Humor

I love to go to the beach. I love going to Jomtien Beach on the Gulf of Thailand and sitting in the sun, and drinking beers, and swimming, and watching the farang (foreign) men with their ladies, and striking up a conversation with some Indian guy with a British accent that makes him sound like John Lennon. I love this kind of stuff. I HATE the beach vendors ... Read more.

While I was feeding the mutts this evening a young Thai woman surprised me by approaching me and speaking to me in fairly understandable and decent English. Most young Thai women in Surin would never do this when alone and unescorted with a stranger, especially a farang stranger, even one as handsome and dashing as myself. So to say the least I was a bit shocked when she approached me and started a conversation with me ... Read more.

How one can really shit on your Thai wife and still get an apology.

Although these shopping supply runs can be a bit of a pain in the ass, especially the early wake-up call, they also come with some perks. In this town I have seen the most beautiful young ladies I've ever seen in Thailand , anywhere! The eye candy is premium!... Read more.

I'm infected of an illness whose only cure lies in Thailand it seems, my doctor a raven haired temptress with flashing obsidian eyes and a laugh as charming as a small tinkling Buddhist temple bell. I make love to her for medicinal purposes only. For some strange reason my health insurance won't cover my illness and I seem doomed until enough cash is injected into the wallet on my hip and a plane ticket is clutched in my feverish hands. First class on a jumbo jet is my life saving operating amphitheater. ... Read more.

The crowd at the Pension Grilparzer was exhibiting more excitement than had been apparent in that room since Ying the Obese Bartendy had flung Shaky Derek into the street for exposing himself at the bar. Every stool was occupied, the tables along the open seaward side of the room were jammed with men and it was standing room only on the porch outside.

‘Where the hell am I?’ I wonder for a moment, still a bit disoriented. ‘Oh yeah, in the village, in Thailand,’ I remember, mumbling groggily to myself. I always talk to myself at times like these. It's just some moral support for my few remaining brain cells as they struggle to get functioning.

After the prayers we turn to the left and kneel in front of a monk who's sitting on a raised stone platform. The monk has a small bundle of thin branches tied together with some string and a bucket of water ... Read more.

He says, he will keep the vehicle and we have to go three kilometers to the police station to pay 400 Baht. I sigh with depression, as dozens of helmetless Thais roar past us. Norah seems to know the game, hissing from behind: "Ask him if we can pay here!" - "Pay thini, dai mai na khrap?" - Suddenly he is friendly and cooperative. An amout of 200 Baht cash would speed up the process indeed, he suggests. Then he holds his writing block over his hand.

Conchologist or helpless addict? You decide.

She was beautiful and all men adored her. But was she a goddess or a graven image?

...the baby monkey leapt down and charged, all the while screaming blue bloody murder. The children fled in terror. Secretly, I applauded; I had already grown weary of these little brutes. And I was beginning to like the monkey....

Alright, I didn't cut my leg open on coral. I wasn't stung by a jellyfish or devoured by sharks. Neither was I sucked into a dangerous riptide or suffer sunstroke. I just lost my watch. Not the end of the world. The weird thing is, I can't figure out how the hell it happened.