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I wrote these incidents in the order in which they returned to my mind, not in the order in which they happened.

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Thursday, 25^th August 2005 [late]

Daniel’s Unauthorised Mouthful

I know that there are more than a few people who would disagree with the concept that sex is not necessary for entertainment in the LOS, but in my opinion, you don’t need to meddle with the maidens to have a good time.

While I enjoy sex as much as anyone, I try to look for something other than horizontal adventures of the folk-dancing type, and tell a story that has not been told before. I believe that I mentioned Daniel, my (now) 14-month-old son. I’m sure that I did! He is a villain of the first order.

Ah, yes, there is a tale about him and some women, even at his tender age. He is a sly little fox, and I have no doubt that this will be but the first incident of many in the years to come.

Daniel has been brought up in the village, and he has been fed from his mother’s breasts [and a few other women’s as well] all of his life. I also believe that I made mention of the “mothers’ feeding klatsche” in the outlaws’ house, but what I probably omitted is that the women will share the feeding duties as necessity presents itself. If a mother needs to spend a few minutes extra in the bathroom, another woman who is not particularly busy will present her tit to the absent mother’s hungry babe. To the child, it is all food; the identity of the source person is irrelevant.

Fast-forward about a week to lunchtime in Bangkok. My wife gets hungry, so I am obliged to do something to feed her. We visit the O-Ho eatery in soi sri bamphen and get the table in the middle of the floor. I am forced to get a large bottle of bia chang as they do not have cans or small bottles in this establishment (how unfortunate).

We had been served, Daniel was accepting the occasional pinch of solid food, chewing it and spitting about half of it onto the floor (don’t ya just love babes and their charming tricks?), in comes a quartet of women and they take the table next to ours. I cast a few sly glances in their direction to assess their status, and I am sure that Daniel started to drool.

These women were all dressed the same, probably a corporate office uniform; beige suit with no blouse, just a jacket with no lapels and a matching skirt.

Daniel lost all interest in food and turned his attention to these new arrivals. All of the time that he has spent in the tittery has taught him that he has a smile that will melt all but the hardest heart of the hardest whore in Thailand, and he stood up on his chair, waited until he caught the eyes of these women, and flashed his smile at them. And they were caught in his beam, like rabbits in a spotlight at midnight. He had them, they were his captives.

Quick as another flash, he was off his chair and had run over to the best-looking of the quartet [this boy can pick ‘em], stretched his arms up to her – sort of like saying “pick me up, sucker”. And she did, silly that she was!

Daniel bided his time, kept smiling, and did most of the things that simple women expect of infants. But he also did something that took the looker of the foursome by surprise.

Having been fed from so many sources, this little boy has learned how the human tit can be unpackaged, and is very adept at assisting the unpacking process. On that day, in full view of me and another half-dozen diners, Daniel unpacked that woman’s left tit so quickly that she did not realise until the little boy glommed onto the tit and started to suck.

When the other three had recovered from their initial shock and following laughing fits, they all got out their mobile phones and started phoning the story around - “Noy picked up a small child and it bared her breast”. There is no doubt in my mind that the scandal was in their office and covering half of Bangkok by the time these girls got back to work.

My wife was horrified when I told her what had happened – she had been in the rest-room upstairs at the time. The restaurant owner could hardly contain his laughter, and the two chefs in the kitchen were left wondering what had happened out the front.

Such is life in the tropics.

End of part 3

(To be continued)

Santa