Yes, but not only this day, also tomorrow, next week, and next year. I found good friends, nice neighbors and other lovely people.

My "there" has become my "here", but with friendlier people, better weather, and no stress. As life is really too short to worry about it.

-Chang Noi-