Driving in Thailand

Over the past four months I have driven in Bangkok daily. On first site wanting to commit yourself to the supposed suicidal practice of voluntarily mixing it with the Bangkok traffic is crazy.

Yes, driving in Thailand is very different, the biggest difference is the total lack of a Highway Code, and where there are traffic signals they are routinely ignored by most drivers, other differences are the cars, even though they all have indicator stalks, none of them work. This is either done at the factory, or at the request of the customers of the Garage asks for them to be bypassed as they will never be used on the highway.

Thais love big cars! I can only think of four Hatchback models on the market. All the rest are large saloons with huge trunks. The car I drive at the moment is the Honda Jazz. A fairly sporty little hatchback that even though I’m a larger than average guy, is more than adequate for the task. My Girlfriend was shocked when I picked her up from her work place in a “small car”. Even though it is larger inside than the last mid range car we had.

Nearly all non taxi private cars are automatic. This as a practical reason, the stop start nature of driving in Bangkok is hell have to use a clutch. I’ve been there and have the enlarged left calf muscle to prove it. Also (This will get me into trouble), automatics are easier to drive. Most Thai’s either pass a very basic test or at best bribe the official to give them a license. Many don’t bother at all and drive around un-hindered by such mundane matters as having a driving license.

Another reason why some of the driving I have seen borders some where between disgraceful and just down right dangerous. There is a hierarchy on the road; at the top of the tree is the Bus. These lumbering clapped out; pollution spewing vehicles go where they want when they want. Get out of their way, they will take no prisoners.

Next comes the Lorry, although not a common sight in Bangkok, when you go in country, they are a more common site, give these guys a very wide birth. Once they get a head of steam up, there is no stopping them.

Anyone who as been on Phahonyothin Road will know of the existence of the Mini Bus. These vehicles go from Victory Monument all the way up to Rangsit. They pick up and set down where they like, they pull out into traffic and will dive across three lanes to get to a fare. They are so dangerous that even the Police are pulling them over.

Next is the Private cars and pick ups. BMW drivers like every BMW driver in the world thinks they are at the top of the tree, soon though, they will realise they are only driving a German Ford Cortina and swap it for a proper car like a Mercedes or Lexus.

The biggest culprits for general bad driving are the pick up truck drivers. These vehicles crowd the road and in pursuit of making a living forget that there are other drivers as well. What ever lane you are in they will come up behind you and give you the flashing lights to move over. Don’t! It really pisses them off and they then have to embark on some of the most dangerous driving and under taking to get ahead of you. Old cars usually driven by the younger generation are as big a danger, driven by kids who don’t look old enough to have left school, these cars are so battered that at any second they will fall apart like a clowns car.

The next member of the Tree is the Motorbike rider. It seems for every car there are ten motorbike Taxis and Couriers on the road. They travel up lines of waiting traffic at speeds that defy common sense. The life expectancy of a motorbike rider is something akin to a First World War Fighter Pilot. About twelve hours on the road! I have seen so many accidents involving motorbikes including two deaths that there is know way I will ever use a motorbike taxi. It is not an uncommon sight to see a whole family on a bike, the most I have seen is six on one bike.

At the bottom of the heap are cyclists. In short, don’t ride a bike on the streets of Bangkok.

Now for a few mentions of my favourite people. Firstly members of the Bangkok Constabulary, the Boys in Brown flit about on their motorbikes apprehending over weight pick up trucks, motorcyclists who don’t wear helmets and anyone who may have the means to pay a fine. I use the word fine in the loosest terms, should you be unlucky enough to be pulled over. You’ll be told what obscure law you have broken and then informed of the on the spot fine you have to pay. This is were personal experience comes into the frame. I was foolishly riding my mountain bike for a little exercise when I was flagged over by two gun toting officers of the law. My crime it turned out to be, riding my bike on the road! I kid you not. I had a choice of a 400 baht fine with a receipt or a 300 baht fine without a receipt. I paid 300 baht. How much made its way into the coffers of the Thai Treasury? Who knows?

The second mention as to go to all the rich old Thai women with their dyed black beau font hair styles who drive round in their big mercs. These old women actually think that they own the road and everyone should make way for them, they cut you up at slip roads, dive into waiting lanes of traffic at the front and expect the law to wave them through at traffic lights. They’re great, a national institution.

I’ve listed a Top 10 of things you will see and experience whilst driving in Bangkok.

1. Just because you’re in the left hand lane, don’t think your immune from being under taken. You will be!
2. You will be amazed by how close motor bikers can get to your wing mirror without touching it, you’ll also get very angry when they do knock it clean off and just ride off into the sunset.
3. Should you leave 1cm more than a cars length between you and the vehicle in front, another car will cut in!
4. Red lights don’t always mean stop!
5. With all the mirrored glass in cars, it is pointless gesturing with the fingers for bad driving.
6. Most motorcyclists, cyclists and Pedestrians are expendable
7. I guarantee you’ll meet a motorbike coming down the road in the wrong direction
8. Pick up truck drivers will risk the life of everyone on the road to gain one place at the Toll Stations.
9. Don’t drive on single carriageways out of Bangkok, they are the equivalent of Death Race 2000
10. Always have 2-300 baht with your Driving License. Trust me on this one.

Thais just drive different to what I’m used too, In the West we call it “Bad Driving”.

Don’t be put off driving in Bangkok, its one of life’s must do things, like Alligator Wrestling and Base Jumping.