Thais Don’t Use Chopsticks

By : Blackheart
Views : 446

Suzi also came into my life just as quick and unexpected. I was getting tired of borrowing wheels from people. Besides, if you don't have a scooter, you are really not making it in Pakmeng! I started to make enquiries about how much a set of wheels would be. "40,000 Baht new!" the locals told me. That's about R8,000-00. Not bad, but similar to what you can pick up in SA.

On Monday afternoon I caught a taxi to Trang, the nearest big town. It's about 50 kilometers away and I asked the driver to drop me off at the nearest motorcycle dealer. There are many motorcycle dealers since this is the preferred method of transport in the south of Thailand. There are literally thousands of these scooters in Thailand, especially in the smaller towns. Every body owns one, from farmers to businessmen to shopkeepers to housewives to students to school kids - hardly surprising that you don't find a 'moms taxi' here.

At ten to five he dropped me off at a Suzuki dealer in town. They were busy closing shop. A smooth looking Thai salesman introduced himself to me. "How much for motorcycle?" I asked. He showed me the more expensive models. True what the locals said, around 40 000 Baht. "You have secondhand?" I asked. He showed me one for 15 000 Baht, but I wasn't sure it would take me the 50 kilometers back home. Then he showed me a pink 100cc for 29 000 Baht. "Not bad" I thought, just the color. " What would the neighbors say?" I thought. Perhaps those katoeys (lady boys) will say: "Ja well, one of us - he just doesn't know it!" But then I saw her. There she was - fire engine red with a silver tail. Suzuki 110 Smash (I kid you not!) 4 stroke semi automatic. Semi automatic means it has gears, but no clutch. Kind of tip-tronic. Brand spanking new! (well, that's what she looked like to me) new tires - they still had the pimples on them - new grips, new footrest, new seat, new everything. And only 25 000 Baht!!! "I can discount you more for cash." The salesmen said. I was in no mood for negotiating, I wanted this babe. "23 000 Baht." He said. "Even better," I thought. They put petrol into her and she started with the second kick. I took her for a test drive in the shop and I was even more impressed. I read an article in the Star motoring magazine once. The writer said: "If you haven't been taken for a ride, you haven't bought a secondhand vehicle." But with Suzi I never had a day's problem.

With registration and a basket the total came to exactly 24 415 Baht! I gave them my passport to do the registration and asked them where the nearest ATM was. At quarter past six I drove out of the Suzuki showroom. Suzi was registered and paid for - compliments Diners! This was the first time in my life that I bought a secondhand vehicle that looked and felt like new. I had to take it for a free oil change at 1 000 kilometer.

On my way home I filled her up at the pump, 91 Octane, 24.90 Baht/ liter. 80 Baht to fill her up! That's R16-00! I drove the 50 kilometers home with an open face helmet and in semi-darkness. Suzi impressed me - this was a well balanced little scooter with good brakes and good road holding. I got home and filled her up again. I had to see what fuel consumption I was getting. Suzi used less than a liter - I was in love.

It wasn't long before I became restless. There is not much to do in this little fisherman's village. There are less than a thousand people in and around town and I am one of three farang (foreigner). The women are working and the men are drinking. The other two falang were also drinking all day. Nice to live like that, but it gets to you after a while. No one speaks English. There is the main road that runs into town- the 4162. At the end it T-junctions into the road that runs parallel with the sea. Turn right and you go to the pier, turn left and you go to Amari hotel. Me and Suzi had to take the high road out of this place. I got myself an open face helmet with tinted visor (my full face that I brought with me was just too hot) and military style pants with lots of pockets that came to just under the knees. The waterproof jacket came with Suzi. The long sleeves were pretty useful to protect me against the sun. For shoes I used North Star takkies. Gloves I had.

I decided to do some island hopping - up North along the Andaman Sea - Krabi, Ao Nan, Phuket, Patong; then East across the mainland towards Ko Samui and down South along the Siam Gulf past Nakhorn Si Thammarat and West again, back home. A seven day trip that would take me to the best islands that this beautiful Kingdom has to offer.

What did I take with for the trip? A small backpack with underwear and t-shirts, a toothbrush and emergency toilet paper, sun block and Pinacolade: Thailand has lots of coconut juice - you just need to add the Pinacolade. I was going to enjoy myself Island style. And water - this country is hot, very hot! Food? Thais have a very catered for lifestyle. You will always find a cart or a food stall or a house selling food or fruit and drinks. The watermelon is cut and sliced and peeled. Just ready for you to chew and swallow. I enjoy this lifestyle. I always say that they will even chew and swallow the watermelon for you if you pay them a few extra Baht.

My maiden voyage was to Ao Nang. About 120 km from where I live and twenty odd kilometers after Krabi. I had met an Australian on one of the islands and he told me he stayed there.

First leg: Pakmeng to Ao Nang

I set off on Suzi at 2:00 Friday afternoon. My ETD (estimated time of departure) was 3 o'clock. I was still a little sun burned from the previous day on the beach and I wanted to wait for it to be a little cooler. But, I was too excited and I took the high road north at exactly 2pm. Destination: Ao Nang. Distance: 140 kilometer. ETA (estimated time of arrival): 5 pm.

Thailand has a very good road infrastructure. Almost all of the roads are tarred and well maintained. The majority has a shoulder for bicycles and motorcycles to drive on. To overtake another scooter you just press your hooter to warn them and move slightly over to the right. The same happens when a car wants to overtake a scooter that is in its way. Road rage is virtually non-existing here; it's always a hoot and a smile. Driving is a little tricky. While road users are aware of motor bikes, trucks can be dangerous. Thais drive on the left side of the road, but scooters don't stick to the rule. Often you will find them coming towards you from both sides of the road. Traffic coming into your lane doesn't look or indicate. They just turn and it's up to you to slow down or move over. (Hoot and smile!)

Instead of taking the 404 Main Road, I chose to take the less traveled back road to Sikao. It follows the Andaman Sea and the road is much more scenic. There were a few sharp curves and one almost caught me off guard. Falling on my first day would have really put a damper on things. I rode long stretches next to the sea.

I passed through Sikao - a small hilly village stretching a couple of kilometers along the beach. Not much bigger than Pakmeng. The beach had beautiful white sand and the islands were uninhabited. They were formed through limestone formations that withstood thousands of years of erosion. The islands are not flat, more like huge mountains jumping out of the sea. The sea was beautiful: clean with a transparent jade green color. The Andaman has the mood swings of a woman. It can turn from crystal clear and jade green to deep blue or a dirty grey green. Some days it is as flat as a pan. Others, you won't go in a long tail boat on her.

After about 35 kilometer I stopped to fill up and stretch my legs. I filled up at a regular filling station - the fuel is cheaper here and you re also assured that it would be clean. I bought a Pepsi from the 108 petrol store and set off again. The locals seem to be fairly affluent, but I didn't see to much economic activity: A couple of shops, but no farming or fishing. At a T-junction I turned right towards Krabi. The road was wide here, but with a lot of pick-ups and trucks carrying their produce to the market. I passed through a couple of villages. Houses lined the road at no less than 100m intervals. Almost every house had a shop in front of it, selling food or fruit or drinks. Some sold petrol or tires. Others sold dried fish. Here there was no shortage of spares or petrol.

Twenty kilometers from Krabi there were road works. They were busy widening the road. It was getting late and there was a lot of heavy vehicles on the road. The sun was shining in my eyes and it was dangerous to travel. My face hurt from sunburn. Just before Krabi airport the road widened into a four way lane with an island in the middle. A few kilometers further it t-junctioned into the Krabi-Phuket main road. At the robot I turned left - towards Krabi. Ao Nang was towards my right.

Krabi is a typical backpacker's joint, with lots of cheap guesthouses and youngsters in Bob Marley gear. And, off course the old hippies and arrogant falang women. I hardly saw a Thai beauty. I stopped for a Chang beer at a beer bar. The owner was a friendly Thai man that came from the same city as my wife - Nakhon Si Thammarat or short Nakhon. 60 Baht for the beer. Next stop was Ao Nang; about 20km from Krabi. It is a small seaside town with a mixture of Falang and Thais. It has a bar and restaurant strip - a bit like Durban when we went there on family holiday. Ao Nang is a nice clean city with a clean beach and not too much waste in the sea.

I asked the bar owner how I could get to Ao Nang. He explained to me to go straight with road that we were in, left at the T-junction and after five minutes left again. I wondered where left again would be. Outside I met a scooter-taxi. The driver said he would charge me 300 baht to take me there, and laughed. I did not take him up on his offer, but wondered why he laughed.

I should have taken him up on his offer. After driving for about an hour through the back roads of Krabi which continued to cul-de-sac into the beach I was back at the Krabi-Phuket road. I stopped at an intersection and asked a policeman where Ao Nang was. He pointed in the Krabi direction. After driving more than 20km I realized that it was not as easy to find as I thought it was. I have the motto, if its there, I will find it. I turned back towards Krabi, but when I reached the outskirts of Krabi, I realized I was lost. I turned back towards Phuket /Ao Nang again. By now it was dark. I decided to go to another beach and look for Ao Nang in the morning again. I took a turn-off that said Phra Nang and I headed west towards the sea.

Beautiful beach bungalows were advertised on a Thai billboard. I could make out the 2 million baht (R400 000-00). "What a bargain." I thought. By now it was completely dark and it looked like the whole of Phra Nang was heading home. I saw a turnoff 'Ao Nang' and I couldn't believe my luck. I followed the road meandering along the sea. Gradually the open veldt turned into small bamboo beer bars. As I entered town two beautiful girls from the north greeted me with a Wai and friendly Thai smile. The girls from up north are easily recognizable since there skins are much lighter and they have distinct round faces with high cheek bones and small turn-up noses. They are also the ones that work in the bars - the girls from the south don't!

I stopped for a beer. There is nothing better than a cold Tiger (shipped in from Singapore) after a long day in the saddle. A couple of Tigers went down quickly - 70 Baht each. Breweries spoilt us with cheap beer. Even in cheap Thailand you can't beat the price that this huge brewery monopoly is charging for their mass-produced beer. I ordered a plate of Phat thai and prawns - 120 Baht. I asked the girl behind the bar about a bungalow. I found it a bit difficult to look her in the eyes as her top was quite revealing. Two more Tigers and I would have asked her if it was a boob job. She pulled up her shoulders and 'Don't know,' came the answer. I thought the katoye next to her could help me. Same - 'Don't know. I'm new in town.' I sensed trouble. Panic started to set in. I know the Thai way. Never give you a straight answer, never give you bad news. But the answers were just too evasive for my liking. I was back on Suzi and stopped at a cheap looking guest house. "You have room?" I asked a fat Thai girl behind the counter. 'Yes, 1 200 baht, but full,' she said. A helpful mamasaan made a couple of calls for me. 'Sorry, nothing - you have to go back Krabi,' she told me. Bad luck, I just came from there!

By now I knew this Krabi-Phuket road quite well. After about 20 minutes I was back in Krabi. I stopped at the first guest house that looked decent. 'Sorry, we full. High season,' the receptionist said. 'Where can I try?' 'Don't know, they're all full. High season.' My heart start to sink into my shoes - I really didn't want to go back a hundred and twenty kilometers to Pakmeng this time of the night. I tried Sweetlips a couple of blocks away, but they were also full. And the standard reply: 'I don't know, try next door.' "KL Guesthouse" it said "Rooms to let". The caretaker was sleeping. I'll try one more time, I thought, then head back home. 'You have room?' I asked. 'Yes, hundred eighty Baht,' he said. I paid. I did not even ask to see the room. I park my bike inside the courtyard and when my head hit the pillow I slept.

Second leg: Ao Nang to Phuket

This was a long ride on a scooter. Just over three hundred kilometer in one day. I won't recommend such a long ride non-stop, unless you have some kind of reinforcement in your bum. I was up early and had a rather disappointing American breakfast (100 Baht) at the Up2You Guesthouse. I filled up with 91 Octane at the Shell filling station (80 Baht) and left Krabi at about 7 o'clock. Krabi was slowly starting to come to life. It was a beautiful Saturday morning. We were at sea level and the 110cc 4-stroke single overhead cam motor had lots of power. I took the very familiar road towards Phuket past Ao Nang. The road was wide and newly tarred and it was passing through huge hills shooting up into the air. Same as the islands, they just did not have the water around them. I imagined that a couple of hundred years ago this was sea and those hills were islands. I start to worry less about what global warming would do to us.

The scenery around Ao Nang is very beautiful. Unlike most of the south the vegetation is indigenous. Unspoilt and not replaced by rubber or coco plantations. Banana trees grow wild and you can even see some bird life. Ao Nang beach is clean and beautiful and I can see why many expats make it there home. I stopped to take a photo. Apart from the occasional scooter, the road belonged to me. No cars, no trucks, no dogs, no chickens. I had difficulty sticking to 80 km/h, often finding that the needle would touch the 100 km/h mark. The road was wide with a fresh asphalt surface and a big shoulder for motorbikes. Then I saw the reason for it: "Royal Residence" a sign read. Not long after that the road narrowed with a small shoulder to ride on.

There were surprisingly few houses with shops here. (Almost every Thai house has a shop in front.) I also noticed the total absence of petrol stations. But with Suzi filled up I could do well over 150km on a tank without having to look for a filling station. A few kilometer further a small 108 shop (The Thai equivalent of 7-Eleven) popped up and I stopped. I had a 200ml Red Bull (10 Baht). I love to drink these cheap Red Bulls. Back home it would have cost me more than five times that amount! I drank another one, just because it's so cheap. I took the high road North. It was just after ten, but it was already starting to get hot. Even though I applied a factor 40 sunscreen and had a tinted visor, I was still getting burned. Global warming definitely had an effect on South East Asia. Air-con manufacturers were predicting record sales this year despite a slowdown in the domestic economy. At least some people were smiling.

I passed through a rubber plantation and a couple of small villages. I passed a road sign: 80km to Phang Nga, 172km to Phuket. "I should be in Phuket by lunch," I thought! I decided to make my next stop Phang Nga even though you don't drive through it! I did the calculations: 92km from Phang Nga to Phuket, I'll miss the town and score a couple of kilometers. Paul from Ao Nang told me it was a highway: 2 lanes North, 2 lanes South with a large island in the middle and a wide shoulder for slow traffic to ride on. I reckon I would do it in an hour.

My butt was starting to hurt now. It's a good idea to stop at least every fifty kilometer, but once I get going, I don't stop. The sun was burning me and I was thirsty. I had another 40 kilometer or so to Phang Nga. There were road constructions. They were building a bridge. Looks like the Thais first build the road and then the bridge and then tar that part of the road that goes over the bridge.

Just before Phang Nga the road split and I took the slipway left towards Phuket. It was a narrow twisting road, but there were not much traffic. There were no signs saying Phuket and I wasn't sure if I was on the right road. I passed a Buddha statue perched high up on a mountain. Passing trucks and cars hooted as they passed the symbol of their faith. My wife told me they hoot so that Buddha will look after them and that you have good luck.

It was just after eleven and I was still on schedule: Phuket by lunch. I did not stop for a break as I promised myself. I saw a sign that said: "Phuket 80". The road widened to a double line either side. It was highway to Phuket!

Normally riding on a highway is pretty boring. This was no exception. Apart from a couple of rubber plantations and a few houses, there was nothing to see. All the way to Phuket there was not a single petrol station! I passed a number of temples and there were even some Chinese temples closer to Phuket. The temples were beautiful and bigger than the once I've seen.

I was getting closer to Phuket and I could smell the sea. I saw the girls first - that is, the bar girls. Two tattooed girls with reddish hair were standing next to the road waiting for a taxi. Their high heels and short skirts did not let me wonder where they worked. I passed over the bridge and I was on Phuket Island. Phuket is the biggest of all the islands and it has numerous beaches and smaller islands around it. I decided to look at what Phuket town had to offer and then head out to one of the beaches. Since Phuket town does not have a beach, I decided to go to the more colorful Patong beach.

Ahead of me were a road block and a big sign that said: "Welcome to Phuket". Slightly further away was a much smaller sign that said: "Phuket 42". This was a little disturbing and confusing. Was I in Phuket or not? I was in fact in the Phuket province, but 42 kilometers away from Phuket town. The next 42 kilometers I drove through what can be described as suburban Phuket. Shops and houses lined the road on both sides. By now I was very low on fuel and I stopped at the first garage I saw: another Shell. The staff was not friendly at all. Being a falang here did not score me any points with the petrol attendants, even though they were all young, good looking girls from the South. I thought I still had a special magic with the fairer sex, especially in Asia. Clearly it wasn't working here. I filled up and set off to Phuket. "You can't win them all." I thought.

As I was getting closer to Phuket the traffic was becoming heavier. It wasn't very easy to ride. Cars and bikes would cut in front of you or push you out of the way. There wasn't a shoulder for bikes to travel in. And the traffic was moving fast. I had to keep up with the flow, which was difficult, because I had to negotiate traffic and see which way I was going.

Phuket town was surprisingly big with a large China town; red Chinese lanterns decorating the streets every where. I drove around for some time to see if I could find a cold beer, but I saw nothing interesting. I decided to head out to the beach. Patong beach it was. Just before entering Patong you go over a mountain. The climb uphill and downhill was very steep and I had to gear down to second to give me enough power to get up the hill. On my way down I got stuck behind one of the scooters with a side car (and noodle store) and I was going down hill slowly in first. Then I hit the flat road, over took the mobile noodle enterprise and I was in Patong. Accommodation was relative easy to find. I got a good clean room near the beach for 600 Baht a night. They assured me Suzi was safe outside and they never had a problem before. I paid and set off to the beach. It was Saturday night, it was Phuket, Thailand and I Vini, vidi, vici (I went, I saw, I conquered) and then I Vini, vidi and vicited again!

I spent two days in Phuket enjoying the water sports by day and the bars at night. I contributed to what I call: "Phuket's tourist pollution."

Phuket to Ko Samui

Monday morning I set off on my third leg to Ko Samui. Ko Samui is situated on the east coast of Thailand and lies in the warm waters of the Gulf of Thailand. The island is about half the size of Phuket and accessible by boat only.

I didn't hear my alarm go off and I overslept completely. What was supposed to be a five o'clock departure was an eight o'clock departure. And my but was still tender from my Krabi - Phuket leg. All the shops were still closed and I had to skip breakfast. "It's going to be noodle soup again today," I thought. The sun was shining in my eyes and I got lost in Phuket town. A man cannot stop to ask direction and I drove up and down a couple of streets before I found the Phuket International Airport sign. I was heading out of Phuket, using the same road I came in with. What I didn't know was that you can take a ferry from Krabi to Phuket and cut out about 200 kilometer. It would have made my trip a little bit more colorful and much less painful.

Suzi was filled up. I knew that there were not any fuel stations along the way. Suzi ate the road up quickly. It was highway with no bumps and not too many cars. I was doing about 90 km/h. It was still early and the sun wasn't hot. Although it was a highway, the houses built right onto the street. I wondered what it would be like to raise your kids with all the traffic passing right by your front door.

Next town was Phang Nga. Not to be confused with Ko Pha Ngan (where Ko means island.) Phang Nga is about 70 km from the Phuket Bridge. 40 Km after The Bridge a sign said: 'Surat Thani 222'. My next destination was just over 222 kilometers away!

I stopped at a small roadside shop and had an iced coffee, Nescafe; 12 Baht. That was my coffee for the morning. The caffeine killed the hunger pains and I could put the noodle soup in the back of my mind for a few more hours. The vegetation turned from rubber plantations to oil palms and rice paddies. Thailand is one of the region's biggest rice producers and the quality of this long grained rice is excellent. There are a staggering 13 000 different varieties of rice, but once you are hooked on Thai Hom Mali rice, you will eat nothing else. I also saw a water buffalo (kwai in Thai) for the first time. If you are very stubborn, the Thais will call you kwai. I passed a house every two to three kilometers with large rice paddies in between. This was farming area.

Suzi was doing well, but my fuel gage was starting to drop below the halfway mark. I noticed that from half to empty the needle drops quite fast. There were not many houses, let alone shops and I started to get a little concerned. Another 30 kilometers further there was another of these bamboo-and-sink shack shops. I stopped. I had a Red Bull and asked about petrol, showed them my tank. The owner just shook his head. I paid twelve Baht (two Baht overcharge) and left. I had about a quarter tank petrol and don't know how much in reserve left. Suzi takes exactly 3.7 liters. 'How much further could I go?' I started to do some calculations in my head. Ten kilometers further I saw a bamboo and banana leaf shop. The Thai flag was hanging outside and it had an empty Thai Whisky bottle on a stick. Was this petrol or were they advertising the 28 (28% alcohol Thai whiskey)? I was lucky, Buddha was looking after me. Inside were rows of 750ml bottles filled with red liquid. With this stuff you can't ride on the Mekong (a saying when you get drunk on Thai Whiskey), this was 91 octane petrol! My wife says: "Led one, vely stlong." I ordered three bottles. One hundred Baht. 'What a rip-off' I thought, but it surely beats pushing a scooter!

I drove off and about a kilometer further I passed a proper petrol station. I stopped and filled up. I was going to be overcharged again. I hit the road with a full tank of 91 Octane leaded petrol. Green rice paddies started to make way for coco oil palms and indigenous forest. Banana trees were competing with indigenous trees for space and sunlight, resulting in trees growing tall and straight in their quest to have the most real estate in the top canopy. Kind of being in the rural rat race. The fittest will survive! Every thing was green and beautiful. The road was a well maintained two way highway with a wide shoulder. It carried a lot of traffic between the East and West coast of South Thailand. I passed a clean looking spaza house shop, one of only a few in the area. I made a u-turn and stopped. Next door was a simple restaurant with fold up tables and plastic chairs. I sat down and a beautiful girl with long black hair and a dark complexion brought me the menu. She was a Southern beauty; open face with high cheekbones and a broad smile. Not the I-want-your-money-honey-Phuket smile. Rather the take-me-home smile. She was a real gem, a country girl from South Thailand. The type you'll fall in love with and marry.

The menu was all Thai. "Kin kau," I said. It means 'come eat', or the literal translation: 'eat rice'! In the East, a meal without rice isn't a meal. The girl nodded at me and waited. "Plah," I said, Thai for fish. Besides kai it's the only other word for food that I know. Ten minutes later she came back with plate of grilled fish, rice, a spicy Thai sauce and tomato salad. Beautiful. I was pleasantly surprised. She gave me a fork and spoon to eat. Thais don't use chopsticks. On my first visit to Thailand I asked a girl why they don't eat with chopsticks. She told me: "We not Chinese".

Generally the food in Thailand is safe to eat, but I stick to a few simple rules when it comes to food while traveling. I avoid any shellfish; prawns, crab, lobster, etc. altogether. It goes off very quickly and can be very poisonous. Even when cooked it doesn't keep well. I only eat fish at a reputable restaurant, or when I can by it fresh. It is easy to see when fish has gone off. Being a meat eater, I do take my chances on chicken and pork (there is not too much beef in Thailand). When I traveled in the Congo I only ate boiled eggs, bananas and bread. A good diet if you want to shed a few kilos. Here the chilly and rice diet made me shed some more!

With a full stomach and a three quarter tank of petrol, I set off again. It was midday and I still had another 140 km to go to my next destination. Rice paddies and coco palms were being replaced by limestone mountains and soon I had to negotiate tight bends and steep mountain passes. I was going slow. Mostly between 40 and 50 km/h. The scenery was really beautiful and I did not want to miss it. Soon the mountains started to make way for rice paddies and coco plantations again and gradually houses start to appear. It was the dry season and many of the paddies were dry. After another 30 km the houses started to compete with each other for space. I was getting closer to Surat Thani.

Surat Thani is a busy port city on the East coast of Thailand. It is the jumping-off point for travelers to Ko Samui Island, 30 km off the coast and it is a stopover for Bangkok-Malaysia long haul carriers. Surat Thani is a city that never sleeps, but it holds little interest for the tourist, EXCEPT that it has a monkey training school where the little lings are taught to pick coconuts! For 50 Baht yours truly had the privilege to watch one of these shows!

Suzi was getting a little low on petrol and I stopped at a petrol station, filled up, drank a Coke and stretch my legs. I was hungry again and decided to have some East coast Thai cuisine. I wondered what would be different. Not far out of town I stopped at a makeshift restaurant. I ordered sticky rice, deep fried chicken and Tampajaa (green papaya, tomato, chilly, crab legs and fermented fish); a meal that has its origins in Isaan in the North East of Thailand. I washed it down with a Pepsi. It was becoming late now and I set off on Suzi again. At the Ban Don Pier Suzi and I caught a ferry to Ko Samui.

Ko Samui. Two words sum it up: Tourist Pollution. And to be more accurate, backpacker pollution. While a place like Pattaya attracts the not so upper crust of the English society, this was a backpackers joint. A Khaosan Road by the sea. Backpackers attracted to the full moon parties and quarter moon parties or whatever reason they can find for a party. Drugs, drinking, falang chicks - you get the picture? Tourist Pollution. But, never less, the place is beautiful with the beautiful Thai people and beautiful beeches. And everyone was having a good time. The Thais have a word for it: sanuk. I decided to Carpe Diem; Seize the day - or night!)

One good thing about the tourist places: You can find Tiger Beer, imported from Singapore. The local Heineken is really not up to standard. I think the Dutch should take greater care of the quality control of their product if they want to remain in the top spot of the beer giants. Perhaps those quality controllers spend too much time with the girls in the go-go bars, instead of checking their product!

To give my body a proper rest I spent two lazy days at Chaweng, the islands longest beach. I did the tourist thing: visited a Wat (temple) Laem Saw, waterfalls, tanned and drank Tiger. But I was starting to miss home and soon I would be heading back home again. On nnnnn day morning I took the ferry back to the mainland.

Short trip: Ko Samui to Nakhon Si Thammarat

After a 120 Baht oily breakfast I left Ko Samui, planning to reach Nakhon Si Thammarat just after lunch. It was a relative short trip, most of it double lane highway, but driving straight through to Trang was not possible on Suzi. My but was sort of numb by now and I did not want to travel long distances.

Nakhon Si Thammarat has the oldest Wat(Temple) in the south, Wat Phra Mahathat. The temple is said to be more than a thousand years old and was rebuild in the thirteenth century. It has a 78 meter high chedi topped by a solid gold spire. I was going to check it out.

I traveled along the coast. The scenery was beautiful and I could see and smell the sea. The people of Nakhon are rice and cattle farmers. Three quarters of the land is covered with rice paddies. It's dry season and there were no water in the paddies. I waited to see a water buffalo, but nothing came up. My wife later told me, "You won't find it here, only big families that can afford to slaughter a buffalo keep them." Nakhon is the place where my wife was born. She grew up on a rice farm in the South East of Thailand. She was one of five girls and two boys. Her parents poor rice farmers and the mother died when she was three years old. I was not going to visit in-laws. I did not pay them Dowray (lobolla) when I married my sweetheart, so I guess I was not their favorite son-in-law. Besides, they were about 25 km out of town and finding them would not be easy.

I was on the high road South, my second last leg before I reach the total eclipse of my journey. It was just after ten, but it was already starting to get hot. Even though I applied a factor 40 sunscreen and had a tinted visor, I was still getting burned. I passed two black crows that were scavenging the remains of a less fortunate strays. I pressed my horn and they jumped out of the way like a jack in the box with both legs together bending only slightly at the knee. One went this way and the other that way. There was no rush and it seemed like these pitch black birds were mocking me. I wondered if these superstitious Thais were scarred of them. They are the only large bird species that I've seen and my wife has never mentioned anything when she sees them.

There was plenty of fruit in the area and I stopped at a makeshift for an early afternoon fruit lunch. I read this book on the Klong Toyi slums next to Bangkok's abattoirs in the early days. Catholic Vietnamese slaughtered 3 000 pigs every night to feed the hungry Bangkok carnivores. Thai Buddhists won't do this! The pig's head was simply bashed in with a steel pipe and piggy's throat slit. At 3 o'clock in the morning the whole place was scrubbed out with caustic soda and the remains washed into the adjacent klong (canal). Hence, the name klong Toyi.

I was proud of myself not to be part of this barbaric ritual. I stuffed myself with fruit picked from homegrown trees, nourished only by the soil, the rain and the sun - no genetically modification or hydro-cultivation. Thai bananas are small, but surprisingly sweet. So are the watermelons; small round fruits that are cut open and sampled before you buy them. Mangoes started to get into season and I bought two. Four bananas, two mangoes, a watermelon and a quarter pine-apple on a stick set me back 28 Baht. Not even one dollar! And I'm sure Buddha gave this falang points for not eating Miss Porky. The fruit was filling and delicious, but somehow I was just missing my three-times-a-day protein supply.

Just before Nakhon Si Thammarat I passed through a pine forest. What I saw made me realize that coming to Thailand (as a man) was the right decision; Here was an old man and a very frail old woman. She was pushing a cart with two heavy pine logs. He was walking next to her, giving her nothing but moral support. I stopped to take a picture of this. As they were getting closer he fell behind her and was speaking very loud, probably cursing me. It was clear to me that feminism has not spoilt this beautiful Kingdom.

Just after two I booked myself into the Siam Hotel near the train station. A double room with air con was 500 Baht.

Home Run: Nakhon Si Thammarat to Pakmeng

Home is where the heart is. I phoned my wife early Thursday morning, told her to make me a nice plate of Tom Yang Kung as only she can and to give me a relaxing massage when I get home. She told me to drive careful. She missed me too. The home stretch was less than 200 km and from the East coast to West coast over the Ban That Mountains. I could be home early afternoon!

After an omelet and rice breakfast I took the 403 Road South. There were surprisingly few houses and even fewer shop-houses here. (Almost every Thai house has a shop in front.) I also noticed the total absence of petrol stations. But with Suzi filled up I could do well over 150 km. A few kilometer further a small 108 shop (The Thai equivalent of 7-Eleven) popped up and I stopped. I had a 200ml Red Bull (10 Baht). I love to drink these cheap Red Bulls. Back home it would have cost me more than five times that amount! I drank another one, just because it's so cheap.

Just before Trang, with only 80 km to go, I stopped at a petrol station to fill up, drank a Coke and stretch my legs. I was hungry again and decided to have some East coast Thai cuisine. I wondered what would be different. Not far out of town I stopped at a makeshift restaurant. I ordered sticky rice, deep fried chicken and Tampajaa (green papaya, tomato, chilly, crab legs and fermented fish); a meal that has its origins in Isaan in the North East of Thailand. I washed it down with a Pepsi. It was going to be my last stop.

The road had a new asphalt surface and a wide shoulder. Their was a slight breeze behind me. Home was close and mommy and baby were waiting for me. I through caution to the wind and opened the throttle more. I was riding in the middle of the lane. No longer sticking to the shoulder. Overtaking school kids on their scooters, passing trucks sticking to their 80 km/h speed limit and slip streaming with the busses, no longer taking second place on the shoulder of the road. I was running with the wind. Suzi was doing well. We were doing well.

I bypassed the last big town, Trang and I was on the 4146 home stretch. To Pakmeng was 48 kilometers - half an hour's ride home. Sikao 23 km and Pakmeng 16 km, I know the signs, have seen them many times. The vegetation became familiar. A mix of coco oil palms, rubber trees and indigenous forest with the Thai style houses scattered between them. I missed home, I thought. Familiar signs were coming up; Amari Trang Beach Resort - Ban Pak Meng - Pakmeng Pier - Pakmeng 1 km - Pakmeng - Home. I closed the throttle and the bike's back torque slowed it to a standstill. I was home, 1200 km and saddle soar. My wife and baby waiting for me, happy to see me! I'm happy. Happy to be in a country where the birds wake you up in the morning, where you can take your child for an early morning scooter ride on the beach, where you can walk in the street at night and where you don't have to lock your door. For my daughter's sake, I hope that in 20 years time this country will be a little bit more emancipated!

*** After this trip Blackheart vowed never to ride further than the nearest noodle shack, never to eat spicy Thai food and never to drink Chang beer again. During a visit to the local Honda dealer, he fell in love with a V-Twin Cruiser. He bought her and now he is doing what he loves most: ride bikes, eat Thai food and drink Chang beer. And to pay for everything, he is running motorbike tours from Phuket. Visit his website at www.phuketrider.com

Like this story? Share it with others: